By Scott J. Welles and Cathy Roberts
John was reaching for his stethoscope when the door to the lounge opened and
Kerry and Luka walked in, laughing about something. John glanced their way,
nodded and said a soft "Good morning," and then continued to get ready for
his shift. It was nice to see Kerry in a good mood for a change. The days
since she had told him that she didn't care had been tense ones, with Kerry
snapping off nearly everyone's heads.
"Good morning, Dr. Carter," Kerry greeted him as she went to her locker.
Her mind and heart were awhirl with emotions at seeing him. She had known
he was working today -- she was the one who had made up the schedule for
this week -- but she had been unprepared for the barrage of emotions that
would hit her when she did see him. The strongest of those emotions was
jealousy. Jealousy over the fact that he had left her and went to Abby and
Luka. Okay, she did have to admit to herself that he didn't go running to
their bed, but that was still where he ended up. And Kerry also couldn't
forget Abby's words from this morning, "You love him," she had said. Abby
had even bet Kerry that she would admit that love before the end of the
month. Kerry had easily accepted the bet, knowing she would win. But now,
seeing John, smelling his cologne and seeing the sadness in his eyes, well
now, Kerry wasn't so sure that it was such an easy bet. But, she had truth
on her side. She didn't fall in love any more. Couldn't fall in love. No
matter how intense John's brown eyes were. Kerry also couldn't forget the
other thing Abby had said; the bit about a foursome between her, Kerry, Luka
and John. While the thought excited her, Kerry knew there was no way that
John would ever agree to something like that. And a part of her was very
glad of that fact, too. While she still felt confident saying that she
wasn't in love with John Carter, Kerry was too afraid of what might happen
if she were once again in an intimate setting with him. Especially an
intimate setting where she had to watch him loving and being loved by other
people.
Luka watched Kerry with amusement. While Kerry had been showering, Abby had
told him about the bet. He wasn't as confident as Abby that Kerry would
lose the bet. Oh, he suspected that she did love John in her own way, but
he didn't think she'd ever admit it to herself, let alone to anyone else.
Still, the look on her face as she stole glances in John's direction was
priceless. Just priceless. As Luka got ready for work, he saw John close
his locker and head for the coffeepot.
"Would you pour me a cup, please? I had a hard night and could use the
caffeine," Luka called over his shoulder.
"Sure. Dr. Weaver? Would you like some coffee?" John asked as he reached
into the cabinet for clean cups.
"No thank you." Kerry firmly shut her locker. "Don't be too long. I know
that our shift doesn't start for another ten minutes, but the shift should
be started on time. The patients are depending on us." And with that,
Kerry escaped the suddenly small room.
"Is she talking about the two people sitting in chairs?" John asked as he
poured the coffee.
"I'm not sure. She's been crabby since breakfast."
John nearly dropped the cup that he was holding out toward Luka. "Since
breakfast?"
Luka nodded. "Yes, since breakfast. Kerry spent the night with us. This
morning she found out about the night you spent with us. She wasn't very
happy about that. Not happy at all."
"What did she say?" John asked as he placed his cup of coffee on the table
and then sat down in a chair. He couldn't trust himself to stand. If Luka
dropped another bombshell, then John wasn't sure he could keep from dropping
his cup.
"Oh, this and that. But she was jealous. You could clearly see that."
Luka sat down as well.
"I never doubted that she wanted me sexually, Luka. She admitted that
much..." John had to stop talking when the door opened and Dave Malucci
walked into the lounge.
"Man, what a shift. If your shift is only half as busy, then you guys will
be dragging by the time you go home," Dave said. He headed to his locker,
looking as tired as he claimed.
"Bad, huh?" Luka asked.
"Oh, yeah. It was foggy last night, so we had a lot of MVA's. Too many if
you ask me."
"Be careful going home, Dave. It's still foggy outside." John got to his
feet and headed for the door. "Dr. Kovac? You coming?"
Luka grinned. "Of course. See you later, Dave."
"Have a good shift, guys," Dave replied.
The day was agonizingly slow, giving John plenty of time to think. He
thought about how happy he had been during the short time he had been with
Kerry. He thought about how understanding, loving and supportive Abby and
Luka had been during the night he spent with them. John thought about Kerry
in bed with Abby and Luka and he wished he had been there, had also been a
part of the loving, even if 'love' was a term that Kerry didn't want to use.
But he hadn't been included. Probably because Kerry wouldn't have wanted
him there, since he was sure that Abby and Luka had enjoyed being with him.
But Abby and Luka couldn't take the place of Kerry in his heart. No one
could. But John knew that he had to find a way to Kerry out of his heart
and mind. She didn't want to be there and it was fruitless for him to keep
her there. To do so could only result in an unanswered longing that would
make a complete recovery from his addiction more difficult. John could see
that this is what they had in mind when they advised that a person avoid
romantic relationships during their first year of sobriety from alcohol or
drugs. It wasn't to keep the addict from finding a new crutch, it was to
keep them from looking for something to ease the emptiness inside of them if
that relationship failed. John had that emptiness, even though there had
been no failed relationship. A relationship required two people, not just
one.
There was a lot for John to think about during the day, questions that he
had for the long timers at his AA meeting. He was still thinking when he
headed into the lounge to get ready to go home. As before, he ran into
Kerry and Luka.
"John, just the person I was hoping to see," Luka said. "Abby called
earlier and she wanted to know if you would like to come over for dinner
before you two head out to the meeting. She's making a very special
desert," Luka said with a smile and a wink that he hoped Kerry saw. Abby
had been very clear that she wanted Luka to arrive home with a very willing
and able John Carter. She wouldn't tell Luka what she had planned, but he
could hear the smile in her voice when she told him that it would be a very
interesting evening. She had also been clear when she had directed Luka to
ask John when Kerry was within earshot. Luka was beginning to see that Abby
was a very sneaky person when she wanted to be.
"That would be nice," John replied. His grandparents had been scheduled to
head out of town that morning, so there was no one at home for him to put up
a front with. If he called now, then Corrine could make dinner plans for
herself, and not have to worry about feeding him.
"Great. Did you drive all the way into work?"
John nodded. "Yeah. Why? Do you need a ride home?"
"I do. I'll call Abby and let her know that you'll be coming home with me."
Luka left the lounge and John could immediately feel a sense of disapproval
in the air, definitely emanating from Kerry.
"How was your day?" John asked as he put away his things.
"Okay." Kerry's mind was racing. She had to find some way to keep John
from going home with Luka. But she couldn't think of anything that would
keep John here, either. Except for one thing. "Don't be too quick to
leave. We need a urine sample from you." Kerry brusquely informed him. It
really wasn't necessary, she knew. Mark had made John give one yesterday.
But it would delay him from leaving with Luka and give her some time in
which to think of an argument to use in order to talk John out of going over
to their place. There was also a small sense of vindictiveness present, as
Kerry knew how much John hated the random urine and blood tests. In a small
way, this would pay him back for leaving her and running to Abby and Luka.
And for what he would most likely do with Abby and Luka tonight if she
wasn't able to talk him out of going home with Luka.
John accepted the cup from Kerry with a distasteful look on his face. "And
just who is supposed to watch me? You?"
"There's no need to have an attitude about this, Carter," Kerry snapped.
She hadn't thought about who would watch. Usually Mark administered the
urine tests, not her. "Luka's obviously out of the question for this, but
Benton's still here, isn't he? I'll ask him to supervise."
John's grip on the cup tightened. Kerry knew how much he respected Peter
Benton and she had to know how humiliated he would feel with Benton watching
him pee into that damn cup.
"You know what, Dr. Weaver, I think this can wait until tomorrow, when
Mark's shift overlaps with mine. *If* I've taken anything since yesterday's
test, then it will still show up in tomorrow's sample. You can keep your
cup." John shoved it at Kerry, slammed his locker closed and walked out of
the lounge, not even bothering to see if she was shocked, angry or a
combination of the two. Was this some subtle way that Kerry was using to
tell him that she really didn't give a damn about his feelings? To make him
do that in front of Benton? To insist on a sample in the first place? John
shook his head as he approached Luka at the admit desk, still on the phone
with Abby.
"Ready?" John asked, wanting to leave before Kerry got out of the lounge.
"Sure. Abby? We're on our way now. See you in a bit." Luka hung up, then
he and John left the ER.
Back in the lounge, Kerry stared blankly at the cup. Why had she done that
to John? Why had she been so vindictive toward him?
Dinner with Abby and Luka had been relaxed and entertaining, as well as
filling. When John finally pushed his plate away, he was full. "That was
great, Abby. So, what's this 'special' desert that Luka mentioned?"
Abby grinned across the table at him. "That will have to wait until *after*
our AA meeting. Speaking of which," Abby glanced up at the clock on the
wall, "We have just enough time to clean up the kitchen before we leave."
John got to his feet and started collecting the dishes from the table. "I'm
looking forward to the end of the meeting then," he replied with a smile.
"You shouldn't be. That's one of the reasons why new relationships aren't
encouraged by AA and NA. Your attention should be on the meeting and not on
what's going to happen after the meeting," Abby chided him.
"It's not my fault, Abby. *You* were the one who brought up the subject,
not me. All I asked is what was for desert, not when it was being served,"
John pointed out, still in good humor.
"I think we should all forget about desert until we get back," Luka said as
he started to rinse dishes and put them into the dishwasher.
Abby, who was in the process of putting away the leftover food, paused.
"Where are you going?" Luka hadn't mentioned going anywhere.
"I thought I would go with the two of you. I've never been to an AA meeting
and it would be interesting to see what happens there."
Both Abby and John shook their heads, but it was Abby who spoke. "That's
not a good idea, Luka. It's not encouraged for non-alcoholics to attend."
"John's not an alcoholic, but he attends. You're his sponsor."
"I go because AA meetings are acceptable substitutes for NA meetings.
Besides, NA meetings aren't held as often. I'm not the only former addict
there. But, Abby's right about who should and shouldn't attend. And you'd
be bored, Luka."
Abby nodded. "John's right about that. You'd probably find the meeting
very boring. You just wait here and we'll be back as soon as the meeting
ends."
Luka slowly nodded. He still wanted to go, but it was obvious that he
wasn't wanted. He returned to doing the dishes, trying to think of a way
that he could get there without them knowing. He knew where the meeting was
being held, so he could go there. Maybe get there after it started and
leave before it ended? Then they would never know he had been there.
Feeling better now that he had a plan of action, Luka smiled at Abby and
John as he listened to their lighthearted banter.
Ten minutes later, Abby and John were out the door after saying farewell to
Luka with hugs and kisses. The kisses were enough to make Luka want to hold
on tightly to them both and not let them go anywhere, but he resisted that
impulse. After waiting five minutes, Luka grabbed his coat and, after
double-checking on the address for the AA meeting, he headed out the door.
Luka stood on the sidewalk, looking up at the old theater marquee. The
shadows from the letters that once spelled out "Bijou" were still easily
readable. In his travels around the United States, Luka had come across
many theaters with that name. It seemed to be a popular name at one time
and he wondered if it had any particular meaning. Had it been the name for
a chain of theaters? The outside doors were chained and Luka wondered where
one went to get inside. He looked around and then spotted a sign for the AA
meeting, indicating that the meeting was being held in the basement. Luka
walked around the building and finally found the steps that led to the
basement of the building. Once downstairs, he saw advertisements for AA,
various support groups and a church of some sort on a bulletin board.
Obviously several organizations shared the use of the old Bijou Theater, he
thought.
Hearing voices from behind a set of closed swinging doors, Luka poked his
head inside. A table laden with coffee and doughnuts was along the far wall
and a man was at the front of the room, speaking at a podium about how bad
he had felt after wrecking the family sedan during a drunken spree. This
was the place. Luka scanned the room and finally spotted the back of Abby
and John's heads. They were seated halfway up the aisle, on the far side.
Luka slipped into one of the empty chairs in the back, exchanging a nervous
smile with an older man who was also seated back there.
"First time?" the man asked.
Luka nodded. "Yeah. First time."
The other man looked sympathetic. "I've been coming here, well not *here*
exactly, but to AA for close to twenty years now. There are still times I
crave a strong drink, but I get past it. You'll make it, buddy."
"I'm not an alcoholic," Luka informed him.
"Alcohol, drugs. It's all the same when you get right down to it. It's the
craving that's the same. You'll make it. Trust me."
"Thank you," Luka replied, not thinking it was worth it to tell the man that
he wasn't a drug addict either. It bothered him a bit that this man had
been having cravings for twenty years. Did Abby go through times when she
desperately wanted a drink? Did she have times when she was in the same
condition that John was in the other night? Luka hoped not, but he was
afraid that he his hope was in vain.
"How long do these meetings last?" Luka asked, wondering just when he'd have
to make his escape.
The man shrugged. "It's supposed to be an hour long, but if a lot of people
feel the need to talk, then it will last longer. If you have to be
somewhere, then you can just get up and leave when you have to. No one
cares if you do."
Luka nodded, then checked the time on the clock, mentally making note of
when to leave.
Thirty minutes later, Luka was stifling a yawn and trying to stay awake.
John and Abby had been right. This was boring. How many times did people
have to get up there and say the same thing that the person before them had
just said? It was all the same. Luka was still thinking about how many
different ways a person could say they felt like scum for being a drunk when
he noticed that the people in front of him were getting to their feet. His
head jerked up and he stared at the clock, seeing it was past the time he
was supposed to leave. He stood up so quickly that the chair fell
backwards, the metal making a loud clanging sound on the hard tiled floor.
Luka turned and fumbled with the chair, hurrying to get it upright before he
was spotted.
"Luka." Luka froze when he heard Abby say his name. Then he took a deep
breath, righted the chair and turned to smile warmly at her. John was
standing to Abby's side, out of the way of people who were leaving.
"Abby. John."
John grinned at Luka, but remained silent. He wanted to see just what Abby
was going to do now that she had spotted Luka. He had seen Luka sitting
back here about twenty minutes earlier and had thought the man would leave
before the meeting ended. That's what he would have done if he had been the
one sneaking into a meeting he had been told not to attend.
"Luka." Abby repeated. She should have known that Luka would be here. He
had given up far too easily on his desire to come with her and John. She
was so angry with him for this. What if she or John had wanted to share
tonight? And then spotted him out in the audience? She was definitely
going to give Luka a piece of her mind about this stunt. But not here.
There were still people in here. "Come on."
Abby stalked off and John stood aside so Luka could follow her, then John
followed Luka. "I think I'm in trouble, no?" Luka asked John.
"I think so." John agreed. "I'll be there to keep her from tearing you
apart too badly." John said, grinning.
"I appreciate that. I really do." Luka replied with a grin of his own.
The grin quickly faded though when he saw Abby waiting for him beside a door
marked 'balcony'.
"Up here." She ordered as she opened the door and disappeared up the steps.
"After you," John said as he held the door open. He didn't think people
were allowed to roam the old theater, but he wasn't going to argue with Abby
about it tonight.
"Thank you." Luka followed Abby upstairs with John right behind him. Once
the door closed, it became dark on the stairs, although he could still hear
the voices of people in the meeting room. When he reached the head of the
stairs, he could see a little bit. The doors below them which led to the
unused lobby, were fully open, and light from the lobby shone into the
theater proper, giving them enough light to see each other.
As soon as Luka was standing in front of her, Abby let go of her restraint.
"How dare you follow us here? I told you that you weren't allowed to attend
this meeting, didn't I?"
Luka nodded. "You did. But nobody asked me if I was supposed to be here, so
it was okay."
"It's not okay, Luka. What if I had felt the urge to get up there and
share? Did you think about that? What if I had been in the middle of
telling people about you or something at work and then saw you sitting
there? You didn't think about that, did you?"
Luka's face fell. "I've done something to make you want to drink? You
haven't said anything to me, Abby."
Abby shook her head. "You're missing the point, Luka. Having you there
would be disruptive."
"I wasn't disruptive. Well, at least not until the chair fell over. But
you didn't answer my question. Have I done something to make you want a
drink?"
"You're doing something now!" Abby said through clenched teeth. "You are
so impossible at times, Luka Kovac! John...see if you can explain things to
this thick-headed lug." Abby turned and headed back down the stairs.
John sank into one of the chairs. "Relax, Luka, you haven't done anything.
Abby was just trying to make the point that if we had been up there sharing,
then seeing you would have inhibited us from saying what we really felt."
"But that didn't happen. Neither one of you got up to share." Luka sat in
the chair beside John's.
"No. Not tonight. She'll get over it. So, what did you think of the
meeting?" John asked with a grin.
"It was...boring. Very boring."
John laughed. "It is at that, isn't it?"
Luka laughed. "You did warn me. I should have listened to you."
"Yeah, you should have." John said, thinking how nice it sounded when Luka
laughed, and how handsome Luka looked when he was laughing. He also thought
that Luka looked especially good when he was looking contrite, as he had
while Abby had been telling him off.
Without warning, John sat up straight and leaned over toward Luka, capturing
his mouth in a light kiss. When John started to pull away, he was heartened
to feel Luka's arm wrap around his body while Luka's other hand cradled the
back of his neck to hold him in place. And then Luka deepened the kiss, his
tongue seeking entrance. John opened his mouth, eager to see which one of
them would win the war of the battling tongues.
"Have you ever had sex in a movie theater before?" Luka asked after winning
the battle.
"No. Have you?"
Luka nodded. "When I was 17. And it was with a girl. I'd like to do it
with you. Here."
John nodded, a smile spreading over his face. "There are still people here
though." They could hear voices wafting up the stairs.
"I know. Makes it more exciting doesn't it? Knowing that anyone could open
that door, walk up those stairs and catch us." Luka reached out and began
to undo John's tie. "I know it excites the Hell out of me."
John's already hard cock wouldn't allow him to contradict Luka on that.
"What about Abby?"
"She left. Her loss is my gain, right?" Luka was now undoing the buttons
of John's shirt.
"I'd say it's my gain," John said as he felt Luka's mouth on his skin and
his awareness of the voices downstairs faded.