Author/pseudonym: MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Email address: monaCK2@yahoo.com and huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Finished. Well, mostly finished. Just the ending left to write.
Pairing: John Carter/Dave Malucci
Date: April 7, 2004
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 50/?
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. The title of the story was inspired by the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name, and no infringement is intended. The story can be found on the following web sites: http://www.heresmona.com/fanfic.html
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Boutique/7087/, and
http://www.errealmofslash.com
Summary: It's a slashy A/U story about how Season 8 might have been and contains no spoilers for the current season.
"Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, Part 50"
By MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
"Lunch is served," Jack announced from the doorway as he walked through it, a loaded tray in his hands. He set it down on Dave's side of the bed. "Dr. DiLeo's ready for you, Dave."
John looked up at Dave and gave him a small smile. "I'll see you in a bit, right?"
Dave smiled over towards John, and nodded. "Yeah...yeah, you better believe you'll see me in a bit. As soon as I'm done with Dr. DiLeo, I'll come right back up here, okay?" Dave wanted to give John a small kiss, but he didn't want to embarrass the man in front of his father. So instead, he settled for squeezing John's hand before heading out the door to talk to the doctor.
Dave could see Dr. DiLeo sitting on the couch in the living room, and with a bit of fear in his heart, he approached him, wondering exactly what he was in store for. "Dr. DiLeo?"
Dr. DiLeo looked up at Dave and smiled. "There's really no need to be that formal, unless you're comfortable with me calling you Dr. Malucci?" He said as he got to his feet and extended his hand for a greeting. "You can just call me Jeff."
Dave nodded. "Yeah, I'm not too comfortable with the whole Dr. Malucci thing either. I always preferred to be called Dr. Dave myself...but yeah, Dave is fine, Jeff." Dave sat down next to Jeff on the couch, and leaned back, trying not to think about what Jeff was going to ask of him. "So...uh...I suppose ya wanna know what happened last night..."
Jeff nodded. "I do, but I think we can talk about that after we eat. Unless you'd prefer to talk about it first? I'm comfortable either way. We can even talk while we eat, although that makes it a bit tougher for me to take notes. But, I can adapt." He shrugged and looked over at Dave, waiting for his answer.
Dave nodded. "Why don't we eat? I...uh...dont' want ya to lose your appetite or nothin' over what I haveta say. It...was a really long night..." Dave stood, suddenly feeling very much like he was hosting a guest. "Which kinda sandwich do ya want? How 'bout a drink? I know we have some soda, might have some other stuff too, if that's not your speed." Dave began to walk towards the kitchen as he listened for what Jeff wanted.
Jeff got to his feet and followed Dave into the kitchen. "How about if I pour the sodas while you get the sandwiches? I'd like a turkey, chips on the side, cookies. What kind of soda would you like? Mr. Carter and I brought over Coke and Sprite." Jeff opened the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of Coke.
"A Coke's cool with me," Dave found himself saying, as he reached for a second turkey sandwich. "Why don't we eat in here? It'll be easier than eatin' on the couch, anyway..."
"That's fine," Jeff said as he poured Coke for each of them. "Dave, you should understand that I specialize in treating people who suffer from PTSD, many of whom who have that as a result of some pretty traumatic abuse. There's not much you can say to me that will make me lose my appetite, okay?" He brought the glasses over to the table, and then sat down.
"I am curious though, about how you and John ended up together. Yesterday he mentioned that the two of you had been a couple, broke up, got back together, then he thought you broke up again and were now back together. How did the two of you meet?"
Dave held the cool glass of soda between his fingers, trying to figure out how to best answer the doctor's question. "Well, I guess we met about 2 1/2 years ago. We were both residents at County. I was a junior resident, and John a senior resident. We...we were really just friends...well, not even friends really. Didn't do much more than say 'hi' in the hallways. We didn't hang together or anything. And then one night...I guess it was almost a year ago, the two of us went out for drinks. I...drank more than I shoulda, and so did John, and, well...we woke up in bed together. For a long time we tried t'deny what was goin' on...but then it was a fruitless effort..."
Dave took a deep breath, taking a moment to sip his soda before continuing. "We broke up that first time over a stupid fight. We didn't talk for almost a month, and then we got back together right before I left for California..." Dave lifted his eyes to look at Jeff. "Am I confusing ya yet?"
Jeff laughed. "Not quite. You're leaving out a lot of details, but I can pick those up later. Why did you leave for California?" He asked, and then took a bite of his sandwich.
"I guess I was runnin' away...but I didn't wanna see it at the time. I thought I was goin' for better opportunities, but all I did was manage to really hurt John in the process. I...I didn't' think I had a chance for a career here. I was fired from County for a fuck-up on a case where I diagnosed someone as being a drug user when he actually was suffering from Marfans...and the Chief Resident and I sorta killed that patient...that...with some other stuff, was enough for County to give me my walkin' papers. I didn't think that I had a chance of actually havin' a life here. I asked John to come with me, I really didn't wanna be without him, but he refused. John was right. I never shoulda left him..." While Dave was talking, he continued to keep his hands on his soda glass, watching as the condensation from the cold liquid formed on the outside of the glass. He wasn't sure how much he was going to say, but he was finding Jeff rather easy to talk to.
"Why wouldn't John go with you? If the two of you were in love, then I would think he'd want to stay with you, no matter where you went," Jeff commented.
"He'd been named Chief Resident after the other one quit...and also, he didn't wanna be far from his grandmother. That's understandable. I...I guess I never could see past the fact that John didn't seem to wanna be with me...selfish, huh?" Dave offered Jeff a wry grin as he moved his fingers from the glass to his sandwich. Taking an opportunity of silence, he took a quick bite, and then washed it down with a sip of soda.
Jeff shrugged. "We're all entitled to be selfish every now and then, Dave. Some people would say that John was the one being selfish, or even immature for not wanting to leave his grandmother. Okay, you parted, on bad terms, obviously. How did the two of you get back together? You obviously came back from California, did that have something to do with the two of you reuniting?"
Dave nodded. "Well, we sorta met on a cruise ship. After I moved out to California, I spread my CV around, and pretty soon got a hit with this cruise line. I knew it was gay weeks, I mean, it was a two week cruise, with a few days layover in Hawaii. And, it so happened that John was on that cruise...travellin' with some friends of his. I...well, we sorta spent the entire two weeks together...and I guess you can say we were reunited after that. We had made plans that I was gonna move back to Chicago after my stint on the cruise was over, but I was canned after the cruise because of spendin' too much time doctorin' one patient in particular...if ya know what I mean." Dave offered the doctor a small grin before he continued. "I...I didn't tell John. I decided that I was jus' gonna move back, and surprise John when I found a new job. But, things don't always work out like ya plan, I guess..."
"Didn't you say something yesterday about John having a breakdown of sorts when you were together? I'm guessing you meant on the cruise, right?" Jeff asked, wishing he would have taken notes AND had a tape recorder running the day before.
Dave nodded. "Yeah. I...I mean...I guess that was his first breakdown, at least the first one that I saw. We had talked about Jenny before. I mean, he and I had talked about the maid...and I thought there was somethin'...odd goin' on, but, John kept' sayin' it was normal. I mean, I suspected...and then my suspicions were confirmed when he had the breakdown on the ship. It...it was my fault that happened, too. I mean, Luka...Luka wanted me to let John go...and I stupidly listened to him, thinkin' it would be better for John or some such nonsense. It...it wasn't pretty when I left, and then, Randi...Randi is one of the friends John was travellin' with, came and got me and said that John was havin' a breakdown. When I got back to the stateroom...I found him completely messed up...accusin' both Luka and I of only wantin' to have sex with him...beggin' us not to..." Dave shook his head, the memories overwhelming him. "I...it was my fault he broke down...if I hadn't tried to leave..."
"No." Jeff firmly said as he sat up straighter in his chair. "Don't fall into that trap, Dave. This has been building up within John for a long time and was bound to come out at any time. You can't take the blame on yourself because you aren't the one who caused the trauma in the first place," he stated. "I know that last night...whatever happened then, it must have scared you. But I knew John would break down again, it was just a matter of when. I should have warned you and his parents, but I really didn't think it would happen so soon. John's very good at...bouncing back, or at least with making people think that he's bounced back, and I bought into that. I'm sorry. I'm going to apologize to him, too. I should have written out prescriptions for him yesterday, and I didn't. Once we get him on meds, his moods will be more even and it will be easier for him to handle the memories when they surface."
"Do...do you think that him bein' on meds will...will that help stop stuff like last night from happenin' again? How do I deal with it if it does? I..." Dave shook his head, diverting his eyes down towards his plate. "I gotta be honest with ya, Jeff. I don't know if I can handle stayin' calm again in a situation like last night..."
"Sleeping pills should help keep the occurrence of nightmares low. They won't prevent them, but they'll help. Now, if what happened last night wasn't a nightmare..." Jeff shrugged. "I really can't say, Dave. Sorry. Are you ready to tell me about what happened last night? We don't have to talk about it yet if you don't feel up to right now." Jeff looked down at his now empty plate,and then over at Dave's partially filled one. "I'm done here, anyway, but if you'd rather eat than talk, then I can wait."
Dave shook his head, pushing his plate away. "Nah, I'm alright. I don't think I can eat now anyway," he said, as he cast his eyes downward once again. "He woke up after havin' a nightmare. And he wanted t'have sex. I...I pushed him away. I didn't think it was a good idea in light of everythin' that was goin' on, I didn't wanna make it that every time there was a problem, it would be solved with a little action...ya know what I mean? But, then...then things got weird. I pushed him to talk to me about the nightmare, and he not only told me...but acted it out. He...he tried to force himself on me...he actually put these bruises on me," Dave said, indicating the marks on his shoulders. "I...my ol' man usedta...usedta push me around, ya know? And, I guess John doin' it to me...hit me a little too close to home..." Dave shook his head again, trying to keep his emotions at bay while he talked. "Once...once he finally, I guess woke up, and realized what he had done, John tried to push himself away from me. I...I tried to convince him to stay, that we could work anythin' out...and I thought we had it settled when I fell asleep. But, when I woke up this mornin', he was gone."
Jeff nodded. "That must have been scary for you, both last night and then finding John gone this morning. Did you think he had run off or were you afraid he had gone somewhere to hurt or kill himself?"
"Yeah...yeah, I did. I...I didn't think he was very stable last night. He kept tellin' me that the didn't wanna hurt me again, that...he couldn't deal with it if he hurt me...and when...when I didn't find him in the house this mornin', I opened the door to find Abby runnin' up to tell me they...her and Luka...had found John by the lake. I drove over there, and when I was tryin' to convince him to come back here...he tried to make a break for it...tried to into the water. I...when we finally restrained him, I noticed that his sweatpants were wet. I...I dunno...he...he seems alright now, but he also knows that...that we haveta work through this. He wanted me to talk to you first, knowin' that I would likely be able to tell you more than him..."
Jeff shook his head. "No. John wanted you to talk to me first because he doesn't want to tell me anything about what happened. It's something I've seen before, especially with patients who keep trying to convince everyone around them that they're doing fine. The truth is that they're trying to convince themselves of that. Were you working with John when he was stabbed? Mr. Carter only said that it had happened, he didn't tell me when."
Dave nodded. "I wasn't really close to him then, though. It was Valentines Day, 2000. I'll never forget that day. We...worked...his...his med student was killed. John was badly injured..." Dave found himself playing with the napkin next to his plate while he talked. His appetite had completely diminished.
"Millicent said that in her opinion, John went back to work too soon, that he was still having trouble walking, did you get that impression? That he hadn't taken enough time off, I mean."
Dave shrugged. "I dunno," he said, looking at Jeff dubiously. "To be perfectly honest, I really wasn't close to him. I mean, he never said a word, and he seemed better than ever. He was using crutches when he first got back, but then didn't seem to need them any more. I dunno if his back hurt or not, because he never really said anything. We should have noticed...shoulda paid more attention..." Dave didn't know if Jeff knew about the whole drug addiction thing, and he wasn't going to introduce the subject. Not right then, anyway.
Jeff nodded. "I guess that when you were growing up, you never had a chance to fight back against your father when he hurt you, did you? It must have been awkward last night, to be a full grown adult and still not able to fight back when you were being hurt, especially when it was someone you loved hurting you." He had pulled out his notebook after he'd finished his sandwich, had been busy jotting down a few notes as they'd talked since then.
Dave felt his body tensing up as Jeff spoke, but he forced himself to relax, knowing that this was all for the best in regards to helping John. Still, Dave wasn't sure how comfortable he felt talking about his own upbringing. "Yeah, yeah...you might say that," Dave said, trying to keep his voice and emotions calm. "I...I couldn't fight back because I didn't wanna hurt John..."
"And you couldn't fight back before because you didn't want to hurt your father, either, am I right?"
"Look," Dave said, finally bringing his eyes up to meet Jeff's. "Not for nothin'...but I'd really rather not talk about this right now. What...what happened between me and my old man is in the past, this...this is supposed to be about how to help John, not me." Even though he knew that his reaction to what John had done was based on remembering his own past, Dave didn't see how this was relevant at all to what John was going through, and all it was succeeding in doing was getting him upset all over again.
"Okay, we won't talk about it right now. But if you're truly serious about helping John, then I would think you'd be willing to do all you could. Let's go back to last night. You said that after John woke up from the nightmare, he wanted to have sex. Is this a usual thing for him when he's upset in any way? Does he seem to use sex as a way to calm himself, or other people?"
Dave was silent for a moment, the first part of Jeff's statement playing in his head. "What...what didja mean that I'd be willin' to do all I could? Of course I am...I...I jus' don't understand how talkin' about what happened between me and my ol' man havin' has any relevance whatsoever," he said, looking back up towards the other doctor.
"Let's look back at what upset John the most about last night. You said he kept going on about hurting you and how he didn't want to hurt you. If you had stopped him before he hurt you, then he wouldn't have ended up with that on his conscience, would he?" Jeff plainly asked. "I'm not saying that it's your fault that John felt guilty over hurting you. What I'm saying is that we all have our demons, Dave, and we need to face them so that we can then help those we love face their demons, too."
"But...but how could I have stopped him without hurtin' him? I didn't wanna do that...I didn't wanna hurt him. I mean, he's been through so much, how could I do anythin' to hurt him as well, intentional or not intentional?" Dave ran a hand over his eyes. "Look...life with Papa Malucci was *not* easy. My ol' man liked to use my brother and I as punchin' bags to make up for the fact that he couldn't hold down a job. On nights when he and my mom fought, we used t'have to sit and listen to him beat the Hell outta her, knowin' that we could do nothin' because we were next, no matter what. If we tried to fight back, we got it twice as bad. I saw the inside of the ER as a kid almost as much as I did when I worked in one as a doctor. Is...is that what ya want me to to talk about?"
"Well, yes, it is. Abuse is abuse, Dave. It doesn't matter if it's verbal, emotional, sexual or physical. You suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of someone who should have been taking care of you. You found yourself having to sit by and watch a person who was supposed to protect you, purposely hurt someone else who you loved. You said you have a brother. Why didn't the two of you gang up on your father? I'm sure that as you became older, the two of you would have been more than capable of taking your father down. What stopped you? Fear that he'd hurt you worse, or fear that you'd hurt him?"
"My father was dead by the time I was eighteen," Dave stated matter-of-factly. "Steve and I had talked about it, in fact, I wanted to. I wanted to punch him...I wanted to bash his head into a wall...give 'im a taste of his own medicine...see how he felt bein' the one at someone else's mercy for once. But, Steve always stopped me, tellin' me that we...we'd be better people if we didn't do anything at all. Then...then one day..." Dave shook his head. He hadn't thought about this stuff in years, and hadn't realized it was still going to have an emotional effect on him. "One day we got the call that there was an accident. Pop had managed to climb behin' the wheel of his car dead drunk, and then drove. He not only killed himself, but...but he mowed down an entire family in the process..."
A tear escaped down Dave's cheek, and he angrily wiped it away. "I.. .'ve never seen my Ma so upset...she...she couldn't take it, ya know? Couldn't deal with livin' without him...even though he was a real son of a bitch. I...I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Steve and I found her dead from ODin' on pills a few months later..."
"So your father basically killed your mother as well as a whole other family? And all because Steve wouldn't let you take out the guy when you could, right?" Jeff quickly asked.
What the Hell was this guy trying to do? Dave sat up straight in his chair, pulling his hands back as he considered best how to respond to that statement. As the thoughts mulled over in his mind, Dave's hands involuntarily clenched into fists, and he felt every bit of anger that had existed for the man he had once called 'Dad' fill his body. "My Pop killed the family. He had been slowly killin' my mom for as long as I knew him. And yeah. Maybe if I coulda beat the shit outta him, maybe it mighta stopped the guy from drivin' drunk...and from killin' my mother and that other family. But, I'll never know, cause he died before I could teach the bastard a lesson."
"Does it scare you that after all this time, just thinking about your father can make you this angry?" Jeff asked as he noted the clenched fist and the anger in Dave's eyes.
Dave's head snapped towards Jeff, and as the man's words registered into his head, his hands fell out of the tight balls that Dave had set them into. "I...I'm fine. He's...he's dead...he doesn't have any power over me, he can't hurt me anymore. I...I won't let him hurt me...and not my brother either...he won't hurt my brother...'cause the man is *dead*..."
"That's true. He made sure of that, didn't he?" Jeff looked intently at Dave. "They say that children look at their parents and have two warring fears. The first is that they won't be like their parents and the other is that they WILL be just like their parents. Are you afraid of that, Dave? Are you afraid that you might end up being just like your father, that you'll end up hurting the people who love you?"
"All I seem to do is hurt the people I love," Dave said, turning away. "I...I couldn't save my mom...maybe I coulda, if I had just beat the shit out of Pop. And I've hurt John more times than I can count. An'...and I keep doin' it, too. I don't know why he wants me around...all I seem to do is hurt him...but, I'm not like him...I'm not like that bastard! I would never, never raise a hand...not...not to John...not...not to my son...no...I would never do that..." Dave's thoughts were coming out as one big jumbled ball of emotions. He had never spoken this freely about anything regarding his past before. But it was almost cleansing, coming clean of everything that had been in his head and heart for so long.
"I'm sure you wouldn't, Dave. I generally find that people who are the most afraid that they will hurt the ones they love, are those most likely to never lift a hand to them. But you yourself said that you haven't physically harmed John, so I don't think you're in any danger of losing him, do you?"
Dave shook his head. "No. No, I guess not. I dunno...I...I mean...I *know* I'm capable of bein' violent. I've thrown people clear across rooms when I thought they were abusin' their kids...but, I...I don't think I'd ever hurt John. But...but, if he tried to attack me again, whether it was intentional or not...I...I don't know if I'd be able to hold back this time...and that's what scares the Hell outta me..."
"But you did hold back, didn't you? That's what counts the most, Dave. You might have thought about hurting John, but you didn't." Jeff looked at his notes. "Okay, let's go from one rough subject to another. Tell me about what happened yesterday after Mr. Carter and I left you with John in his room. And I mean everything, Dave. I know you might feel embarrassed about some of the stuff you might have done, but I've heard it all before and sometimes it's the littlest details that can be the most important. Would you mind if I turned on my tape recorder? I really don't want to miss anything."
"I don't mind," Dave said, sitting back in his chair once more. At this point, as long as what they did helped John, Dave was game for it. He watched as Jeff flipped on the tape recorder, and then Dave began to speak, talking about everything he could remember. From how he had felt when John told him that his feelings ran deep for him. Dave told him about Luka admitting that he and Abby had feelings for each other and about John's father setting up a romantic dinner for two at the cottage. Everything had been going along great, they had reunited, they made love -- and Dave admitted that he tied John up, only after making sure that the other man was completely okay with it. After they were done, they had passed out in a post-coital bliss. Dave had been awakened when John began to have his nightmare.
"He...he kept cryin' out, screamin' that the didn't want anyone to touch him. He was thrashing around so much in the bed, that I was almost afraid he was gonna hurt me, but I finally got him to calm down...wake up enough to realize that it was me in the room, and not anyone else. I...I thought it was all all right, but then...then he began to...uh...do things to me...to try to turn me on. I tried to push him away, sayin' that it wasn't a very good idea because it was obvious he was seekin' comfort after the nightmare and avoidin' talkin' about it...and...and that's when things began to get...physical..." Dave shut his eyes, the memories rushing back to him. "He...he kept callin' me his Kitten. He kept sayin' that we didn't need to turn on the lights, because then someone would see under the door what we were doin'. I...I realized he was still in some kinda flashback, but I didn't know how to get him outta it...finally...finally I pushed him offa me, and it was when I finally got the light on, I think, that's when John realized what he had almost done..."
"Does John often use sex as a means of obtaining comfort, or distracting you from something he doesn't want to talk about?" Jeff asked. It had been a question he had asked before Dave ended up opening up about his father, and Jeff wanted to see if he could finally get an answer to it.
Dave nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his chair as he spoke. "Yeah, yeah, he does...and...and I sometimes don't know what to do about it. Sometimes, I *know* that he's only doin' it cause he wants comfort or to avoid things, and, well...let's face it, I love him...and I'm also attracted to him...certain things happen when I'm around John, and I find once we get started...it's kinda hard to turn back, ya know?"
Jeff smirked. "Yeah, I know. Aaron knows all of my weak spots, too. It's damn hard to win an argument against him because he doesn't hesitate to take advantage of what he knows. Getting back to you and John, how does he react when you turn him down? You said that when you refused him last night is when he became aggressive, does he always become aggressive when you say no or was that something new?"
"The thing is, I don't think I've ever out and out refused him before. I mean, I've playfully swatted him away, but I've never just said no before. I...I don't think he's had the tendency of bein' violent. Whenever I'm hedgin', all he has to do is...well...John know jus' what to do to make my doubts go away..." It interested Dave that Jeff was talking openly about Aaron, who Dave knew as Dr. Meyers. Even though he knew that they were a couple, he hadn't really seen them that way.
Jeff nodded. "When you turned him down, and he turned on you, was it in a menacing way or just in a forceful way?"
"It...it wasn't either," Dave said, trying his best to remember. "I turned him down.and then he started to talk about how it was okay to show how we felt about each other...against my better judgment, I kissed him fully. It...it still didn't feel right, what we were doin'...but, I was hopin' that maybe he would talk...that maybe if we fooled around a little, he would talk. When we we stopped kissin'...that's when he started to talk all weird...like he was tryin' to instruct me or something..."
"You said you felt it was if he was acting something out. What made you think that? Was it something John said or did? Jeff asked. "I know these seem like nosy questions, Dave, but I'm trying to try to figure out a few things about John's abuse, things he might not even remember since he was so young at the time, so any impression you had, and of what you think he was acting out, will help."
Dave nodded. "Yeah... that whole thing with callin' me Kitten...the...the way that John didn't want me to turn on the light because he was afraid that someone would see under the door. He was sayin' stuff about sendin' me away from home...that if I was bad, and didn't do what he said, that I would be sent away. That's when...I tried to really fight...to tell him I wasn't doin' it, and...he pinned me to the floor. I..I think I threw him offa me...and that's when I got the lights on..."
"So you think that he was reliving something that happened between him and Jenny," Jeff observed. "Do you think, based on last night, that she ever forced him to have sex with her?"
"I absolutely think so," Dave said, nodding matter-of-factly. "Even that first time he broke down, when he kept tryin' to get Luka and me to stop touchin' him, he kept talkin' about how he didn't want to have sex...that he was a good boy, but he didn't feel like it...and to stop forcin' him..." This was just so difficult for Dave, to talk about someone he loved like this. But Dave knew that it was possibly the only way that John would be able to begin to heal.
"You both worked in trauma, correct? Tell me a little bit about that. What kinds of patients do you see on a regular basis, what's the stress level at work?" Jeff leaned back in his chair, thinking that getting the subject away from the sexual abuse would be the best thing for the moment.
Dave blinked at the change of subjects, but he was grateful for it as he sat back calmly in his chair once again. "It's...it's been a while, but I can tell ya it's a pretty high level stress job. I mean, you have the lives of people literally in your hands. One wrong decision...well, I learned the hard way what happens when you make one wrong decision. And John...bein' Chief Resident...that's gotta be a handful," Dave said, as he ran his hand over his eyes once more. "As for the type of patients, we...we see 'em all, from the simple butt boils, to the full blown trauma cases..."
"Trauma as in blood and guts or trauma as in victims of abuse? I guess what I'm trying to find out here is how often John deals with patients who are victims of abuse and what his attitude is toward treating them and getting them help," Jeff explained. "I'm also curious as to how much stress there is. Quite frankly, after some of what I've heard, I'm surprised John didn't fall apart years ago, even before he was stabbed. I think his drug addiction is more rooted in the sexual abuse than the stabbing, it just happened to be the stabbing that opened the door for it."
"Oh," Dave said, considering this for a moment. "We...we really don't see a lot of the sexual abuse cases down in the ER...not that often anyway...not kids. I mean, I guess there are some, but we get more physical abuse cases than anything else..." Dave recalled a time when he suspected a father of beating his kid, and Dave nearly killed the father. "But, uh, yeah...I don't how many sexual abuse cases we see down there..." It was what Jeff talked about next that most interested Dave. "So you think that if the stabbin' hadn't happened, that there's a chance that John woulda turned to drugs anyway?"
"I think John would have eventually turned to something in order to handle the emotional pain. A person can only ignore their past but so long, Dave. Sooner or later, it will catch up to you. If you're not prepared for it, then it can be pretty overwhelming. John never consciously allowed himself to believe that what happened to him was wrong, but I think that it was growing in his subconscious and before too long, he wouldn't have been able to handle it. Of course, I'm basing that observation on what others have told me, and the short amount of time he and I spoke yesterday, and he was sedated then. It's going to be interesting to hear his version of last night's events. Shall we head on upstairs? I'm sure he's going to want you there while I speak with him."
Mr. Carter had explained to Jeff that John had further injured his feet and wasn't able to come down the stairs, so Jeff knew that they were going to have to talk in the bedroom. Which, if John became distraught, would end up being the best place to be if Jeff needed to sedate him again. "Thank you for answering my questions, Dave. I know that some of them were quite difficult for you to face and answer and I really do appreciate it."
Dave nodded. "I wanna do anythin' I can to help John, ya know? I...yeah, we should go upstairs now." Dave was very interested to see how John was going to react to all of this, and also how John was going to feel about needing to go on meds. Dave was reasonably sure that the response was going to be far from positive.