Chasing Shadows, Part 2
By Melissa and Cathy
As he headed outside with John, Mulder impulsively decided that this would be one night when he wouldn't be taking his pick-up back to his room. He didn't want any part of his time with John to be connected to his job. He mentally went over a list of nice hotels and came up with one that he had liked staying at in the past. So, he decided to head there. Once in the car, Mulder took the opportunity to find out a little bit more about John.
"So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a doctor. What about you?"
"A doctor?" Shit, the guy couldn't be old enough to be a doctor. "How old are you?"
John groaned. "I get so tired of being asked that. Do you know how often I get told that I don't look old enough to be a doctor?"
"No, but I'm guessing it's a lot."
"You're guessing right."
"So?"
"So what?"
"How old are you?"
"Twenty nine."
"That old, huh?"
"That old. How old are you?"
"Thirty-eight as of this year."
"You never told me what you do for a living."
So, he had noticed. Mulder chalked one up for the doc. "Sorry. I'm in law enforcement."
"Really? You're a cop?"
"FBI agent. I'm here on a special case."
"Where are you from?"
"Originally or recently?"
John paused a moment to consider his answer. "Originally."
"Massachusetts. What about you?"
"Chicago."
"A native son, huh? Have you ever lived anywhere else?"
John laughed. "Yeah. I have. Where do you live now?"
"The D.C. area."
"Inside the Beltway?"
"Yeah. I have an apartment in Alexandria."
"Alexandria's all right, but I prefer D.C. itself. I like being in the middle of things."
"It's a busy city, that's for sure." Mulder pulled into the valet parking lane of one of Chicago's nicer hotels. "We're here. Any second thoughts?"
John slowly shook his head, but Mulder noticed that John's hand was shaking as he reached for the door handle. He leaned over and gently grasped John's chin in his hand, then turned his head until they were eye to eye once more.
"I'm not going to hurt you, John. There's no reason for you to be scared."
"I...I've never done this kind of thing before. Tonight was the first time I've ever been in a gay bar."
Mulder smiled gently. "I'll go slowly, okay?"
John nodded, very much aware of the warmth of Mulder's fingers upon his skin. So very much aware of how much he liked the way they felt and the fact that he wanted to feel Mulder touching other parts of his body.
"Let's go inside, shall we?" Mulder asked, letting him go.
They got out of the car and Mulder handed the keys to one of the valets. John followed Mulder inside, slightly surprised to see that Mulder was headed for the registration desk and not to the elevators. He waited while Mulder checked into the hotel, and he knew his smile was a nervous one when Mulder shortly returned to him with a key card in his hand.
"Room 812. Non-smoking all right for you?" Mulder asked.
John nodded. "It's fine. I can help pay for the room." John wasn't sure what to make of the fact that Mulder had rented a special room for them to...to do what it was they were going to do. Was this a normal pick-up procedure or did it have another meaning? Was there some way he could discreetly ask Yosh about things like this? John didn't think he knew any other gay men.
"I can assure you that I have more than enough money to cover the room, John. I may be a Fed, but my family has done well over the years." Mulder replied as they stepped into the elevator.
"I can identify with that," John muttered.
"Hmm?"
"Nothing."
They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they got out on the eighth floor, John was relieved to see that they were alone in the hallway. He suddenly felt very self-conscious about what he was about to do and he waited nervously while Mulder unlocked the door. Switching on the light, Mulder announced, "It's not the Palmer House, but it will do."
The room wasn't bad at all, John thought. A King sized bed dominated the spacious room. John had been in plenty of hotel rooms in his life and the familiarity of this one helped him feel a little more calm. Still, despite the luxuriousness of the room, John knew that this door was a walk in closet and the other door opened into the bathroom. Probably a marble sink and sunken tub. Soft cotton towels. A mini bar anchored one corner of the room and the sliding glass doors led out onto a balcony with an impressive view of the city.
Mulder locked the door, then silently cursed himself for not bringing anything with him. But, then again, his original intention had been to pick up a guy and take him back to the hotel. He would need to go downstairs to see if there was a nearby store. And yet, he didn't want to just rush out right now. He could still sense John's nervousness and he didn't think that leaving him behind to go shopping would lessen that. Hell, he would probably get back to the room and find John gone. He supposed that they would have to go together. He wasn't going to risk losing out on the chance to be with John.
"I hadn't planned on coming here, so I don't have anything."
"That's okay. You can call down to the front desk for things like that. Provided there isn't anything in the bathroom," John said.
"Call downstairs for condoms and lube? I doubt if they'd send that up here."
John grinned. "You'd be surprised what they would do. It says right here on your receipt that if you left anything at home or need anything extra, that all you have to do is call down to the desk."
Mulder was often bold, but the idea of calling down to the desk clerk for those items didn't sit right with him. "I'll check the bathroom first." Much to his surprise, he did find condoms in a drawer in the vanity. And lubrication as well. Also massage oil and bubble bath for the large whirlpool tub. Just the thought of taking John Carter in that tub made him hard and he hurried back into the bedroom to make sure that John hadn't quietly left.
John was outside on the balcony, looking out over the city. Mulder stepped up behind him and began to nibble on the back of his neck.
"I guess you found what you were looking for?" John asked as he leaned back against Mulder's chest, feeling surprised by how natural that felt.
"And then some. There's a whirlpool tub in there and I was thinking we should try that out tonight." As the words left Mulder's lips, he could feel John's body tense and he knew that the nervousness was back. Mulder needed to find a way to get John to relax and he finally decided that the whirlpool would definitely be good for that. But, not for sex. First they would just enjoy the warm water. "Come on."
John didn't resist as Mulder took him by the hand and led him back inside, going directly for the bathroom. So, it was time, he thought. Time to find out if he could really do this. Time to find out if he really wanted to do this. Hell, if he listened to his body, then it was obvious that he wanted to do this. He was excited about the thought of being with Mulder. But, he was also a little scared about it, too. John leaned against the marble sink as Mulder closed the door, then sat on the edge of the tub to start the water. As the tub was filling, he walked back over to John, pulling him close and molding their bodies together. He could feel John's erection through his pants and knew that John couldn't miss the one he was sporting. He clasped the back of his neck, holding him steady as their lips met. As he felt John's tension begin to fade, Mulder began to wonder if John's comment about never doing this before was referring to getting picked up in a bar or having sex with a man? He was about to guess the latter because John just wasn't getting into the kiss at all. Then, he felt the slightest movement of John's lips and they parted for him.
John felt Mulder's tongue slip into his mouth and slide over his teeth. A tingle went down his body as Mulder explored his mouth and the back of his neck was on fire where Mulder was touching him. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Mulder's waist, holding onto him even as he felt Mulder's other hand, which had been around his waist, drift lower until it was cupping his ass. Yes, he shouted in his mind, this was what he wanted. He pushed his erection into Mulder's, wishing their clothing wasn't in the way. Mulder must have been wishing the same thing because John was pushed back against the cold tile of the wall, then Mulder's hands disappeared from his ass and neck. Mulder used his lips to hold him in place while his hands pulled his shirt from his waistband and began to unbutton his shirt. He gasped as he felt Mulder's hands on his skin and Mulder took the break in their kissing to lower his mouth to nuzzle John's neck.
"Oh, God, don't stop," John moaned.
"Never," Mulder vowed as he licked his way up John's neck and then began to suck on his ear lobe. He liked the way John squirmed under his touch and he wanted to feel John's skin against his own. He quickly shed his own shirt, then pressed his chest against John's, reveling in the skin to skin contact.
"Shouldn't...we...get...into the tub?" John managed to ask.
"Be patient," Mulder murmured, but then he realized that John had a point. He stepped back and kicked off his shoes, then undid his pants, knowing that John was watching him undress. "Your turn," he grinned as his pants joined his shirt on the floor.
John slipped his shoes off, then removed his socks. He kept his eyes on Mulder as he undid his belt, then undid the button on his waistband before lowering the zipper and his pants. John was wondering which one of them would be totally stripped first when Mulder dropped to his knees in front of him and quickly pulled his boxers down. John stepped out of them and looked down to see that Mulder was staring at his hard penis, his eyes almost glassy as he gazed upon his body.
"You really do want me, don't you?" Mulder asked as he gingerly reached out to stroke John's hardness. He wasn't prepared for the reaction he got as John jerked away from his touch, then stepped away from him, his breath rapid and his face paler, as if that was possible.
Mulder got to his feet and approached John from behind. He tenderly grasped his shoulders, kneading them as he waited for John's breathing to return to normal.
"I'm sorry," John muttered.
"Don't worry about it. Are you okay?"
John nodded and Mulder turned him around. He wanted to gather John to him, hold him close and chase away the fear he could still see in those dark eyes. But, he didn't think that was what John needed right now, so he kept him at arms length. It was obvious to him now that John had never been with a man before. Damn. He was going to be his first. That made things so different. You couldn't go immediately for the sex with a virgin. A virgin had to be seduced, even if he had initiated the encounter by going to a gay bar.
"Stay here," he ordered, then he went back to the tub and poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the water. It was high enough for them to get in, even if it wasn't to the level where he could turn on the whirlpool jets.
"I think we can get in now," Mulder said as he took the first step into the hot water. He got comfortable in the tub, then looked expectantly at John, who quickly joined him in the water.
"This is nice," Mulder said.
"Yeah," John nodded.
They sat there for a few more minutes, neither one saying anything. When the water finally passed the jets, Mulder tried to turn on the whirlpool. The expected button didn't work -- it turned on a showerhead -- and Mulder continued to press all the buttons. Finally, one of them worked, but the expected surge of water as the whirlpool started was matched by a surge of panic. The bubbles were multiplying far too quickly for Mulder's liking. They neared the top of the tub as Mulder's button pressing grew more frantic.
"Problem?" John asked, a hint of barely restrained laughter in his voice. He watched Mulder for another few moments, then pressed the correct button, cutting off the water jets. "Was that what you were looking for?"
"You son of a bitch." Mulder shook his head, smiling. "You got a kick out of that, didn't you?"
"Yeah...I admit it. I was enjoying it."
Mulder leaned back and groaned. "This is *so* not what I had planned. It's not supposed to happen like this."
"What is supposed to happen? Show me."
Mulder moved closer to John, putting one arm around his shoulders and using his free hand to gently stroke John's skin.
John sighed as he relaxed into Mulder's touch. This felt so good. He laid his head back against Mulder's arm and looked up at the ceiling. He grinned, thinking that it was a shame that the hotel could charge so much money but not have the money to spend on removing what appeared to be a cork in embedded in the ceiling. A champagne cork to be exact, he silently amended. Then it hit him that he had seen that particular cork before. Hell, he was the one responsible for it being there. He had been in this room, in this tub, with Harper Tracy, celebrating the fact he had matched with County General for his internship. He had impulsively asked her out for lunch and they ended up here, having sex in the tub. He only left the tub once during that long lunch, and that was to answer the door when room service brought up the champagne he had ordered. Excited about staying at County and wanting to show off, John had given the bottle a good shake before opening it. He barely pushed on the cork and it shot upward, lodging in the ceiling. He did try to get it down, but Harper had other ideas about how they were to spend the rest of their lunch break. Yeah, that had been some day. He had almost lost his match because of that lunch, but Doctor Hicks had taken pity on him or something, and he had kept his spot.
And now here he was again, at another important milestone in his life. Dear God, what direction was his life taking? Had it been all that long ago when he was crazy about her? Wanting to spend every waking minute with Harper and even sneaking around the hospital to find secluded places where they could make out. He had enjoyed every second of that. Enjoyed her body. And yet, here he was in the same whirlpool with a man. A man he didn't know. For all that Mulder had seemed so open and up front with him, he could be lying about everything. His job, his name. All of it. And yet, John didn't really believe that to be the case. He trusted Fox Mulder. The element of trust, somehow, had always been missing with Harper. She'd betrayed him even before their relationship got off the ground. If they'd admitted it to themselves, they'd have realized it was doomed from the start. Sexual attraction alone had gotten them through the months they'd spent together. Powerful as that had been, it was matched by the attraction John felt for the man he was with tonight.
Mulder was watching John's face and eyes and he saw that John was doing far too much thinking and obviously not about good things.
"Hey? You all right?"
John nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Just thinking about how I panicked earlier. Sorry about that."
"Don't be. I just wished I'd realized it was your first time with a man. I'd have taken things a bit slower."
"No, you wouldn't have."
"Okay, no...I wouldn't have. But I would have tried."
"It isn't my first time," John rushed to say, turning serious. "Well, it is for some things. But, not for everything. I...I've had oral sex with a man before. It's been a long time though. And look...I might as well be honest...it wasn't consensual." He sighed, relieved at admitting what was bothering him, and a little apprehensive about Mulder's reaction.
"So that was why you were a little uneasy earlier."
"A little? That's an understatement."
Mulder was silent for a few moments. "I suppose you've talked this through with someone...a therapist? Look...I don't know what happened, obviously, but if it was non-consensual, you didn't choose to have that happen to you, and you shouldn't feel *any* guilt about it. But if you're still feeling some...confusion, then you should think it through some more. I wouldn't want...this", he indicated the tub with a wave of his hand, "to be something you don't want. Sometimes impulsive decisions are good, but sometimes not."
"Maybe it was impulsive to come here, but I have given other things a lot of thought lately, and yeah, I've talked to a therapist. It's true that this is the first time I've chosen to be with a guy, but...I think it's the right choice. I think you're the right choice. I want you, Mulder. Really. I'm just not sure I can do everything. Will you be okay with that?"
"Yeah, I'll be okay with that. If you're sure...we'll just take it slow. So what *don't* you want to do?"
"Oral sex. I don't think I can do that."
Well, there went half the fun, Mulder mused. But, to be honest, he hadn't asked John what he would and wouldn't do with him. He just asked him if he wanted to come back to his hotel room to have sex, and he did. They never talked about just what that sex would entail.
"That's all right, John. I don't need to have that in order to enjoy myself. And I don't want you to think about any of that right now. Just let the water relax you."
John grinned. "It's hard to relax when you keep touching me like that."
Mulder grinned as well, as much from John's choice of words as from the fact that he was having an erotic effect on him. "Get on my lap."
John's eyebrows raised at that suggestion, but he did as asked, straddling Mulder's legs and feeling a tremor run through his body as their bodies touched in a most intimate way.
Mulder cradled the back of John's neck with one hand and pulled him down to kiss him, gently exploring his mouth with his tongue while his other hand continued to explore John's body. By the way that John was clutching his shoulders, Mulder knew that he was succeeding with the seduction. All he needed was a little more patience and then things could proceed to the bed. Or not, as the case might be.
Mulder broke off the kiss and told John to turn around. Again, John did as instructed and Mulder slowly pulled him back against his chest, molding their bodies together and knowing that John couldn't miss the feel of his penis against his backside. Mulder was all too aware of where his penis was touching, but, he concentrated on putting John at ease and he let his hands roam over John's body, barely skimming his skin at times and firmly caressing him at others.
"Is this okay, baby?" he huskily asked.
John turned to look at him, amused. "'Baby'?"
Mulder sighed slightly, embarrassed. "Give me a break here...I'm trying to seduce you, you know. Calling a guy "baby" isn't the norm for me."
John laughed out loud, the last of his tension easing. "Mulder, look at us. I'm sitting on your lap in a bubble bath in a hotel room. I don't think seduction is necessary."
Mulder laughed, "You do have a point there. I just wanted to make sure that you were comfortable with what's going to happen. To be honest, John, I went to that bar tonight for the sole intention of finding someone to have sex with. I was just about to leave the place when I saw you. There weren't any other men there who interested me, and I really want to spend tonight with you."
"Really? I was going to leave once I finished my beer and for the same reason you said. No one interested me. I didn't go there for sex though. I went there to see if I found someone I desired. I finally did."
Mulder couldn't keep himself from grinning as he heard that. "I guess it was meant for us to be in that bar at the same time, huh?"
"Yeah," John replied.
While he liked the way John's hard penis felt in his hand, Mulder wanted to do more than just hold him in his hand. "I think we should get out of the tub."
"Tell me what we're going to do after that," John said, trying his best to not sound as nervous as he felt.
Mulder gently caressed John's hips as he heard the anxiety in his voice. " I want to get you ready for me, John. Very ready for me. I want you to enjoy your first time so much that you'll think of me every time you have sex with another man."
"Think you're that good, hmm?" John asked as he got to his feet.
Mulder chuckled, glad to hear from John's tone of voice that he wasn't as anxious as he had been a moment earlier. "You can let me know later, okay?"
"Okay." John nodded again.
They quickly dried off, each one wanting to still be touching the other's body. But, John wasn't sure if Mulder would want to be dried off and Mulder didn't want to make John anxious again. Once dry, they went into the bedroom and Mulder turned down the covers. As he indicated that John should get on the bed, John saw a bottle of massage oil in Mulder's hand. And condoms in the other. "On your stomach, okay? I want to give you a back rub."
John nodded his consent, then got into the bed and stretched out on his stomach. He couldn't keep from tensing as he felt Mulder straddle his hips. He could feel the man's balls against the rounded top of his buttocks. Then he felt Mulder's hands on his shoulders as they began to slowly massage his tight muscles. Mulder's fingers and the palms of his hands were hot, but they felt good against John's skin. He sighed and burrowed his head into the pillow as the tension left his body, thinking that this felt very right indeed.