As he dismounted, the front door opened and Jimmy heard himself being greeted by a familiar voice.
"Jimmy, thank God you're here." Buck stopped at the edge of the porch, his lean face pinched with pain and fatigue.
"I came as soon as I got the message." Jimmy slowly ascended the steps. "Am I in time?"
"Yeah. The funeral's tomorrow. But, we have a problem."
"Kid." Jimmy knew that his old friend would be in the depths of despair with not only the death of Lou to deal with, but their newborn daughter as well. Jimmy had felt devastated when he opened the wire to read that Lou had died in childbirth along with her baby. Reading that one of his closest and dearest friends was dead had made Jimmy regret that he had never taken the time to return to Sweetwater to see the success that Kid, Lou and Buck had made of the place. Deep down he had been glad that Kid had changed his mind about returning to Virginia. He and Lou would be safe in Sweetwater, he had reasoned. He had then convinced himself that he stayed away so the happy couple could form a new life together, one free of old feelings. He couldn't deny that he and Lou had been attracted to each other. Hell, he wouldn't deny it. He had Kid had fought over it so many times.
No, the feelings he wanted to deny were those he had for Kid. Feelings that ran far deeper than those of friendship. Jimmy could still remember the early days of the Express, when they still thought Lou was a boy. Jimmy had watched Kid and Lou, feeling upset that there was something going on between them. Something that wasn't supposed to go on between two boys. It took a bit for Jimmy to understand that what he felt was jealousy, and not of Lou, either. It was Kid that he wanted. He didn't want Lou until he found out he was a she.
"Jimmy, he's in bad shape. He wouldn't let anyone touch Lou or the baby and we finally had to drag him away. He went crazy then, there ain't no other way to describe it, Jimmy. Just plain crazy with grief."
"Where is he?"
"Upstairs in their room. He won't leave the chair. Won't eat. Won't sleep. He just sits there, looking at nothing, not even talking. Rachel and I have made all the funeral arrangements."
"When's the funeral?"
"Tomorrow. Everyone is scheduled to get here today -- of those who can make it. Teaspoon and Cody couldn't be tracked down. That left Amanda, Emma, Sam and you." Buck didn't want to go into how it had broken Lou's heart when her little brother Jeremiah had run away a month after Lou and Kid had brought him and Teresa to Sweetwater. No one had heard from the boy and right now Buck didn't care if Jeremiah ever found out about Lou. It was wrong for him to leave without ever writing. Not that Jimmy was much better, he thought. Not a word from him these past few years.
"Cody's busy scouting for the army. I guess that Teaspoon is somewhere in the midst of the fighting." Teaspoon had left to fight for the Confederacy. Last they had heard, according to the last letter Jimmy had gotten from Lou, Teaspoon was still alive, but that had been months ago. There was no telling if he was still that way or long buried on some forgotten battlefield.
"I've still got to dig the grave. Kid doesn't want her buried in town, he wants her buried out here."
"I'll help you with that. When were you going to do it?"
"Later in the afternoon, when it's not so hot."
Jimmy nodded, then pulled off his gloves, sighing. He did not want to go upstairs to see Kid. He did not want to acknowledge his own grief. But, he had to do both things. "I guess I better go talk some sense into him."
"Good luck."
"Thanks. Something tells me I'm gonna need it." Jimmy stepped into the coolness of the house, putting his hat and gloves on a side table. He barely took in the way the room was decorated as he made his way up the stairs and to the main bedroom. The door was ajar and Jimmy knocked softly, but there was no response. He pushed the door open and saw Kid sitting there just as Buck had described. He looked bad and Jimmy's heart lurched in his chest. If he didn't get Kid to eat something then the man would waste away until he was as dead as his family. There was no way Jimmy was going to let that happen.
Yet something held him back as he stood on the threshold of the room. A memory tugged at the back of his mind, taking him back to a time when Kid had been heartbroken over the fact that Lou had rejected him. Not that anyone could tell by the way Kid had been acting. He had taken up with the new schoolteacher and that had broken Lou's heart. Jimmy had tried to cheer her, with near disastrous results. At the time he was angry with Kid for hurting Lou, but Kid's flirtation with Samantha had been short lived. After that, he merely existed from day to day, keeping his feelings inside. Jimmy knew all of that, yet he still felt angry with him for hurting Lou. Or had he been angry that Kid's actions had hurt him as well?
One day Teaspoon sent Jimmy and Kid on an overnight run, knowing the two were not on good terms with each other. There had been too many angry words and punches about Lou for them to be easy with the idea of spending time together. The first hours of riding had been spent in agonizing silence, and it had been Jimmy who had been the one to break the silence, asking Kid if he thought they were making good time to Fort Lyons. As soon as the question left his lips, Jimmy had mentally kicked himself for asking something so stupid. Still, it made Kid laugh and that alone was worth it for Jimmy. After that they fell into a comfortable conversation, avoiding the hot topics that were sure to bring them to blows. Namely Lou and Samantha. Jimmy knew that Kid was jealous of him and how he felt about Lou. He found himself wondering what Kid would say or do if he knew that Jimmy wanted Kid and Lou to be together so he would have to force himself to stop thinking about being with Kid. Jimmy had been with other men before and had enjoyed himself just as much as he had enjoyed it when he had been with a woman. He knew it was wrong to think about his friend in terms of a lover, but Jimmy couldn't keep his mind under control whenever he was near Kid. It was his own disgust with his wayward thoughts that made Jimmy goad Kid into fighting. Those brief moments when their bodies were touching were the closest Jimmy would ever get to his dream of rolling around a bed with Kid.
It soon became obvious that they weren't going to get to the Fort that evening. For one thing, it had been well past noon when Teaspoon sent them off. Perhaps he had done that on purpose so they would have to spend a lot of time together. He didn't like it when fights broke out amongst his "boys". Jimmy and Kid made camp near a stream and busied themselves with getting something to eat.
Kid had gone to the nearby creek to get water for coffee and was momentarily out of Jimmy's sight. Because of that, Jimmy jumped to his feet, gun drawn and ready, when he heard Kid yell. When Jimmy reached the creek, he started laughing, even though it was obvious that Kid didn't share his good humor about the situation. Kid had slipped in the mud and was now covered from head to toe with the stuff.
"I'm all right, Jimmy. Thanks for asking," Kid snapped.
"Sorry. Are you sure you're all right? Nothing broken?"
"Just my pride." Kid carefully got to his feet, an expression of disgust on his face as he looked down at his dirty clothes.
"Good thing you're already at the creek. Why don't you get on in and wash your clothes? They should be dry by morning," Jimmy said. What he really wanted to do was join Kid in the creek, maybe even wash his body for him; then lead him back to their campfire where he could slowly lower him to the ground. Jimmy shifted uncomfortably as the bulge in his pants told him that he had better quit thinking along those lines.
"Good idea." Kid walked over to a fallen log and sat down. He was soon stripped to his longjohns and was beginning to remove those when Jimmy decided that he should go back to camp to check on the horses.
"Can you bring my blanket back with you? I'll need something to wear once I get out of the water," Kid said.
"Sure. I'll be right back." Jimmy hurried back to camp, cussing at himself under his breath as he willed his erection to subside. How could he take a blanket to Kid? To a naked Kid? There was no way that Kid wouldn't see his cock straining to get out of his pants and he sure as Hell knew there weren't no women around here for Jimmy to be lusting after. Maybe Jimmy could tell him that he was just thinking of Lou? That would make Kid get mad over that and he wouldn't begin to think that Jimmy had been excited by the idea of seeing him naked. Jimmy nodded as he grabbed Kid's blanket. If he had to, then he would lie to Kid...again.
Determined to keep his body under control, Jimmy headed back to the creek. Once there, his determination wavered as he saw that Kid was out of the water and hanging his clothes on the branches of a sturdy tree. Totally naked. Jimmy cleared his throat as he approached his friend, letting him know he had company. Kid turned to look at him; his face turning rosy as his hands lowered to cover himself. That was Kid all right, Jimmy thought, always shy. Feeling very glad he had the blanket in front of his body, Jimmy held it out to Kid.
"You must be cold," he said.
"Yeah. Thanks, Jimmy." Kid quickly wrapped the blanket around his body, then returned to the task of spreading out his clothing.
"Wouldn't it make more sense to hang them near the fire? They'd get drier faster that way."
"I didn't think of that." Kid began to gather his clothes. "Would you mind getting my boots? I've got my hands full."
"Not a problem," Jimmy said. He picked up the boots and followed Kid back to their campsite. He dropped the boots by Katie's saddle and was about to sit down when he noticed that Kid was having a problem. Whenever he tried to hang his clothing over the branches of the tree closest to the fire, the blanket would slip. Jimmy chewed on his lower lip as he watched. He could be nice and offer to take care of the clothes for Kid. If he did that, then Kid could stay warm in the blanket. Warm and naked. Yet, if Jimmy sat down and watched, there was a good chance the blanket would slip and he could once more see Kid's body. Jimmy's own body was telling him that was the right choice to make. For Jimmy, it felt as if hours passed as his mind battled with his cock about the issue. Finally his mind won.
"Here, let me get that," Jimmy said. He stepped beside Kid and took the clothes from him.
"Thanks." Kid intended to take a step backward, but he tripped on the blanket and began to fall.
Jimmy heard Kid's quick intake of breath and he spun around in time to see that Kid was falling, his arms reaching out to break his fall, the blanket falling to the ground. Jimmy reached out to grab Kid and found himself being pulled down to the ground with his friend.
The two lay there still for a few moments as the air had been knocked out of them. Then Kid grinned up at Jimmy.
"Damn, Jimmy. We've got to quit rolling around on the ground like this or people will start to get the wrong idea."
"Let them," Jimmy growled as his cock took over from his brain. He reached up and held Kid's head steady with his hands as his mouth claimed Kid's. Jimmy had no idea what would happen when the kiss ended, but he didn't care. All he cared about was how right it felt to be lying on top of Kid at that moment.
