By Scott J. Welles and Cathy Roberts
Sensory awareness returned, and with it, clarity. Kerry heard the sounds of an occupied apartment in morningtime, smelled something not quite like sausage and eggs but similar, and eventually felt the warm sheets and blankets against her nude body. The peculiar aftertaste of oral sex was prevalent in her mouth.
Why weren't her eyes working? She couldn't seem to open her... Oh, yeah.
"Clear," she croaked, her voice rusty from sleep. The games had been fun, but enough's enough. She reached up to her face and peeled the blindfold off, blinking in the sudden morning light.
The bedroom indicated a small, cheap apartment, kept as well as its occupants could manage on their time and budget. She didn't complain; she'd been cozy enough last night.
Kerry sat up, pulling the sheet around her, more for warmth than modesty, and her eyes fell on a chair set right by the edge of the bed nearest her. A blue velour robe was folded on it, awaiting her. Her glasses and pager were perched atop it - good, they were prepared in case she was needed for an emergency - and her crutch leaned against the chair, waiting dutifully for her. She smiled inwardly at these little touches of hospitality.
There was the usual morning stiffness in her body, but it was eased and tempered by the afterglow of lovemaking singing in her veins. She wrapped herself in the robe, donned glasses and crutch, and slipped the pager into the robe's pocket. She wasn't wild about velour, but when in Rome...
Limping into the kitchen, she found Luka in a matching robe, tending something on the stove that made her mouth water. "Oh, good morning, Kerry," he greeted, catching sight of her. "Did you sleep well?"
"Like a baby. Morning." She inhaled, the aromas making her stomach growl eagerly. "What are you cooking?"
He named a Croatian dish that she wasn't sure she'd heard of. "Are you hungry?"
"Mmm, starving," she admitted.
"I'm sorry about that," Luka said. "We had planned to feed you some supper when we finished, but then you fell asleep, and we didn't want to wake you."
Kerry slipped an arm around his waist and leaned her head against his back. "No, that's all right," she said. "I needed the sleep."
He smiled at her, more brotherly than romantic. "I don't mean to rush you," he said, forking his culinary works onto plates, "but we should probably get moving. You and I are on shift in an hour and a half."
Kerry looked at the oven clock. "Oh, shit. I didn't even think about what time it was." There was something almost Einsteinian about sex; it drew time out, contracted it...
"I'll take that as a compliment," Luka said with an easy smile, bringing plates to the small breakfast table. "Abby's in the shower, but she said we shouldn't wait for her."
Kerry joined him at the table and they ate. It was wonderful.
Abby appeared a few minutes later, her body wrapped in a large bath towel secured just below her arms. "Good morning, children," she declared, kissing each of them on the cheek.
Kerry greeted her in turn, her mouth still half-full. When Abby had filled her own plate and sat beside them, Kerry said, "Abby, Luka...I want to thank you both so much. Last night was..." She ran out of words, floundered for adequate terms, then gave up, smiling wryly. "Sure, I can publish papers on every medical case known to man, but I can't describe how good sex with you two was."
They grinned, almost blushing. "It was great for us, too," Abby told her. "You were wonderful."
Luka nodded his agreement, but kept eating. His appetite was even bigger than Carter's, Kerry reflected.
"And we're just glad it turned out as well as it did," Abby went on. "We didn't know how you'd react..."
"Me neither," Kerry told her, taking another bite. "Was this your first threesome?"
"Sort of," Luka said. "First woman."
"Mmm. But not first man?" she replied, intrigued.
"Um, no," Abby said, seeming a little diffident.
Kerry smiled coyly. "So was he good?" she asked, taking another mouthful. This stuff was really delicious.
"You should know," Luka said. "It was John."
The food in her mouth suddenly turned to something unpalatable. Kerry froze, fighting the urge to spit it out, forced herself to swallow it, and set her fork down. Something bitter and foul moved within her, cold and tight. She felt it throb at the back of her throat. "You...you both slept with John Carter?"
They stopped eating, looking at her. "Yes," Abby said softly.
Kerry made her voice steady by sheer force of will. "When?"
They told her, and she made the connection immediately. He'd gone to them, the same night she told him she didn't love him. He'd run to them instead of her, and they'd fucked him. They fucked her man, her lover. No, not hers, she told herself. He'd chosen to leave her. For them.
"Is that a problem?" Luka asked her, in the voice he often used when they had a medical disagreement brewing.
Kerry felt a rage and hurt so fierce it almost pierced her skin, but she fought it down. "John is undergoing a time of critical transition in his recovery," she stated, keeping her voice level. "Abby, you know that he shouldn't be getting involved with anyone right now..."
"Kerry, you fucking hypocrite!" Luka suddenly thundered. "It was all right for you to sleep with John, but not for anyone else?"
"No, it wasn't," she responded, glaring back at him with her ready-for-a-fight gaze. "That was my mistake, taking advantage of him, and I set it right. I told him the truth about how I felt, and let him make the choice."
"And he nearly went back to the drugs as a result!" Luka told her how John had showed up at their door, a hairsbreadth away from looking for chemical release from his problems.
Kerry listened, her despair growing within her. In trying to help him recover reliably, she'd nearly ended up causing the thing she most wanted to avoid. This entire affair has been a bad idea from the beginning, she told herself, and once in, there's no easy way out.
When Luka was finished, she said, "And don't you think transferring his dependence from me to you just perpetuates the problem? There's a reason why addicts are supposed to refrain from relationships during their recovery. You two have no right to jeopardize his sobriety just to spice up your sex life!"
"Spice up our..." Luka trailed off, then started muttering under his breath in Croatian. Kerry couldn't make out the exact words, but the tone was enough to tell her that the words were not kind ones. Still, she was determined to hold her ground on this issue and not even the anger of a man nearly twice her size was going to deter her from what she knew to be right.
Luka had to look away from both Kerry and Abby, knowing he had to get his temper under control. Finally, he thought he could talk without shouting. "We never used John to 'spice up our sex lives', as you think. He came here to talk with Abby and she wasn't home. He was in pain and needed comfort and I gave it to him. And when Abby returned home, she comforted him as well. The only jeopardy that existed in this apartment that night was what might have happened if I had let John leave here the way he wanted when he discovered that Abby wasn't home."
Gaining steam, Luka continued. "I don't quite understand this 'no new relationships' policy, even though Abby has tried to explain it to me. I've seen too many people broken or nearly broken from being confined alone in cages or cells, deprived of human contact. The whole reason that solitary confinement is so effective in prisons of any kind is because it works to help break the spirit of the prisoner. As humans, we need and crave contact. We need to be able to reach out and find someone there. Someone to talk with us, or sometimes we just need to feel the touch of another person. To be there when another person needs contract is not, in my opinion, jeopardizing their recovery. I don't think that John left here with the impression that he was dependent upon us or that we expected him to come running to us with all his problems. We all knew where we stood with each other that night. We didn't promise him love, we only gave him acceptance and affection, and he gave us the same gift in return."
Kerry listened to Luka's arguments, finding it difficult to disagree, but still seething with resentment. Something about the thought of John Carter sleeping with these two struck her as wrong. Horribly wrong. Why was that so? She knew Abby had been attracted to him, and she couldn't blame her for that. And she'd seen firsthand that John and Luka enjoyed sex with each other. The feeling of wrongness hadn't struck her then; she'd actually enjoyed the sight immensely. So why now?
Luka shook his head, still angry. "We have to go to work soon. Do you want to shower first, Kerry? Or shall I?"
Abby spoke first, laying a hand on Kerry's forearm. "Go ahead, Luka. I want to talk to Kerry alone."
He rose, rinsed his plate and left it in the sink, then left the kitchen.
Kerry sat, silently, looking at nothing.
"Kerry..." Abby began softly.
"Dammit, Abby, you're an alcoholic. You know Carter shouldn't be with anyone, no matter what Luka says."
"Kerry, look at me," Abby instructed her.
Kerry turned her head a few degrees, meeting Abby's eyes.
"You're right, I do know all about it. I've lived with it for many years. And I also know John. I know where he stands in his recovery, I know what he's feeling and what he's capable of handling. I am attracted to him, of course, but his health is the most important thing of all. Do you think, for even one second, that I would do anything to jeopardize it, just for my own selfish pleasure? Do you think I'd ever touch him, or let Luka touch him, if I didn't honestly believe with everything in me that he could handle it?"
Kerry looked away.
"Luka and I have been nothing but honest in our feelings for John, and he for us. It's more than just sex for us, it's also trust and support, but not dependence. We care deeply for him, but we're not in love, and neither is he." Abby paused, then added, "Not with us, anyway."
The older woman looked back at her sharply. "What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped.
"It means that John is sincerely in love with you. It's not a new relationship being formed, Kerry, he's loved you for years. You've been a constant presence in his life, and everything that's happened has only revealed that. He shouldn't have to give that up, any more than married addicts should have to leave their spouses during recovery."
Jesus Christ, not the Love Argument again. When were people going to stop leaning on that one, and expecting her to do the same? Kerry rubbed at her eyes.
"You know the real reason why I think you were upset?"
Oh, this should be good. "Why?"
"Because you love him, too," Abby said calmly. "And thinking of him with someone else hurts too much."
"What?!" Kerry shook her head. "You're crazy, Abby. I've told you before, I don't--"
"You don't fall in love. Bullshit, Kerry, you're hammering that one too hard. I heard you whisper his name last night, and I knew you'd been holding it in longer than you let on. I think you've convinced yourself of that because it sounds better than admitting you're afraid no one will fall in love with you."
Kerry stared at her, stunned. Part of her wanted to laugh. Part of her wanted to hit Abby. Part of her wanted to flee. And part of her, very deep down, knew that it was true.
"Well, that may be," she said at last, "but I don't love John. I just don't."
"Want to make a bet?"
Kerry stared at her. "A bet?! What are you, still in grade school?"
Abby just shook her head. "A gentleman's wager, or whatever the equivalent for ladies is. I'm betting that, by, um..." She looked at the date on her calendar. "By the end of the month, you will have to admit to yourself that you're in love with John Carter. You're on your honor for this one."
This was ridiculous. What had started as an intense emotional conversation had just taken a turn into farce. Oh, what the hell. Throwing up her hands mentally, Kerry said, "What stakes would we be betting for?"
"Stakes. Hmmm..." Abby let her eyes drift over Kerry's body, then she smiled. "I've got it. I was keeping track in there," she said, nodding toward the bedroom. "And I still owe you one."
Kerry ran her thoughts back over the previous night's doings. Sure enough, she and Abby had traded oral favors, one for one, leaving their previous imbalance unchanged. "So?"
"Double or nothing."
Kerry burst out laughing. This was too much.
"I mean it," Abby went on when she calmed down. "If, by the end of this month, you can come look me in the eye and tell me, with the honesty you are known for, that you're not in love with John, I'll go down on you...twice." She held up two fingers, like a peace sign. "Two separate occasions of your choosing."
Kerry recalled how talented Abby's mouth had been on her. The thought of feeling it again, more than once, was extremely appealing. "And if I can't..."
"Then I don't owe you a thing."
It was the stupidest thing she'd ever agreed to. But it was also basically a lock as far as she could see. Kerry knew she'd never get John back, and that, no matter what Abby said, she just didn't have that kind of love in her. She didn't. But here was Abby, offering sexual satisfaction on two more occasions, and all she had to do was go along with it, avoid Carter outside of work, and collect in a couple of weeks' time. "Okay," she said, holding out her hand. "You're on."
Abby shook it. "Then it's agreed."
"What's agreed?" Luka asked, returning to the kitchen. His hair was damp against his skull, and droplets of water still beaded on his chest and shoulders. He wore only a towel wrapped around his waist. It was somewhat smaller than the one Abby wore, and Kerry suspected that Abby had filched the big towel for precisely that reason.
"Oh, we've been talking," Abby told him, "about the real reason why Kerry was upset."
"Abby...!" Kerry really didn't want to go through it all again with Luka.
"She was feeling left out because we slept with John and didn't include her," Abby finished, surprising Kerry.
Luka looked at her, his expression softening. "Oh," he said. "Kerry, why didn't you just say so? We could have understood that."
Kerry stumbled, caught off guard. "Oh, uh, well, you know, it, um..." She swallowed. "It kind of defeated the point. I mean, if he was turning to you guys because of me, then having me there would have been a little, well..." She shrugged.
He leaned his hip against the table, unconscious that the towel rode up a little extra. Not quite enough for the women's enjoyment, but close. "Sure, John was hurt," he said, "but he's getting over it. He'll understand."
"So, we were saying," Abby cut in, "that maybe next time the four of us should all get together at once, and...see what happens." She added a sly grin at the end. "Right, Kerry?"
Kerry froze, caught on the spot. She saw now how neatly Abby had trapped her. If she said no, Luka would know there was more than she let on, and it would be admitting to Abby that she was afraid to face John. But there was no way to avoid him if she agreed...
Come on, you can do this. It's just sex. It doesn't mean you're in love. Besides, John would never agree to seeing her again anyway, with or without Abby and Luka.
"Right," she said, nodding and forcing a smile.