Author/pseudonym: Cathy Roberts
Email address: huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Completed
Pairing: John Carter/Luka Kovac
Date: April 7, 2003
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 7/7
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. I owe a special thanks to Melissa for planting the story idea in my head and being there to look over each bit as it was written.
Summary: The slashy adventures of John Carter and Luka Kovac in the Congo. The song "Grace Is Gone" is by Dave Matthews.
Dr. Kovac, I Presume, Part 7
By Cathy Roberts
"I miss my grandmother," John's voice seemed loud in the quiet of the dark hotel room. Their tears dried, the two lay in bed still, wrapped in each other's arms, quiet as the night progressed. John wasn't sure what spurred him to say those words, but that's what he had been feeling. He'd been feeling that loss since the moment he received the phone call at work telling him that Millicent Carter had apparently died in her sleep.
"Even before Bobby died, Gamma had most to do with raising me. Raising him. Hell, raising all of us, I think. She was the ultimate example of a reigning matriarch. Grandfather was rather formidable in his own right, but I think we were all a bit more afraid of disappointing Gamma, even our parents felt that way." John laced his fingers through Luka's, glad to have the man next to him.
"My grandmother's were both strong women, also. One died when I was around twelve or so, but I still have very vivid memories of her; the other died when I was twenty. We named our daughter after her," Luka said.
John nodded against Luka's chest, liking the way Luka's voice reverberated through his body. He liked the way Luka's body rose and fell with each breath he took. John liked the way their hearts seemed to beat in unison. He liked everything about Luka, and wondered if this was a new thing, or just something he'd been ignoring all those year. "For so long, it felt as if I had to fight for everything. Fight against everything, everyone. Before Bobby got sick, it was 'act like a gentleman' or 'a Carter would never behave that way'. When Bobby was ill it seemed I was always being told to be quiet, or to not cry. Once he was dead and I told them all that I wanted to be a doctor, I was discouraged from that. I was destined for business, just as Bobby had been. Be more like Bobby, they'd say. And when I insisted on taking as many pre-med type courses as I could in college, they all were critical of that, as well. When it finally got through to them that I was going to medical school, it was decided that I would be a surgeon. Once they decided that, it was decided that it would be a high profile specialty. They were disappointed when I first chose general surgery and then later switched to trauma. They were often disappointed with me."
John looked up through the darkness toward the ceiling, not sure why he was telling Luka all of that. Hell, Luka had no idea who 'they' were, outside of them being John's family. But these things obviously needed to be said, so John continued, "Gamma was my support for nearly all of my life. Without her, I probably would have caved in and done everything they wanted. God knows she tried to get me to do what she wanted, what she thought was best for me. But she learned a few years ago that I was my own man, with my own ideas about my life. I think she first got the hint when I told her to keep the trust fund. She wasn't used to having anyone in the family give up money. I don't know what she'd think about this, about us...I think she'd like you, though. She, well, she likes the way your father paints." John admitted.
"She's seen his work?" Luka asked, surprise in his voice.
"She's seen a few pieces," John said. "After you said that he was an artist, I checked him out. I liked what I saw, so I bought a few paintings."
"You bought my father's paintings?" Luka's voice was unreadable, and John squirmed uncomfortably beside him.
"Yes. He's a very good painter, Luka."
"It's a hobby."
"I like his work." John didn't want to talk any longer about Luka's father. "Gamma even approved of me asking Abby to marry me. Not that I ever did. I almost did, though. Well, I guess I *did * ask her, but it wasn't the best proposal in the world and I don't think Abby took me seriously. So, I decided to do it right, bought out an entire restaurant for it, was about to ask her, then put the ring back in my pocket. Somehow or another she knew...maybe women have a sixth sense about that kind of stuff. Or maybe Susan or Maggie told her; they both knew I was going to propose that night."
"Why didn't you?" Luka's voice was now soft, considerate.
"I'm not sure. I had driven Maggie to the bus station earlier that evening and we talked. She mentioned that you can't go into marriage wanting to change the other person. You have to accept them as they are. I had thought I was doing that, but when we were at the restaurant it seemed to me that maybe I wasn't. I didn't like the fact that Abby was drinking. I wanted her to quit, not for me, but for herself. She deserves better than to do that to herself. I mentioned to her that I thought we had both been growing, changing over the years. She replied that she didn't think people ever changed. And that's when I put the ring back. I tried to give the ring back to Gamma; it's a family heirloom of sorts. She told me that it was mine to give or not give."
John lifted their hands into the air, barely making out the form of Luka's fingers in the dim light of the LED clock on the nightstand. "I don't think the ring would look quite right on you, though."
"Probably not," Luka replied, sounding amused.
"Maybe my sister will get married and want it," John said. "God knows I don't need it now." He turned his head and saw the time, then cursed under his breath. "It's late, and we've got a plane to catch. I'm sorry that I was a mess when you got here. I had these plans of us ordering in room service, stripping down and relaxing and eating dinner in the Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom, then making love for half of the night."
"That's okay," Luka rubbed his hand up and down John's arm. "We have plenty of time to make love once we get home."
"I know," John replied. He liked the feel of Luka's hand against his bare skin, and was glad they were at least naked together under the covers, even if nothing else had happened. "This trip...all that was expected of me was for me to be a doctor, to help. And I did that. I met those expectations and didn't disappoint anyone. It felt really good, Luka, really good. I hadn't realized just how much I feel as if I have to meet everyone's expectations back in Chicago. Stay sober, be a good son, be a good boyfriend, be a good friend, be a Carter...being a good doctor seemed to have gotten lost in all of that."
"I know what you mean," Luka replied, a yawn in his voice. "I had lost that somewhere along the way as well. I'm glad we both got that back. I'm glad we've got each other. I'm still not quite sure how it happened, or why, but I'm glad that I finally found what and who I was looking for. Of course, there might have been a little less heartache if I had discovered this months ago..."
John nodded. "Yes, it would. But it would have had to have been more like a year ago to avoid heartache. Once I was with Abby, I was with her." John propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at Luka's face. "I don't cheat, Luka. I might flirt a bit."
Luka's laugh made John grin. "Okay, I might flirt a lot, but I don't cheat. When I'm with someone, then I'm with them."
"Good, because aside from being the same way myself, I'm also very possessive," Luka replied as he pulled John back down to his side, kissing him deeply. "And right now I'm very sleepy, so close your eyes and get some rest."
"Bossy, too, aren't you?" John asked with a smirk.
"Get used to it," Luka replied as he wrapped his arms securely around John's body.
John snuggled up against Luka, resting his head once more on Luka's shoulder as he closed his eyes. As Luka had said, he didn't know how or why this had happened, but he didn't regret it one bit.
The irritating jingling of the telephone pulled John out of his deep sleep, and he scowled at the phone for a moment before reaching to pick it up. As he listened to the voice of the desk clerk, he sat up in bed, suddenly wide awake as he realized it was after nine in the morning and they had to check in at the Lufthansa counter by ten. John thanked the clerk for the wake up call, then poked Luka in the hip.
"Wake up. We're running late," John said as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. "Thank God the desk called up here, but I never asked for a wake-up call."
"I did," Luka said, his voice rough from sleep as he followed John into the bathroom and the shower. "I called down last night when you were getting ready for bed."
"Thank you." John said, grinning as the hot water pushed his body further toward awareness. He poured out enough shampoo into his palm for himself and Luka, applying it to each head with a smirk. "You'll have to wash yourself, I'm afraid," he said as he reached for the soap. "Because if I start to wash you we'll end up missing our flight, and I really don't want to have to call my travel agent and tell her I need to reschedule because I was too busy sucking off my boyfriend to get to the airport."
"Is that so?" Luka responded, a grin on his face as he began to massage his scalp. "And what if the reason would be me fucking you silly?"
"That would never happen," John quickly retorted, noting that Luka was just as hard as he was. Already thoughts of airplane sex were running through his head and he wondered if he could convince Luka into doing that during the flight. "We don't fuck."
Luka rolled his eyes as he jostled for position under the spray of water. "Details, details..."
"Yes, but you have to admit that it's a pretty important detail," John said as he ran his soapy hand over Luka's back. At least John hoped that Luka felt that making love and fucking weren't the same things.
Luka turned around, grasped John by the upper arms and swung them both around in the shower, putting John under the water. "I agree," he said as he leaned in to grab a quick kiss before stepping back out of the range of the water. Luka's eyes were dark as he watched John wash his hair and then begin to rinse away the shampoo and soap.
"Enjoying yourself?" John asked with a grin as he turned around to rinse off the front of his body.
"Quite a bit, actually," Luka replied. "Not as much as I would have liked, but still, I do get quite a bit of enjoyment out of watching you. I think I always have."
John's grin grew wider as he turned off the water and turned around once more so he could face Luka. "Good, because I enjoy watching you, too." He caught the towel that Luka tossed in his direction and began to dry his body, glad he had booked a room at a hotel near the airport so that there had been time for a quick shower and to dress. It would still be a bit of a rush to get to the airport, but John was fairly confident that they'd make it on time. Of course, the more he looked over at Luka as the man dried off and then began to dress, the more John began to like the idea of having to stay in London one more night. But, they were both expected back to work, and John couldn't put off going home and facing Abby. Aside from any leftover topics regarding the disintegration of their relationship, he did have things that he needed to get from her place. Neither activity was something that John was looking forward to. The only good thing about getting home was that he'd be there with Luka, and, all things considered, being with Luka was one Hell of a reason to enjoy being home.
Luka thanked the flight attendant as she removed his lunch tray. Despite sleeping in a bit, Luka was still a bit tired, and having a full stomach was now making him sleepy. He stifled a yawn as he turned toward John and the amused look that John was giving him.
"Lunch was good," Luka said. By all rights, Carter should have also been yawning, but the man looked wide-awake. Of course, the three cups of coffee that John had had back in the Lufthansa waiting area before the flight ever left the ground most likely played a big role in Carter's state of alertness.
"I know," John replied, the amused look never leaving him.
Luka nodded, then raised his eyebrows in a surprise as Carter's hand reached for his. It wasn't that Luka minded holding hands with Carter, in fact, he was thrilled that Carter wanted to hold hands. It was just that it wasn't something Luka had been expecting from Carter, even though Carter hadn't hesitated to touch him or kiss him on the way to the airport when they left Kinsangani. Still, an international flight from London to Chicago surrounded by strangers was a lot different than being in the back of an army issue cargo truck with people they knew. But Luka wasn't going to discourage Carter's advances, even if Carter was making Luka's pants a bit tighter with the way he was rubbing his thumb over Luka's palm. "Did you know that what you're doing excites me?" Luka whispered as he leaned a bit closer to Carter.
John's amused smile widened, but the slow rubbing of Luka's palm never stopped. "I know."
"We're in an airplane, Carter." Luka looked around the first class cabin. There were three other passengers in there with them, plus the flight attendant. One person was seated behind them and from the sound of the soft snoring coming from that direction, Luka knew the man was out of it for a while. Probably a combination of lunch and the three alcoholic drinks he'd had while waiting for lunch to be served. The other two passengers were a couple seated across the aisle and up one row. Newlyweds, Luka thought, since from what he could see, they were constantly touching and looking at one another, giggling from time to time. Pretty much like the way he and Carter had been acting, only they were a bit more blatant.
"I know."
"You're making me hard," Luka's gaze shifted back to Carter. Damn, but that smile was still there, even though there was something else besides amusement in Carter's eyes right then. Looking down, Luka noticed the bulge in Carter's pants, and he smiled. "You're hard."
"I know."
Luka shook his head as he chuckled. Carter definitely had something on his mind, and Luka could only hope that it involved more than getting the two of them hot and bothered in a tin can where they couldn't do anything about it. "We're not alone," he said.
"I know." And then John leaned closer to Luka, his lips softly brushing over Luka's ear as he whispered. "But we can be. Let me out."
Luka moved his legs out of the way so Carter could get into the aisle. He had a feeling that Carter was talking about having sex on the plane. It was something Luka had heard about, but never had the opportunity to try.
John leaned down and whispered into Luka's other ear. "Pay attention to which lavatory I go into and then follow me in there. The door won't be locked." And with that, John turned and headed forward, going into the lavatory on the left hand side of the plane. Luka was getting to his feet when he noticed the female half of the newlywed couple leaving her seat and going into the other lavatory. He grinned as he noticed that that door didn't get locked, either.
As he moved forward, he and the male half of the couple grinned at each other. "I won't tell if you won't," Luka said as he gestured for the man to step out into the aisle ahead of him. It would be good for Carter to have to wait, he thought, although, judging by the arousal evident behind the man's pants, neither Carter nor the woman would be waiting long.
As soon as the man slipped into the correct door, the 'occupied' sign came on for it, and Luka slowly opened the door for the one on the left, definitely liking the prize that was behind door number one. He pulled the door shut and locked it, no longer caring that they were in an airplane. All he cared about was that Carter was standing in front of him, his pants already undone and pushed down, his erection proudly displayed for Luka and Luka alone.
"There's not much room in here," Luka commented as one step forward enabled them to be touching. Luka grasped Carter by the shaft of his cock, then slowly began to run his hand up and down it and creating low moans from within Carter's throat.
"We don't need a lot of room," John huskily replied as he handed a condom to Luka, then wrapped his hand around Luka's neck, pulling him even closer as their lips met in a long and passionate kiss.
Luka didn't hesitate to take advantage of Carter's slightly parted lips. His tongue dove inside of that hot mouth, running over Carter's smooth teeth and gums, wrestling a bit with Carter's tongue and then surrendering when Carter bean to suck hungrily on Luka's tongue. Within his pants, Luka's cock swelled even further, needing release...needing to be buried somewhere inside of Carter.
The kiss ended and John reached down to undo Luka's pants, pushing them down until Luka's cock bobbed freely in the air. Bending over, John managed to place a kiss on the glistening head, then he straightened up, grinned at Luka and turned around, bending slightly at the waist and propping his hands against the wall above the toilet seat.
"How's this?" John asked as he looked over his shoulder at Luka.
Luka gazed longingly at the perfect ass offered up in front of him. "It's perfect, just perfect," he said. He opened the foil and withdrew the condom, rolling it securely over his now throbbing cock. "Lubricant? We need something..."
Luka looked around and saw a dispenser for hand cream. He pumped out a more than generous portion into his hand and the small room was immediately awash in the scent of lavender. Luka found himself grinning as he rubbed it between his hands and then began to work in onto Carter's skin, the moans that were coming out of Carter's throat were definitely feeding the fire within Luka, and he found himself moving quickly as he readied his lover for what was to happen next.
"Ready?" he asked, his voice hoarse as he stepped up behind Carter.
"I've been ready since we got in the shower this morning," John replied, once more turning his head to look back at Luka. "Maybe we'll get lucky and hit some turbulence," he added, a grin on his face that Luka's lips soon chased away.
"I've created a monster..." Luka muttered as he positioned himself at Carter's opening.
"It's alive, it's alive," John said, his voice sounding as if he were in a horror movie. Then he chuckled. "Kovac's monster...I think that more describes what you've go...Jesus!" John's voice broke off as Luka began to enter him. "God, yes...Luka...keep going..."
Smiling to himself over the new way he'd found to shut Carter up, Luka happily gave in to Carter's request to keep moving inward. The movement, though, was slow and easy, and it seemed as if an eternity had passed before Luka could feel the skin of Carter's perfect ass against his belly. Luka lightly nipped the skin at Carter's shoulder through his shirt, not caring that he was leaving the material wet. He could feel the body below him beginning to tremble with want and need, and knew that he himself wouldn't be able to hold off too much longer.
"Luka...please?"
"Please what?" Luka asked, knowing that his lack of movement was driving Carter crazy. After pulling Carter's shirt up to expose the skin on his body, Luka moved his head so that he could suck at the skin on Carter's other shoulder, quite content to mark the man as his.
"You're not moving! You should be moving...what if the flight attendant knocks on the door and needs us to leave?"
"I'll tell her she has to wait because I'm taking my time making love to you."
"Luka...!" John's hips began to move then, going forward until he was almost off of Luka and then slamming backward. Luka stood completely still, quite liking this new talent that Carter had discovered.
"That's good," he whispered into Carter's ear. "That's very, very good. Keep going." Luka began to nuzzle Carter's neck while his lover began to impale himself over and over again.
While it felt good, Luka knew he'd never let it go on. He wanted to be the one claiming Carter as opposed to having Carter taking him. So, with one final suck of Carter's earlobe, Luka pulled back until he was nearly out and then slowly and surely returned home. "Be still," he said as his hands went to Carter's hips to make sure he obeyed that simple command.
Over and over again Luka's thrust went in and out, the vibrations of the airplane heightening the experience quite a bit, and he wasn't even touching the plane itself, not the way Carter was. "Is this good for you?" Luka asked as he paused on one inward thrust. "Is it more exciting for you to do it in here?"
John's head nodded. "It's good, very good. And it's exciting for me no matter where we are, Luka." He turned his head in time to place a kiss on Luka's lips.
Luka's tongue snaked into Carter's mouth again, probing and seeking, tasting and claiming. His hips began to move faster, his thrusting growing harder with each movement. One hand slipped from Carter's hip to his groin, grasping that still hard cock and stroking it, keeping in sync with his thrusting, wanting them both to come at the same time.
"Oh, God..." John gasped. "Luka...that's...don't stop...faster...please, Luka?"
"As you wish," Luka whispered into Carter's ear as he increased the speed of both his hips and his hand. "I want you to come with me, John...come for me...can you do that? Are you nearly there?" God, but he wanted that so much, to feel Carter's orgasm as it tore through him and then to reach his own plateau of pleasure at the same time or just after.
"Yes!" John strongly replied, and Luka found himself wondering just how soundproof the lavatories were. Considering that the newlywed couple was most likely starting to get loud as well, Luka was certain that the rest of the passengers would be getting quite an earful.
But knowing they might be overheard did nothing to slow Luka's movements. All that mattered was taking them both to completion, of claiming John Carter yet one more time as his own. All that mattered was letting John Carter claim him yet one more time. That was the most important part, Luka felt, that Carter was claiming him with each touch, each kiss, each whimper of desire, each moan of passion. And Luka knew he never wanted to belong to anyone else.
It hit him without warning, his core, the very essence of his being exploding and falling in a million scattered pieces as his body instinctively thrust forward one hard, last time. Luka could feel his cock throbbing as it strained to send his seed into John, even as he felt John's cock spasm in his hand while John took a sharp intake of breath. A very loud cry of "Luka!" filled the small room, and placed a few soft kisses between John's shoulder blades, running his tongue over the sheen of sweat that lay there. He loved the way Carter tasted and smelled.
Moving carefully, Luka withdrew, turning to the sink to wash his hands and then to dispose of the condom. He wet a paper towel and passed it over to Carter, grinning as he took in the flushed, and most definitely sated, appearance of his lover.
"Welcome to the 'club'. I hope you enjoyed your initiation," John said as he took the paper towel from Luka and began to clean up.
"I enjoyed it very much thank you," Luka replied as he hid the condom within a bunch of tissues and then placed it all in the trash receptacle. "Need any help?" he asked as he pulled up his own pants and began to tuck his shirt back in.
"I've got it covered. Why don't you go on back to your seat? If we leave together, it might look odd," John replied with a grin that was soon followed by a long and searching kiss. "I'll be right out."
Luka nodded, then unlocked the door. "I'll be waiting."
"I know."
Chuckling, Luka opened the door, only to have it knock hard against another object, which turned out to be the other lavatory door. After a flurry of 'sorry' and 'you go on', he finally stepped out of the room, the grin on his face as wide as the grin on the face of the newlywed who had been trying to get out of the other lavatory. As the two men walked back to their seats, the 'occupied' signs for both went back on.
"Hell of a club, ain't it?" the guy asked as he slipped into his seat.
"It certainly is," Luka agreed as he walked past him and then sat back down. "It certainly is."
Feeling more than a little tired, Luka yawned and then closed his eyes, and it was the faint scent of lavender that told him Carter was now out of the lavatory. As soon as Carter was settled with his safety belt on, Luka kissed him longingly. Another yawn overcame him, and he smiled apologetically at him.
"I think you wore me out," John softly said as he stifled a yawn of his own.
"I know," Luka replied with a grin. "I know."
Hand in hand, John and Luka left the customs area with all their luggage, not caring that they were the last ones to leave from their flight. Even though the plane had touched down about fifty or so minutes earlier, John still knew he wouldn't 'feel' as if he were really home until he was looking at the outside of O'Hare, and, as he and Luka stepped into onto the escalator that would take them to the lower level and the exit for the parking lot, John took a deep breath.
Nevertheless, John smiled over at Luka as he gave the man's hand a squeeze. "It's good to be home."
Luka grinned back. "Yes, it is. Is your Jeep here? I took a cab when I left, so if you don't have the Jeep then we'll need to get a cab to...wherever..."
"Your place, I think," John said with a shy smile. Even though they had managed to join the fabled 'Mile High Club', John wanted nothing more than to make love with Luka in Chicago, the sooner the better. "Or mine. Whichever one is closer. And, I do have the Jeep. At least, I hope it's still sitting there in long term parking."
Luka chuckled. "I like the way you're thinking. Let's get to your Jeep and then we can figure out who lives closer."
"Sounds good to me," John said, and they stepped off of the escalator and headed for the exit, their bodies soon lost in the crowd of people who were also leaving the airport.
From her spot near the window, Abby Lockhart hastily wiped away a tear as several conflicting emotions assailed her. She had decided to come to meet John's plane, to see if they could talk. Being without him, being alone once they had talked on the phone - all of it had made her see that she had wronged him, and she wanted another chance. She hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since that phone call, knowing that being drunk had contributed greatly to her taking Hank home with her in the first place. Fear of being alone and her continued drinking had made her keep Hank nearby, using him to fill the void that John's absence had left within her.
She had been so wrong, so very, very wrong, and had hoped that if she could talk with John in person, he'd forgive her. The last thing in the world she had expected was to see him coming out of customs with Luka Kovac. Especially hand in hand with Luka. Jesus, had John found comfort in Luka's arms? In his bed? The idea was too much for her to contemplate. The one thing that stood out the most to her was just how damn happy John had looked with Luka.
Luka. Abby's hands clenched into fists as his words from the time they broke up echoed in her head: not all that special, not all that pretty. And the worst ones of them all "Carter can have you." And now Luka was obviously having John Carter. What about the Christmas party at Susan's, when Luka had said he missed her? Lies. All lies.
She had sobered up and stayed that way so she could prove to John that she wasn't going to let alcohol ruin her life or their relationship and what did it get her? The sight of John and Luka walking hand in hand in the airport. A vision of the diamond ring that John had never shown her danced in Abby's mind. A proposal that should have happened. She had often wondered why it hadn't and now began to wonder if Luka had had anything to do with that. After all, it had been Luka who had convinced John to go on the missions trip in the first place, even urged him to choose the Congo, since that was where Luka was going.
Guilt, sorrow and regret were now mixed with jealousy and anger, and Abby vowed to herself that one way or the other, she'd get John back into her life where he belonged. And if she happened to destroy Luka Kovac along the way, well, then so be it.
She started to head toward the exit and somehow ended up stepping into one of the bars. But there she was, seated on a stool and ordering a double, tossing back the whiskey as if the burning liquid could somehow erase the image of John and Luka from her mind.
One drink to remember then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget
Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone
The End