By Cathy Roberts and Scott J. Welles
With a contented stretch that only comes from complete physical relaxation, Abby slid out of bed, careful not to disturb the two men slumbering under the covers. They needed their rest; she'd made certain that they had an extensive workout last night, and they'd given her one in return. Plus, they looked so good together that she hated to wake either of them. Now, she thought, if only there was a particular woman in between them. A redhead...
It puzzled her, occasionally, why her imagination insisted on adding Kerry Weaver to the group. Certainly, she and John would be wonderful for each other, but there was more than that. She wanted Kerry for herself, too. Not all the time, and not exclusively, but there was an ongoing attraction that she couldn't figure out. Kerry wasn't the most beautiful woman she'd known, to be honest, but Abby hadn't felt anything beyond a passing interest for most of them. Why Kerry?
Then again, she thought, why not Kerry? What did reasons matter?
Showering and dressing quickly and quietly, she penned a note for John and Luka, pecked them each lightly on the mouth, and slipped out of the apartment. She wasn't often out and about this early, and the morning air felt good. Funny how a night of great sex will do that. Perhaps most surprisingly, she didn't feel like smoking.
She had no real destination in mind, as she wasn't due at the hospital for several hours. Maybe she'd get a bagel and coffee at a café somewhere, read the morning paper, browse the bookstores, and then circle back and see what the men were up to, as it were. But instead, she found her feet taking her toward the El. It was only after she'd paid the fare and gotten on the train that she knew where she was headed. And who she was headed for.
* * *
Kerry was already half-awake when the doorbell rang, and she wasn't happy about it. She'd overslept before, when she'd had an exhausting previous day or night, but then it was really sleep. Most days, she woke early and adjusted to consciousness quickly and easily. Not so today, and that irked her.
The doorbell sounded again, and she groped for her robe, fumbling to pull it on. She reached for the crutch, but her fingers weren't entirely coordinated, and it fell to the floor. "Shit," she muttered, bending awkwardly to retrieve it. Getting it settled in her grip, she cinched her robe's belt tighter, slapped her face with her free hand to wake herself up, and went downstairs. A glance at the clock showed it was early, but not so early as to make visitors unreasonable. She opened the door.
"Good morning, Kerry," Abby said, beaming at her. "Did I wake you?"
"No, I, uh...no. Come in," Kerry replied, forcing an expression of hospitality onto her face.
Abby stepped inside, and hugged Kerry around the neck. It was a gesture of real warmth and affection, and Kerry felt curiously touched by it. It wasn't often she could really think of someone, women in particular, as friends. Jeannie had been lukewarm and inconsistent in their friendship, Carol had been distracted by her own problems, and Kim had had other ideas about their relationship...
"Sorry for dropping by unexpectedly," Abby said, releasing the older woman and letting her close the door. "I just felt like seeing you before work, if that's okay?"
"Sure," Kerry replied automatically. "I was about to have breakfast. Do you want some?"
"I'm starved, now that you mention it," Abby told her. "Burned up a lot of calories last night...if you know what I mean."
"Whoop, time to play guess-who-got-laid, is it?" Kerry smiled and led the way into the kitchen. Consulting briefly with Abby, she mixed up a bowl of batter and poured it onto her waffle iron. Abby volunteered to set out flatware and utensils and pouring glasses of juice, and they ate together. "You and Luka pulled out all the stops, huh?" Kerry asked, bringing them back to the conversation at hand.
"Well, you're two-thirds right. John was with us." Abby finished the last of her waffle and got up to rinse her plate in the sink. The slight tensing of Kerry's shoulders hadn't escaped her, however. "That bothers you, doesn't it?"
Her hostess held up a hand. "It doesn't bother me, Abby. I was out of line when I objected to you and Luka sleeping with him the other morning, and I'm sorry." She sighed. "John can do whatever he wants, and I do trust you both to take care of him. And I respect your judgment that he's stable enough to be with you."
"Thank you," Abby said, returning to her seat near Kerry's. "But it still bothers you. That's okay, you know. You have a right to miss him."
After a long pause, she nodded. "I do."
Abby reached over and took her hand, squeezing gently.
"Let me ask you something," Kerry spoke up. "How badly have I hurt him? I may not love John the way he thinks he loves me, but I don't want him to be hurt."
"Well, he does miss you, Kerry, and whatever you may think, his love isn't imagined. It's real." Seeing Kerry's skepticism, she added, "Is that really so impossible?"
"Not impossible, just unlikely." Kerry pulled away and began washing the batter bowl. Abby sensed that she wasn't open to further assurances, and wisely decided to back off.
"If it's any consolation," she added when Kerry had shut off the faucet, "John's agreed to us all getting together, so he can't be too hurt if he's willing to see you again."
Kerry smiled wryly. "Oh yes, the big foursome. Listen, Abby, I hope you and the others haven't been discussing it around the ER?"
"No, only in private, of course. Why?"
"Well, can you imagine the kind of gossip that would be flying around if you were overheard?" She allowed herself a short laugh. "And suppose someone like Malucci heard about it? His head would probably explode."
Abby giggled. "He'd probably want to join in! I can picture him trying to wheedle his way into things. 'Aww, c'mon, Chief, lemme come too!'"
Kerry found herself laughing harder. "If he did, what would you tell him in my place?"
"I'd tell him he can join in," Abby told her, eyes sparkling wickedly, "on the sole condition that the guys do him first. Front and rear."
Kerry threw her head back and whooped with laughter. "That'd make him think twice!" They enjoyed their mutual hilarity for a minute before settling.
Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes as she calmed down, Abby said, "It's good to hear you laughing, Kerry. I've been worried about you."
"Why is that?" Kerry sighed, feeling the ache in her cheeks from smiling so much.
"Well, you're alone so much, and you won't let anyone in. John says you've always been like this, as long as he's known you."
Kerry's smile dimmed without entirely vanishing. "He does, does he?"
"He's told me about the time he lived here, and how he had the same concerns for you, even while he was involved with that woman, Rosalind?"
"Roxanne." A twinge of resentment for the preppy blonde flared within Kerry, and she wondered why. She hadn't been a major presence in John Carter's life, except in his bed. He'd dropped her easily enough when things were over, and never looked back. But she'd been here, in Kerry's house, doing the things Kerry couldn't admit to herself that she'd wanted to do. And even then, John had been aware of her solitude. He'd paid attention, even when they only saw each other in passing, and he'd been concerned for her. The thought of him seeing her, seeing through her facades and defenses, filled Kerry with a sweet ache.
Kerry's mind snapped back to the present, and she glanced at Abby, who sat looking at her with a concern of her own. "Kerry," the nurse ventured, "forgive me for asking this, but...do you really believe you can't fall in love? Or are you really afraid that no one will return that love?"
The last of Kerry's easygoing mood evaporated, and she suddenly felt exposed. And not merely because she was underdressed.
"I'm sorry, I take back the question," Abby put in, recognizing that she'd gone a little too far.
"That's all right," Kerry was quick to add, rising. "I need to get ready for the day's shift. You can hang out if you like, read, watch television, or whatever."
"Thanks." Abby nodded, staying where she was.
Kerry hobbled out of the room, heading for her bathroom, but turned back to add, "Just please don't touch..."
"I won't touch your stereo!" Abby called from the other room.
Apparently, John had told her a lot of things.
* * *
Kerry selected her outfit for the day and laid it out on the bed, then adjourned to the shower. Hanging her robe on the door's hook, she stepped gingerly into the spray and steam, easing into the damp heat with some relish. She could feel her muscles and tendons relaxing and her pores opening. Her thoughts were reacting similarly, and the external warmth was almost overshadowed by that from within.
John had cared for her long before the possibility of sex arose between them. Before his addiction, before Valentine's Day, before his eviction, perhaps even before she admitted to him that she was adopted, maybe even before he moved in, he cared about her...
Her hands, rubbing the lather over her skin, removing the last traces of dirt and sweat from her body, roamed lower as she turned the memories over in her mind.
She'd rented her basement to several people over the years, less to supplement her finances than to have another face and voice for company, if only occasionally. But she'd never rented to anyone she knew professionally; it seemed like a conflict of interest waiting to happen. For Carter, she'd made an exception. She couldn't imagine anyone else she'd have done that for, and no one had made her as happy while sharing her house as John had...
Her palms, glding over her breasts, triggered all the right nerves, stiffening her nipples.
Pushing him away, driving him out of her house, hadn't been nearly as easy as she'd made it seem. Justifying her actions as appropriate for the new ER Chief had seemed safer than acknowledging how empty the loss of his friendship made her feel. And then, when he changed in the weeks and months following his stabbing, part of her died with him, just as Lucy had died...
Her right hand dropped to one of the safety bars attached to the walls, while the fingers of her left hand slid down between her legs, inserting themselves slickly.
Becoming lovers, she now realized, wasn't the beginning of a new relationship with John, only a new chapter of something much deeper. She'd had other lovers, some of them better than him in a physical sense, but no one who'd mattered so intently for so long. And it took some smartassed nurse and former med student to see what she couldn't.
Ripples of pleasure vibrated through her body as she stroked her inner walls in practiced patterns. Her shower had seen more solitary orgasms than her bed had seen in others' company...
A pair of hands brushed over her shoulders, and Kerry gasped, nearly falling before she caught herself. Abby's arms slid around her, one circling her rib cage while the other followed Kerry's wrist down to her sex, nimble fingers taking over where Kerry's left off. Kerry drew in a quivering breath as Abby's bare body pressed against her from behind. The feel of the other woman's skin against hers, from neck to back to buttocks to thighs to calves, was marvelous. She seized the safety bar with both hands, while Abby took over the job of lighting up her nervous system.
"We missed you last night," Abby whispered in her ear, breath tickling the wet skin of her neck.
"We...?" Kerry responded, her voice trembling as much as her body.
"I missed you," the younger woman clarified, taking Kerry's earlobe between her lips while her thumb found her clitoris.
Kerry shivered deliciously, letting her head fall back against Abby's shoulder. God, what this woman was doing to her...
"You try to be so tough and bossy," Abby cooed in her ear, "but you can't fool me, Kerry. I know how sweet you are. In more ways than one..."
She was wetter on the inside than the outside, and her climax threatened to make her legs give out, but there was no denying its imminence. It grew, expanding like a balloon inflated to capacity and beyond, and then burst, wrenching a cry of delight out of her that echoed off the tile surfaces, rebounding back at her in sync with the blissful impulses reaching out from her center to her fingers and toes. She might have fallen, unable to keep her balance, if not for Abby's support. The nurse held her up with the practiced leverage and balance that comes from regularly assisting injured and infirm patients.
When her head stopped spinning and she could stand unaided again, Kerry turned, putting her back against the wall. The hot water was running out, and she reached for the knob and shut it off. "God..." she whispered in the suddenly quiet shower.
Abby, who had released her enough to turn, closed the short distance again, fitting her nude body to Kerry's front this time. She took the ER Chief in her arms again, lips nuzzling at the hinge of her jaw. "I knew you'd like that."
"Is that why you really came here?" Kerry asked her, slipping her own arms around Abby's shoulders.
"Yeah, I think it is," she replied between soft kisses. Then she stepped back, taking Kerry's wrists in her hands and pulling her gently away from the wall. There was an unmistakable gleam in her eye, and Kerry knew that she wasn't satisfied to let things end there.
"I thought we had a bet to settle first," she said as Abby's arms slid around her glistening wet body again. Water beaded on both their shoulders and arms, and steam rose from their bodies as it evaporated in the cooling air. The heat where their skin met was intense.
"Forget the bet for now," Abby instructed her, one hand smoothing back wet, red hair, outlining the shape of her skull. "Let me make love to you, Kerry."
Their lips met, and for a few moments, all thought of John Carter and other lovers, past and present, left them both. The kiss was deep and rich, in the way that only two people who truly understand each other can achieve.
Kerry let the kiss linger, Abby's tongue slipping very slowly out of her mouth, tantalizing her further. "I shouldn't," she said without conviction. "I've got work to catch up on before my shift..."
"It can wait," Abby urged her, one hand coming up to Kerry's breast where it met Abby's. "I'll let you tie me up this time," she added with a teasing smile.
That was intriguing. "Well..."
"And you can call me 'John' if you want to. I won't mind." Abby's grin widened before she busied her lips with the sensitive skin at the base of Kerry's throat.
Two separate and opposite reactions went off within Kerry. Her body's desire to intermingle with Abby's was tempered, then matched, and finally overwhelmed by the anger and hurt at the other woman's words. "You know," she said with effort, "I'm starting to worry about you, too."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" Abby's hands slid down her back to cup her buttocks.
"I think you may have another form of addiction."
The change in Abby's attitude couldn't have come more sharply if she'd turned on the cold water. "Wh-what...?"
"Abby, look what you're doing," Kerry told her, finding her inner poise. "You just spent the night with two very satisfying lovers, and the first thing you're doing is looking for another. Some people might call that sexual addiction. You're an alcoholic, right?"
Abby pulled away from her, arms crossing over her chest as she leaned against the opposite wall. "Yeah. So?"
Kerry didn't bother to cover herself. "So, isn't there often a danger among addicts of transferring from one kind of behavior to another? You're so insistent lately on bringing us all together, and I'm starting to be concerned that..."
There was a short, harsh laugh as Abby looked away. "I can't believe you'd say that to me, Kerry! If you don't want to go to bed with me, all you have to do it say so, but to accuse me of being a nymphomaniac..." She shook her head scornfully, drops of water falling from the ends of her hair, and she turned and stepped out of the shower, grabbing the first towel she laid hands on.
Kerry followed her out carefully, stepping onto the nonskid bath mat and shivering in the cooler air. "I'm not accusing you of anything, Abby, I just thing you should ask yourself why you're so adamant about having sex with three different people, and then with pushing me and John together. I thought you loved Luka, but if he's not enough for you..."
"Hey, you leave him out of this!" Abby snapped, angrily toweling her hair off. "I do love Luka, not that it's any of your business. I don't have to prove that to you, or to anyone."
Wrapping a towel around her body, securing it under her arms, Kerry quietly asked, "Then why did you sleep with John last night?"
"Because I love him, too!" the younger woman shot back. "I'm not in love with him the way I am with Luka, but I do love him."
"I see," Kerry said, her tone measured.
"Are you jealous, is that it?" Abby tossed her towel in a corner and began dressing from where her clothes were folded on the countertop. "That I was with them both while you were alone? Well, you've had your chances, Kerry, and thrown them away. And you'll get more, when we all get together. But don't try to blame me just because you're afraid of being happy!"
"Is that what you think?" Kerry's tone was turning frosty.
Abby dressed in furious silence, laced her sneakers, and then stood upright to face Kerry. "You want to hear something funny, Kerry? I love you, too. Don't ask me why, 'cause right now I'm not too sure, but I do."
"Gee, thanks," she replied with sardonic calm.
"Yeah, that's right, I love three different people in three different ways. And I may be a drunk with a failed marriage and a dead-end job, but at least I can admit I love someone, you tight-assed...!"
Kerry was utterly still, staring at her. Go on, her expression said. Say it.
Abby turned and fled, slamming the front door behind her.
* * *
Muttering all sorts of imprecations about Kerry Weaver as she went, Abby strode furiously down the street. Her hands and mouth, occupied only minutes earlier with soft flesh, were suddenly craving a different, altogether less healthy, kind of pleasure. Spotting the first little mom-and-pop store she came to, she ducked inside and asked for a pack of cigarettes, any kind.
While the elderly proprietor was turned away, fetching them, Abby found her eyes wandering to the bottles of liquor on the wall behind the register. She knew what each of them would taste like, how each brand would feel going down her throat. And some small part of her, rapidly growing larger, yearned to feel it again.
Snatching the cigarettes and a cheap lighter, she tossed a few bills on the countertop and left without waiting for her change.
The first cigarette was sucked down in record time, but she took her time with the second, trying to ignore the trembling of her hands.
Pausing at a traffic light flashing the 'Don't Walk' symbol, she caught a glimpse of her face reflected in a car's window. There was something familiar about her own sullen expression that disturbed her greatly...
* * *
The pleasurable afterglow of Kerry's climax was already a distant memory as she finished dressing, replaced by a bitter hurt at Abby's words. She checked herself one last time in the mirror, confirming that her clothes, makeup and jewelry all looked appropriate for an administrative professional. If the eyes seemed a little more empty than usual, that was too bad.
How much of what the nurse had said was true? Had she lost John because she was afraid? And, if so, was the same true of Kim? And Ellis? And...Michael?
No, she corrected herself sharply. She wasn't to blame for the failure of her marriage. She'd had to fight her tendency to blame herself for their problems, reminding herself of all the things he'd done to her...
Furiously shaking off the whole train of thought, Kerry gathered her coat, car keys and purse, and prepared to venture out for work. But when she opened the door...Abby was again standing on her front steps, hands in her pockets.
Looking up at her, the nurse ventured a little smile. "It's déjà vu all over again, huh?"
Kerry said nothing, but simply waited.
"Can I come in?" Abby's voice was much softer than before.
Stepping aside wordlessly, Kerry allowed her inside, then closed the door. "Did you forget something?" she asked as levelly as she could.
"Yeah...I forgot how much like my mother I can get when I'm upset," Abby said without looking at her. "I'm really sorry, Kerry."
Feeling the tension lessen slightly, Kerry said, "All right. I'm sorry, too."
Abby made herself look at Kerry. "I'm not a sex addict, Kerry. I think you were wrong about me that way, but I shouldn't have overreacted like that."
"Yes, well, perhaps that was an overreaction on my part, too," Kerry interjected. "You've been making assumptions about me and how I feel about John, and I didn't like that. Maybe I was too quick to do the same."
"This really bothers me," Abby said. "Friends should be able to talk to each other without making each other blow up. And I really like having you as a friend, Kerry. As good as sex is with you, I don't want it to get in the way of us being able to talk."
"I feel the same, Abby." Kerry felt herself softening all over as they slowly put it behind them. "Are we all right?"
A smile appeared on Abby's face. "Yeah, we are."
Kerry put out her arms first this time, and Abby stepped into her hug. They held it for a few moments, then pulled apart without entirely letting go of each other.
"Of course," Abby added, the trace of a wicked smile reappearing, "as long as friendship comes first...there's no reason we couldn't still have sex once in a while, is there?"
Kerry allowed her own smile to grow in return. Rather than respond verbally, she leaned forward and kissed Abby's mouth.
Almost immediately, however, she recoiled. "Eww! What...?"
"Oh, sorry," Abby said, stepping away self-consciously. "I smoke when I'm upset."
"Well, we can only have sex if you cut that out," Kerry told her, her stern voice tinged with humor.
They laughed, letting go of the whole argument. Kerry offered Abby a ride into work, which she accepted easily, and they didn't discuss things further on the way.
But each, in their silence, was aware of the same thing. Kerry had said some things about Abby that she didn't like hearing, and vice versa. But neither one could entirely convince herself that the other was wrong...