"There To Catch Him If He Falls, Part 2"
by Melissa and Cathy (glroberts@bigfoot.com
Subject has conflict-avoidance issues.
Thank God for opposite schedules. My roommate's hours meant that we each had the room to ourselves for long stretches of time. I was so grateful for that on that first morning with Carter. Our first time had lived up to my expectations, to say the least. We took our time, touching, tasting, teasing, laughing. Afterward, we lay together on the narrow bed.
He sighed, and I knew he was feeling guilty. "What's wrong?" I asked, although I knew.
"Just wondering what to say to Roxanne."
Roxanne. I knew she wouldn't give up on Carter easily, and I knew she'd suspect that I was involved, somehow. She practically hissed at me every time she saw me. Carter had told me he was ending their relationship, though, and I believed him.
"When are you going to see her again?" I worded it carefully. Not 'when are you going to tell her'. No pressure, although I wanted him to call her immediately, preferably without moving out of my bed.
"Well, I was supposed to see her this morning, actually," he said with a smile.
"And what excuse did you give her?"
"I didn't. I told you I came here on the spur of the moment."
"Stood her up? Very ungallant." I smirked, suspecting how much he'd hate that charge. He had certainly hated it when I had called him gallant while we had been searching for Corinna Nelson's father. But, he was. Gallant, I mean. He just never believed it.
"I know. And standing her up to cheat on her -- I don't do that. Never." He was beating himself up for it, but I was more annoyed at the fact that he seemed so sorry for what we'd done.
"Maybe you should go to her then," I said, challenging him to put the subject behind us, or to leave. It had to be one or the other, because I didn't want to talk about her any more.
"I can't cheat on her, Lucy. I just can't."
"Can't or won't?" I shot back. "She's really got you trained, doesn't she?"
He looked hurt, but he didn't answer me.
"You should leave now." I got up and began to dress. He got up and tried to talk to me face to face. I wasn't having any of it. "I told you to leave. Now go."
"Lucy, look...I want to make a go of it with you, but I have to do things right. I don't see two women at once - it's not fair. I have to end things with her first. It's only fair to both of you."
"What's fair is that you concentrate on the person you're with. I don't want you here thinking about Roxanne, and I'm sure she doesn't want you thinking about me when you're with her. When you decide what you want, let me know." I walked out quickly, leaving him to dress and leave. I knew that if I stayed in the room, I couldn't handle it.
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Subject is reluctant to make decisions that hurt people
When I had told him to let me know what he had decided, I hadn't expected to wait weeks. But, I did. I should have written him off, but I didn't. I waited for him. And my waiting was rewarded one morning when Roxanne asked to meet me for coffee and breakfast. She grilled me, asking if I was involved with Carter. With a straight face and clean conscience, I was able to tell her no. We talked about him then, each one coming up with the same conclusion - that he was a sweet, but mixed up guy.
By the end of the day, I had found out that he had broken up with Roxanne. She had pushed him. Given him an ultimatum. And he had taken it and broke up with her. We sat up on the roof later, talking about it. Talking about relationships and commitment and what we both wanted. He stood to leave, then stepped over to where I sat perched on a low dividing wall. He sat down beside me.
"Is it too late, Lucy?"
I glanced down at my watch. "No. It's only nine."
He smiled. "Not that time. Your time. You told me to let you know when I made my decision about breaking up with Roxanne. Am I too late?"
I silently shook my head. I should have been telling him that he was too late. That I wouldn't have anything to do with him now. But, I didn't. I couldn't.
His smile grew wider and I recognized the look in his eyes as he leaned toward me. It was that teasing look, containing both affection and a hint of barely suppressed laughter. Irresistible, not that I had any intention of resisting.
When he kissed me, I knew I wanted more, and I didn't want to wait. Luckily a hospital roof, with the necessary construction oddities, has plenty of secluded spots. I decided to be daring, and led him to one. Standing, I pulled him closer. God, I'd missed this.
His back was up against the railing, and I pushed myself into him as he tangled his hands in my hair and continued those long, languorous kisses. His hand brushed my thigh, and I silently said a little prayer of thanks that I'd decided to wear such a short skirt. I loved how his hands felt on my skin -- his palms rough from the harsh washings, the fingers warm, sure in their movements.
"It's been so long since I've tasted you," he said, and then it was my turn to be pressed up against the wall, the concrete scraping into my back, the coolness there contrasting with the warm breeze and the warm body in front of me. His teeth nipped gently at my neck as his hands continued their explorations, touching my breasts, grazing my thighs. He then knelt in front of me, and my universe narrowed to the feel of his tongue taking possession of me,
his warm breath teasing me, and his fingers sliding inside me.
His fingers weren't enough. I felt some instinct taking over, wanting to be filled, taken, owned. I slid to the floor of the roof and pulled him on top of me, fumbling inexpertly with his clothes to get access to what I wanted. He continued to tease me with his mouth and hands until I demanded more.
"What do you want, Lucy? Tell me." His voice was a whisper, his eyes unreadable. I looked up past him, seeing the sky above us. Right now, I didn't care if a whole fleet of helicopters was about to land.
"I need you inside me...I need you to come inside me," I whispered, drawing him still closer. We didn't have condoms this time, it had happened too quickly, but the logical part of my brain whispered its reassurance -- no chance of pregnancy, and you both were tested a few weeks ago. Enjoy it, I thought to myself. Bare skin against bare skin...there was something so primal about this, so primitive, about wanting this, and I reveled in it.
We were so aroused, so ready, that orgasm approached quickly for us both. Feeling his penis pulsing inside me sent me over the edge, gasping, and afterward, we lay together in silence for a few moments.
"Benton thinks I want him, you know," I said in a confiding tone. My comment was met by a peal of laughter.
"Tell me you don't, please," he laughed, knowing the answer.
"I asked him if it was okay if I date my supervisor once the rotation has ended. He just gave me this incredulous look, told me yes, then became a little flustered, I think. I wonder how he would have reacted if a man had asked him that. Think he plays both sides?"
"I can't believe we're talking about Benton after having sex. No, he doesn't, definitely. Some do, though...ones you wouldn't expect."
I pleaded for more details, but John refused, pulling me to my feet and straightening my clothes and hair for the elevator ride back down to the ER...back to reality, maybe?
"Come on, you have to tell me. It's unfair to drop a bombshell like that and not give details," I said, once we were in the elevator.
"Okay, but you're sworn to secrecy. Doug Ross made a pass at me a couple of years back."
"Did you say no?" I was rewarded for that barb by an elbow in the ribs. "Seriously, maybe you were misinterpreting it."
"Let's just say he was pretty explicit," John smiled, "but he did take no for an answer."
"Good thing he didn't think you were just playing hard to get. So to speak." I suppressed a giggle, then continued, "Maybe I should have played that game a little?"
"Not a chance, not a chance." The elevator doors opened, and we walked out into the ER. Quite a few pairs of eyes were on us, but it didn't faze him. "So, I'm off in an hour. Do you feel like waiting around?" When I nodded, he leaned in and kissed me lightly on the lips, then walked around the corner.
There was nothing to keep us from seeing each other, nothing to hide, no one in the way now. I felt like telling everyone he was taken, just in case they got any ideas. Then I realized...by kissing me in front of all of them like that, he had already done so.
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Subject has history of failed relationships.
Carter's cousin Chase, whom he often talked about, is a resident of a long-term care facility. Although Carter was a local, I hadn't met any of his family -- it was too soon for that. I was pleased, though, when he asked me to come visit Chase with him.
John warned me that although Chase was brain-damaged, it was his belief that the main difficulties were in speech and motor functions, not in reasoning. Because he still blamed himself for Chase's condition, he wondered sometimes if Chase blamed him. He seemed to carry so much guilt with him. I was going to work on that.
As we walked in the room, Chase smiled at me. "Anna!"
I saw a sad look in John's eyes as he knelt down to speak to Chase. "No, Chase, this is Lucy. Anna's gone. We've talked about that before."
"Anna," Chase said firmly, looking at me. It occurred to me that I'd never seen her. Did I really look like her? I started to feel insecure, wondering if John was unconsciously using me as a sort of substitute. Berating myself for those selfish thoughts, I pushed them aside and joined John in front of Chase. I looked him in the eye and took his hand. "I'm Lucy. Hi, Chase. John's told me so much about you."
The rest of the visit passed uneventfully, and we left when a nurse came in to take Chase to physical therapy. We were silent for awhile, and I wondered who John was thinking about. Chase? Me? Anna?
"You loved her, didn't you?" I already knew the answer. Even if I hadn't been filled in on the hospital gossip, John's reaction to her name, after all this time, clued me in.
"Yeah, I did...I did," he said quietly, not looking at me. "I suppose you want to hear about her?"
When I nodded, he started the car and began the drive out. "We got along so well at first --"
"A miracle for you," I interjected.
"Yeah, a miracle for me." He smiled. "I knew she had a chip on her shoulder about people with money, so I kept my family out of the picture for awhile. Of course she found out, and was more angry that I'd lied than at the fact of the money." He shrugged, then continued, "It was tense for awhile, but we eventually made up. She even bailed me out of jail once."
"What?!"
"Don't ask. Then...Christmas...I'd found out about Chase, my family was hounding me to quit the hospital again, and I just couldn't face them. So I spent the night at Anna's. We both felt a little lost -- she was missing her family, I missed mine in a way -- and one thing led to another. It was incredible...and awful. Mostly awful. She said someone else's name --"
"Oh, God."
"Not God. I could have handled that," he smiled. "She was embarrassed, I was upset, but tried not to show it, and we both thought it best if I left. She pretended afterward like nothing had happened -- nothing at all, and I went along with it. Thought maybe if I tried again later, much later, it could be with a clean slate."
"And did you?"
"I did try, but her old boyfriend came back on the scene. She'd told me he was a heroin addict, but changed her story once he arrived, probably just in case it leaked and got him in some trouble. They got back together, and I just couldn't cope with it. And she was flaunting it to me, like she didn't know how I felt. Or didn't care." He sighed, then appeared to concentrate on his driving once more.
I knew the rest, how she'd gotten the message from the rest of the staff that she was no longer welcome, and had left. At least they'd chosen Carter's side. How could they not? I thought this might be a good opportunity to learn a little more about him, since he was in the mood for talking, so I pressed him further. "But surely that wasn't the first time your heart had been broken?"
"No, of course not. There were the usual things in high school, and then was a girl in college who I broke it off with because I thought she was a little too serious. And Harper Tracy -- med student at County -- I was going to ask her to move in with me the night she dumped me. But I wasn't in love with any of them...not really."
Not like Anna, I concluded to myself. Time to take his mind off this line of conversation and get it back to me, where it belonged. I glanced around quickly. Darkness had fallen, and there wasn't much traffic.
I dived over and buried my head in his lap. He yelped, swerved, and finally regained control of himself and the car. He didn't tell me to stop, though. In fact, within a few moments, he was begging me not to.
The whimpering sounds he made urged me on, and as my movements grew faster, his hips began to rock, and he trembled. My mouth filled with the taste of him, something I didn't think I'd tire of anytime soon.
Afterwards, I straightened his clothes and sat up again, leaving my hand in place to stroke his thigh. The happy, dazed look on his face spoke volumes, and I had to laugh. I suspected I'd been successful in diverting his mind, and knew I was going to get ample payback over the next few hours, once we arrived back at his place.
The subject is definitely a master of payback.