Author/pseudonym: Cathy Roberts
Email address: huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Completed
Pairing: John Carter/Luka Kovac
Date: February 22, 2003
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 3/7
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure.
Summary: The slashy adventures of John Carter and Luka Kovac in the Congo. The song "Grace Is Gone" is by Dave Matthews.
Dr. Kovac, I Presume, Part 3
By Cathy Roberts
John was very much enjoying the bath Luka was giving him. The scalp massage and shampoo had been very nice, the back scrubbing even nicer. And now that Luka was slowly rubbing the wash cloth over John's chest, heading toward his belly, the bath was getting so much better than he'd ever thought a bath could be. The only way it could be better would be if Luka were in the tub with him, but John knew better than to bring that subject up again. Besides which, the bath was almost over, and then it would be his turn to bathe Luka. Provided Luka didn't change his mind about that happening.
In a way, John was almost hoping that Luka would change his mind. As the minutes went by with nothing but touching everywhere except where John needed the most to be touched, he was more than ready to get out of the tub and over to the bed, so Luka could fulfill his promise to him.
Looking down at Luka's hand, John bit back a moan. Luka was so close to his penis, nearing that hardness that begged to be touched. John had seen Luka looking at it, just as he had managed a few glimpses of Luka's erection, and a beautiful sight that organ was, too. The next noise that John made, though, wasn't a moan. Not really. It was close to a whimper, or a squeak of protest when Luka moved the washcloth past his belly button and then to his knee of all places.
"Luka..."
"You're not going to argue with me, are you?" Luka asked, his face bent over John's knee while the cloth moved on down the leg.
Shit. He couldn't argue, no matter how much he wanted to. "No," John finally said, a definite pout in his voice and on his face.
"Good," Luka replied, and he turned his head to look at John, his eyes not twinkling with amusement, but dark with desire. "Because I've decided that your bath is now over and it's time to suck you dry."
Sweet Jesus, did Luka mean that literally, John wondered as he grasped the hand being offered to him, getting to his feet in the tub. Water poured from his body, then subsided to mere drips while he stood there, waiting to see what Luka wanted to do next. Now that they were both standing, John had an excellent view of Luka's body, and he definitely appreciated it.
"Get out of the tub," Luka said as he picked up a dry towel, his eyes still watching John.
John stepped over the side of the tub and then faced Luka, the concrete floor cool against the water-warmed skin of his feet. "Okay," John said. "What now?"
"What now?" Luka repeated, his gaze traveling the length of John's body. "What now?" The towel swung through the air, creating a small breeze as Luka twirled it around while he thought. Then it finally stopped as Luka grabbed it by both ends and brought it over John's head so he could use it to pull John toward him.
John smiled as he found himself being forced to step toward Luka, but before their bodies could touch, Luka took a step back, and then another, taking them step by step to the bed.
"Lie down," Luka commanded as the towel dropped to the floor, and John found himself once more obeying the man as he reclined on the thin mattress. He watched as Luka moved around the room, putting out all but one of the candles before returning to the side of the bed to look down at him, a sexy smile on his face. "You are so..." Luka ended the sentence with something that sounded Croatian to John's ears, and he smiled back at Luka.
"You're beautiful, too," John replied while reaching up to cup Luka's scrotum in the palm of his hand. The sac felt heavy, almost too heavy, and John briefly wondered if the sheer weight of his testicles would cause Luka pain while walking around naked. He was tempted to ask, but was pretty sure Luka would either laugh at him or tell him to be quiet, so he didn't. Instead he just let the sac rest there, feeling the heat pouring off of Luka's body. "I think that I'm going to get the bedding wet," John said, although he really didn't care if he soaked the whole damn mattress, but saying something was better than letting the silence reclaim the room.
"Let it. Once I get started with you, you'll need the dampness to cool off your body," Luka replied, his voice hoarse as he continued to gaze down at him.
"Oh, really?" John asked, clearly amused by Luka's sense of self-esteem.
"Really," Luka easily replied, and then he finally sat down on the edge of the bed, one hand running over John's chest. "And I think I'm going to start now with you."
John could feel the heat from Luka's body burning his skin from where that hand came to rest on his chest. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, catching Luka's scent as it mingled with the other smells of the room. This was it. If he let Luka continue, then there would be no turning back, no being what he was just a few days ago. In the past, when confronted with the thought that a man might have feelings of sexual desire for him, John would panic, feel scared. But the panic and fear weren't present with Luka. They never had been.
As a finger lightly flicked over one of his nipples, John sighed, knowing that it was no longer an issue of whether he'd let Luka continue. That decision seemed to be already made. Perhaps it had been made the very moment he was conceived, that everything in John's life and very existence had happened to bring him to that particular moment in a hot and humid room deep in the Congo. All in all, it wasn't a bad fate.
Opening his eyes, John saw that Luka was once more staring at him, and he smiled up at the older man. "Kiss me," John demanded, his voice raspy from the welling desire.
Luka's mouth turned up slightly at the corners. "You're ordering me around now, are you?" But even as he spoke, Luka moved so that his hands rested on either side of John's body and he leaned down, placing a few kisses up John's chest before hovering over his lips.
"Yes," John replied, his hands coming to rest on Luka's face, gently holding the head still for but a moment before he let his body rise from the mattress to bridge the gap between them. Their lips met hotly, greedily, each one striving to be the first to enter the mouth of the other, with John finally backing down and hungrily sucking Luka's tongue into his mouth, tasting tobacco and rice and gravy and Coke there, but above all, tasting Luka there. As the kiss deepened, John moved his hands, letting them roam over Luka's body, sliding along the sweat slickened skin, pulling the man until he had Luka on top of him, their wet bodies easily sliding against one another.
A hand grasped John's penis, holding it tightly against Luka's penis while Luka moved, making their organs rub against one another. "God...Luka..." John gasped as the kiss ended, his mind reeling over the intensity of the feelings within his body.
Luka's dark eyes danced in the candlelit room, and he placed a quick kiss against John's lips before beginning his journey over John's body, kisses leaving a hot trail down John's neck, chest and belly. John sensed that the time for teasing was over as he felt Luka hesitate only briefly when he reached his groin, and then hot lips wrapped around the head of John's penis. John's hands automatically reached out for Luka, his fingers entwining in Luka's hair, resting there as he fought the urge to move Luka's head, fought the urge to move his own hips toward that wonderful mouth, shoving his penis further into that bit of Heaven.
Luka's hands were also busy, caressing and teasing John's body, bringing him toward a release that John knew would be all too soon in happening. He'd been on edge for far too long to be able to delay his own gratification. And so he just let himself feel what Luka was doing to him, letting Luka's fingers burn trails along his skin, his lips and tongue claim his penis. The tension continued to build, layer upon layer until John had no other choice but to bring one hand away from Luka and bite down on the side of it as a scream threatened to rip from his throat. His penis throbbed while his mind saw nothing but a flash of red and then blackness, his being falling into a kaleidoscope of pleasure, the cry of pleasure dampened.
"Are you okay?" Luka asked as he let John's limp penis go and moving his body once more up and on top of John's.
John nodded, then realized his hand was still in his mouth, and he removed it, laughing at himself. "I'm great. That was pretty wonderful." He opened his eyes just as Luka reached for his hand, holding it carefully while examining it.
"You nearly broke the skin," Luka observed.
"A risk worth taking," John replied. "Considering that I didn't want to let the entire hospital know what we were doing."
"Do you always scream?" Luka asked, his tongue lazily moving out to lick over the bite marks John had left behind.
"No," John slowly replied, his gaze fixed on what Luka was doing, soothing away the discomfort and leaving behind a whole new feeling of want and desire. "Usually I just call out something. I've been told I've called out everything from someone's name to 'stat', but I'm not sure about all that."
"Stat?" Luka shook his head, chuckling. "How appropriate. Stay here."
John watched as Luka slowly rose from the bed and walked over to his clothing, then knelt to retrieve something. It was like watching a cat in motion, sleek and feral. When Luka walked back toward him, his erection proudly pointing skyward, John couldn't help but admire it, and the man who sported it.
Luka crawled onto the bed once more, placing a foil packet on the mattress beside John. A condom. So they were really going to do IT. He was going to let Luka do it. And why not? Had the man not already claimed him in spirit? Was it not right to follow through by letting the man claim him in body as well?
And yet, the longer John stared at the condom package, the more uneasy he felt. Had he completely lost his mind? Just a few days ago he was happily ignoring Gillian's flirtations - okay, so he was flirting back, harmlessly. He knew it would never go any further. And all because of Abby, the woman he loved, had proposed to. He had promised her that she could rely on him, that he'd be around, be there for her. And John had given everything into those promises. He'd given all he could for their love.
Their love. What a joke that had turned out to be. His phone call had shown him that the love had only been one-sided, and all on his side. His heart had shattered during his call to Susan where he had learned the truth about Abby. But John wasn't sure that all of that was a decent enough reason to explain how he had ended up coming on to Luka the night before, even if he had been drunk. Or how he had encouraged Luka that morning. Or even now. If his love for Abby had been as full and complete as he had thought, then how could he be looking at Luka as if he cared for the man? John had no idea what more would happen - was this just sex, nothing more than an evening of mutually satisfying sex for the two of them? Or was it something more? Did he WANT it to be anything more? And, perhaps more importantly, did Luka?
John raised his eyes from the foil packet and looked up at Luka, finding concerned eyes looking back at him.
"You don't want to do this, do you?" Luka asked, more than a hint of disappointment in his voice.
"No. I mean, I do want to do this, Luka," John said. He let his eyes move down Luka's body, taking in the wilting erection, and he reached out to lightly tug on Luka's penis before wrapping his hand around it. It seemed large, but John knew that was just a game his mind was playing on him. They were the same size, or close to it. The only true difference in their penises was that he was circumcised while Luka was not.
John gently pulled the foreskin away from the tip, exposing the sensitive head of Luka's penis, glistening with pre-come in the candlelight. "Is this it?" John quietly asked. "Are we just going to...screw...fuck...whatever word you want to use? Or do you want more, Luka?"
Luka sighed and moved so that he was straddling John's thighs, resting there while John's hand continued to keep him aroused. "I don't want it to just be tonight, no," Luka admitted. "But I don't know what you'll accept. Yesterday you were with Abby. Today...I don't know where you are."
"I'm not with Abby," John easily replied, and a pang in his heart reinforced that statement. As much as he had cared for her, loved her, needed her, Abby's actions had seen to it that they couldn't be together. "But," John began again, and he looked up in time to see a look of sadness pass over Luka's face, "I can't deny that I still love her. I have no intention of ever being with her again. I just don't know what will happen once we're back in Chicago. I don't know what will happen if I let you do this, Luka. I want it. I want you. But I do have to admit that it scares me a little because I know that once it's done, I won't be the same." John looked away from Luka, torn between wanting the man and not wanting to disappoint him in the future.
"Carter, look at me," Luka said, but John couldn't bring himself to look into those sad eyes again. However, he lost his say in the matter when a hand took his chin in a firm grip and turned him so that they were once more looking at each other. "Carter...John..." Luka slowly smiled. "John, I learned a long time ago to live my life one day at a time. To not worry about what tomorrow would bring, but to just live whatever day I was given. On one hand, it was a very sensible way to live because I didn't let myself get worried about what might happen or what should happen. But on the other hand, it was a lousy way to live my life, because I found myself always reacting to things and never acting. I'm tired of reacting, John. I want to act. I want to return to the days before the war, to when I had a wife and children and a future with someone I cared for. I've spent months lately searching for something I couldn't name, but since I've been here, I've come to realize that I was searching for that particular someone. At one time I thought it might be Abby, even though we were apart. I was wrong. I don't know if it's you, either. But I do know that I don't want to wait and wake up tomorrow and see if it is, and then go on with my life. I want...John, I want you. And I want you now. And I want you when we're back home in Chicago. I want you for however long that you'll have me. Maybe it will become more and maybe it won't. But I'm not going to just sit back and see if something happens. I'm going to do all I can to help things along."
It was ironic that so much of what Luka was saying was similar to what John had said to Abby - that she needed to quit putting her life on hold and to just live. Well, she apparently had taken his words to heart and was now living it up with Hank, the pedes guy. But Luka seemed to be looking for more than John thought he was capable of giving. At least right then. He gave Luka's penis another squeeze, liking the way it flexed within his hand. "I don't know, Luka. I don't know how long it will take. I don't even know if I could feel the same way. The physical desire is there, I admit that. It would be pretty dishonest of me to say it wasn't there considering the fact that you've seen first hand that I do find you desirable. But the past we have is...rocky, to say the least."
"So we start new. Besides, it wasn't always rocky, was it?"
"No," John said, remembering their past. "It wasn't."
"I can wait for the rest, John. But I don't want to wait on this, on giving you pleasure. Life in general is uncertain, life here is precarious, even for us. We've been given this night, and I want to act on that gift, John. Let me love you tonight and then, no matter what else happens, we'll always have this. I don't want to go."
John gave Luka's penis another squeeze, his mind racing as he considered everything Luka had said. It was insane, it didn't make much sense, either. But it WAS something he also wanted. He started to smile as his hand began to firmly stroke Luka's erection. "Then stay."
Luka's reply to that was to give John a kiss that took his breath away, and then his lips and hands seemed to be everywhere - caressing, teasing, licking, sucking. Luka left the bed one more time for something to use as a lubricant, promising he wouldn't leave the bed again now that he had all he needed there with him. For his part, John let his own hands tease Luka's body, skimming over his skin, touching what he could reach, his mind pushing aside the fact that at some point, Luka's penis would enter him...it wasn't something he feared. Not exactly. The fear wasn't over pain, it was over the idea that once taken by Luka, it would be all John ever wanted, to belong to the man himself. John had thought he had belonged to Abby, and her to him, and he had been wrong about that. John wasn't sure if he could handle developing those feelings for and about Luka just to have his heart broken once again.
And yet, what point was there to life if all you did was exist?
It was that thought, and the idea that he wanted to keep doing more than existing, that spurred John on, letting him move as directed by Luka, holding his own legs up and out of the way so that Luka could place kisses along the insides of his thighs. John didn't even try to stop the moaning that those kisses created inside of him, or the cry of surprise when Luka's tongue circled around his anus, snaking inward every now and then, gently opening him while giving him the most intimate kiss anyone could ever experience. Pleasure arced through John's body, turning every nerve ending into an erogeonous zone, and still Luka continued.
"Luka...God...yeah...don't stop..." John heard his voice softly pleading for the pleasure to continue. In all of his relationships, he'd never had the unique pleasure of being the one made love to, instead he'd always been the love maker, or else things had been a joint effort. He had to admit that he could very easily get used to having someone make love to him, and him alone.
"It's only going to get better," Luka paused long enough to say, his voice hoarse from the desire he felt.
John's head tossed from side to side on the mattress as Luka proved the truth of his words, alternating his tongue with first one finger, and then two. Fingers that slowly slid inside and unerringly went to John's prostate, massaging it until John felt he could no longer think coherently - all he knew was the pleasure being generated in his bottom by Luka.
And John knew the ache of loss and emptiness when those fingers and that tongue were pulled away from him. Whimpering, he raised his head to look at Luka, a fear that he had misjudged the man beginning - that this had all been some elaborate prank or pay-back scheme of Luka's. But no, Luka had apparently stopped so he could roll the condom down his penis. And John could have sworn that Luka's penis had increased in size since he had last touched it.
Luka looked up, and the hunger in his eyes quickly changed to a look of concern as their eyes met. "I'll be careful. It will burn a bit at first, but then the pleasure will erase the memory of the pain, I promise you."
John nodded, toyed with the idea of keeping his head raised so that he could watch Luka enter him, then discarded it - he didn't want to watch that. Not yet, anyway. He let his head fall back to the mattress, his body tense as he waited for Luka's penis to breech him.
"Relax," Luka's voice soothed, his fingers, now slick with something besides his own saliva caressing John's sphincter muscles, slipping back inside with ease. "You must relax for me," Luka said again, his voice a bit more commanding.
John took a deep breath and held it, willing his body to obey Luka's order. Relax, he told himself. Easy enough to do, right? Just relax while some man you've had an antagonistic relationship with for years is trying to shove a ten foot wide pole up your butt. Sure, no problem. Easy as pie. Just relax..."Jesus!" John cried out as something bigger than Luka's finger eased into his opening, leaving behind a stinging sensation. Relax, relax, relax. Oh, fuck...how could he relax with Luka inside of him? He was too big...simply too big...in his mind's eye, John could see his own body tearing as Luka ripped into him.
"That's it, just stay relaxed," Luka's voice coaxed through John's thoughts. "Just lie still for a moment or two, let your body get used to me." Luka's fingers were back there, too, but not also entering him, John noted that with more than a bit of relief. But they were massaging the area and then Luka's other hand was on John's chest, seeking out a tight nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger and making John gasp with pleasure. "You like that, don't you? Having your nipples messed with?"
John nodded and looked up at Luka's face. "It feels good."
Luka grinned. "Not as good as this will." He bent forward, his lips capturing the other nipple, his teeth scraping against it and John felt a slight filling below as Luka moved. It was a slow filling, but one that John could handle. The burning sensation was well past, but there was not yet any pleasure, not like what Luka's fingers had given him. John was about to give up on the idea that he'd possibly be bisexual since this wasn't really doing anything for him and then his eyes flew open and he sucked in air as a rush of pleasure unlike anything he'd ever known hit him hard, and then Luka was slamming fully into him, his ball sac slapping against John's butt cheeks.
And Luka stayed right there, immobile except for what his lips, teeth and fingers were doing to John's nipples, but the pressure alone was exquisite, making John want more. He wiggled his hips, trying to get something to happen - movement, more of Luka inside of him, anything.
Luka raised his head and smiled at John, then quickly kissed his lips before raising his body. "I see you're ready for more."
"God, yes," John agreed, his hips once again moving, bucking upward toward Luka. "Please?"
"With pleasure, John," Luka replied, and he braced his hands on the back of John's thighs, his own hips moving backward, taking away the fullness until John felt like screaming at him to put it back, and then thrusting inward quickly, the sharp pleasure making John cry out as he tried to get his own body to move in sync with Luka's. And soon they were moving that way, their bodies meeting in pleasure over and over again. Even though John didn't get hard again, his body was still on fire with desire and lust for the man inside of him, and he wanted it to last all night.
Luka's body, though, was just as much a victim of their anticipation as John's had been. Perhaps more so since he had been hard for a longer time. His thrusting increased to a wild pace, his hips bucking, his penis seeming to have no trouble at all moving within John's body. And then his head was flung back and a low whimper came from Luka's mouth as his hips shoved forward as far as they could go, his entire body trembling as his hands tightly clenched John's thighs. John could tell by the look on Luka's face that the man was coming, making them one with his penis buried as deeply as possible within. If only they could stay that way forever, John mused, sighing at the memory of the pleasure Luka had given him.
With a sigh, Luka slowly pulled out, making sure the condom remained in place and leaving John feeling empty, though sated. Luka pulled the condom off, knotted it and dropped it to the floor before draping his body over John's so he could tenderly kiss him. It was a kiss that John returned wholeheartedly, as he eased his legs down on either side of Luka's body, his muscles complaining from the position they'd been held in for that time. But it had been worth it.
"There will have to be more times," Luka said, a smile on his face and in his voice as he rested his head on John's chest.
"I agree," John said, his fingers moving through Luka's hair, separating the sweat soaked strands. "It was fantastic, Luka."
"Thank you, but it wasn't quite what I had planned. I wanted to last long enough to make you come again, to leave you fully and completely sated." Luka's fingers were drawing patterns along John's side, and the man's breath tickled John's chest, but he wasn't going to complain. It felt nice to have Luka there, relaxed and comfortable with him.
"I am sated, you made sure of that. But, we can do it again later," John agreed, a smile already on his face at that thought.
Luka's laugh rumbled through John's chest. "I wish we could, but you will be too sore for us to do this any more tonight, or tomorrow morning."
"Tomorrow night, then."
"Yes, tomorrow night." Luka moved so that he could look directly at John. "Thank you."
John looked back at Luka, then grinned. "You're welcome. And thank you, too."
Luka grinned back. "You're welcome. And now I suppose we should put out that candle and get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow the power will be restored and we won't need to use the generator."
"Maybe. But I think I'll miss the candlelight," John said as he watched Luka get up to do just as he said, and then make his way back to the bed in the semi-darkness. The candlelight had made things seem to be not so...real.
"Not me," Luka said as he crawled back into the bed, stretching out alongside John. "We had too many nights and days when that was all we had at home." He moved until he was curled up beside John, his head resting on John's chest. "It was a busy day, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, it was," John agreed as he rearranged his arm around Luka's body and pulled the man even closer. Soon he was listening to Luka's even breathing, and John yawned, then let his eyes close, his last wakeful thought being that he had been right about his fear. He did want to belong to the man beside him. He just didn't know if the man beside him really wanted him.
To be continued