Author/pseudonym: MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Email address: monaCK2@yahoo.com and huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Finished. Well, mostly finished. Just the ending left to write.
Pairing: John Carter/Dave Malucci
Date: March 28, 2004
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 46/?
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. The title of the story was inspired by the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name, and no infringement is intended. The story can be found on the following web sites: http://www.heresmona.com/fanfic.html
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Boutique/7087/, and
http://www.errealmofslash.com
Summary: It's a slashy A/U story about how Season 8 might have been and contains no spoilers for the current season.
"Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, Part 46"
By MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Dave was aware as he climbed down the stairs that he was completely naked -- and that was something that he was quite comfortable with. Dave knew he had a good body, and he didn't much care who saw. That had always been his philosophy. And as he made his way to the fridge, he easily found the pie, and the cheese in there. Cheddar Cheese. On Apple Pie. As Dave sliced up the block of cheese, and placed it over the sweet dessert, he tried to not make a face. He had already decided that he was going to eat it -- if John liked it, Dave wasn't going to do anything to make trouble -- even if it meant that Dave was going to throw up from the mix of tastes afterwards.
John moved around on the bed, smoothing out the sheets and fluffing up the pillows against the headboard. They really needed a towel to cover the wet spot, but John was pretty sure that Dave would kill him if he walked over to the bathroom for one. So John settled for pulling the top sheet up over it -- that would keep the crumbs out of the bed, too. Not that John necessarily minded crumbs in the bed as long as it was Dave's crumbs and Dave's bed.
He checked his watch, wondering just how long Dave was going to take to heat up some pie. The memory of their love-making was fresh in John's mind, and he could still 'feel' Dave's touches against his skin. John closed his eyes and let those memories take over, his own hands skimming over his body, following the trails that Dave had left behind, lingering where Dave's lips had lingered earlier that night and at other times -- his chest, his belly, his hips -- they all burned with the memory of Dave's fingers and lips.
The pie was ready, so Dave took that, two glasses of milk, and some napkins, as well as utensils and put them on the tray that he'd used earlier in the day to bring up John's breakfast. Quietly, he headed up the stairs, a small smile on his lips as he thought about the events of the evening. The evening had made all of the bad stuff that had happened seem much less horrible. Dave and John were together. That was what was most important.
As Dave walked in the doorway of the bedroom, he was about to speak when he noticed that John was touching himself. And Dave found that he was glued to the spot, his mouth parting slightly as he watched John's hands paint a trail on his own body. That was...quite erotic. And Dave found that he didn't want to disturb John. It was almost like he had interrupted something very private, and Dave was afraid that the moment would be lost if he uttered any words.
With his eyes closed, John found it very easy to imagine that it WAS Dave touching him again, his touches feather soft, his hand cupping John's balls and kneading them between his fingers. A soft moan escaped John's throat as he felt Dave's lips upon his mouth. "Dave..." he whispered just seconds before contact was made, and John's hips arched up, needing more of Dave's touch.
Dave's eyes were fixed on John, watching as John began to massage his own balls. Quietly, Dave put his tray down on the floor, not wanting to disturb the moment. It was almost like the time that John had masturbated in front of Dave -- that was one of the most erotic moments of their past together. Only that time, John had been hard, and he had stroked himself until he came. Dave recalled that he had just gotten off, so he wasn't able to get hard -- sort of like the situation that he was in at that moment. And once again, Dave found himself wishing that they hadn't just made love, because jerking off in front of each other held a certain appeal. Of course, the night was still quite young...
Not much longer now, John thought to himself, and he'd soon have Dave there with him in the flesh and not just in his mind. He could already smell the warm apple pie. "Yes..." he breathed as his imaginary lover began to nip at his nipple while Dave's fingers lightly teased the other teat. "Oh, yes..."
Dave found his own hands began to explore his own body, mimicking many of the actions that John was doing. Once more, Dave found himself wishing that he could get hard -- the mind was willing, but the body was not, at least not yet. As John began to moan, Dave found that he was moving closer to the bed himself. And as he crawled back next to his lover, Dave reached for John, no longer able to resist participating in at least some way if he wasn't able to jerk himself off.
"Do you have any idea how fuckin' erotic it is when you do that?" Dave's mouth covered John's soon after the words fell out of his mouth, and his hands reached around John's body, and he pulled him closer, until it was impossible to tell where one body stopped and the other began.
At first, John wasn't quite sure that his fantasy had become flesh, but there was no mistaking Dave's kiss. Nothing imaginary could ever come close to duplicating the way Dave's kisses made John feel. As their bodies became intertwined, John let his hands make new trails over Dave's body, hoping that his fingers were burning into Dave's flesh the way that Dave's fingers burned into his.
They had just finished making love, but to Dave it might as well have happened hours ago because of how erotic and intoxicating John's touches were on his body. Their lips finally parted, out of need, not out of want. And as Dave's eyes were drawn towards John's once more, a small smile played on his lips. "Damn, John...do you know what you do to me...?"
John's hand snaked between them to grasp Dave's limp cock and there was a smirk on his face as he looked into Dave's eyes. "Apparently not as much as I'd like."
"Hey, what can I tell ya...we haven't had our dessert yet, so I haven't been able to build my strength back up," he said, as he returned the smirk. Besides," he began, as his own hand reached down to grab John's dick. "You're not exactly hard either..."
"That's because I need my calcium...it builds strong bones, you know," John replied with a laugh. "So, is the smell of warm apple pie still just in my mind or is it for real?" John wished he was hard, just so he could come once again for Dave, maybe even like he had done one time before, back when they were first seeing each other. Dave had somehow managed to talk him into messing with himself while Dave watched, and the orgasm then had been incredible.
Then there was also the possibility that if John were hard and Dave wasn't, then maybe Dave would let John take him, he had said he'd consider it at some vague point in the future.
"Oh, the apple pie is quite real, my friend," Dave said, as he pulled away once more. "I've even got some milk for ya. Wouldn't want ya to waste away to nothin' or anythin'," Dave teased, as he got up from bed once again. "Why don't ya sit up, and I'll give ya the tray, and we can both eat offa it, though, I haveta tell ya, I don't know how you can eat cheese on your apple pie..."
Dave carefully picked the tray up off of the floor, and positioned it across John's lap. He then took his place by John's side again, and grabbing the fork, he dove into a slice, intending on feeding his lover once more.
"It's quite delicious, although I do admit that sometimes only vanilla ice cream will do the trick," John said as he sat back up against the headboard. He made sure the pillows were in place so that the bars of the headframe didn't end up poking him in the back. Looking down at the tray that covered his lap, John couldn't help but grin over being partially covered while being afforded a nice view of Dave's body. "Try it, you might like it," John continued to say, but his attention wasn't on the pie so much as it was on the body of the man who had brought him the pie.
Dave cocked his head sideways. "Yeah? You think it's delicious...maybe...maybe for *you* I'll give it a try, even though it's not exactly...uh...my taste. After all, I gave *you* a try, didn't I? And when we first met, I didn't think you were my 'type' either. Man, you certainly proved me wrong in that regard..." With a grin, he brought the fork up to John's lips. Yes, he might try it later, but for now he wanted John to have the treat.
"I guess we were both pleasantly surprised, weren't we?" John asked as he brought his eyes back up to Dave's face, then noticed the forkful of pie waiting for him. Leaning forward slightly, John slowly wrapped his lips around the fork, and then slid his mouth off of the tines, taking the succulent pie with it. "Mmmm."
With Dave's eyes still locked on John's, he ran the fork through the piece of pie once more. This time, he brought the dessert to his own lips. "I...must really love ya," he said, as he bit the stuff off of the fork. The tastes passed through his mouth -- first the sweetness of the apples, combined with the slightly less harsh taste of the crust. And then, finally, the sharpness of the cheddar cheese. He quickly reached for his glass of milk after he swallowed to wash the taste out of his mouth. "I...I might think that you're delicious, but I think that this is officially your pie," he teased, as he placed his now half empty glass back on the tray. "But that's okay... we don't haveta like -everything- the same..."
As Dave tasted the pie, John was having an enjoyable time watching the man's face. The contortions were priceless and John found himself smiling and nodding at Dave's words. "I think you're right about it. If we liked all the same things then we'd probably get very bored with each other. I think though, that I've run out of strange things for you to try. Unless you've never had caviar?" John reached for the other fork so he could feed Dave the cheese-less slice of pie.
Dave shook his head. "Fish Eggs? No thanks, my friend. And I don't like sushi either. Raw fish is bait..." Man, John and him really did have some different tastes. But John was right, it made things much less boring between them if they had *some* differences. Dave ran his fork through the cheesy slice again, and cut off another piece. One way or another, they were going to finish their dessert, so they could move onto the main course all over again. Dave wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get hard again any time soon, but he sure as Hell was going to have fun trying.
John held the fork to Dave's lips. "Okay, so there has to be something strange that you like that I wouldn't," he said, "What's your most favorite food in the world?"
Dave thought about this for a moment. "Lesse...my most favorite food in the world...has gotta be Dim Sum straight from Chinatown in New York City. Mmm...man, I can almost taste it...the dumplin'...the meat filled noodles. Man, I could go for some of that...nothin' like Dim Sum from New York..." Dave then took a bite of his pie, and smiled as he tasted the familiar tastes in his mouth. "Now *that* is how pie is supposed to taste."
John nodded. "Dim Sum is good, but you only mentioned the 'normal' items. Or don't the Dim Sum places in New York know how to prepare stuffed chicken's feet?" John asked with a grin as he carefully tugged the fork out of Dave's mouth.
Dave's face paled. "Yeah...yeah, I'm sure they do, but, uh...that's...that's just *gross* John. I...I guess I have rather simple tastes, and maybe there isn't anything that I really like that you don't like too..." Some of the stuff that John had eaten, and apparently enjoyed, was just downright disgusting...
John laughed. "I can assure you that I would never let chicken feet, stuffed or otherwise, anywhere near my lips. Aren't you curious about my most favorite thing to eat?" he asked as he held up another forkful of apple pie to Dave's lips.
"Of course I'm curious," Dave said, as he bit another piece of pie off of the fork. He was really enjoying the chatting, and the dessert, but the gross food stuff was beginning to turn Dave's stomach. He hoped that John wasn't going to answer with something like Peanut Butter and Bacon sandwiches or anything like that. Dave then brought his fork, which was full of the cheesy apple pie substance, to John's lips.
There was a small smile on John's face as he looked deeply into Dave's eyes. "You," he simply replied before taking the bite of pie.
Dave instantly felt bad for not thinking along the same lines that John was thinking, but sometimes, his mind didn't work that quickly. Dave's smile didn't falter though, and he tried not to let the comment effect him too much. "So, I'm your favorite food, huh? Well, maybe we should put this tray away, so we can get back to other things," he commented, as he drew the fork away from John's lips. Focusing things back on sex was the best thing that Dave could do to keep from being upset. Because maybe if Dave could make sure that John understood that he always came first in Dave's life, then the fact that John hadn't been the first thought on Dave's mind in regards to food would be overlooked.
"I think that's a great idea, but..." John was more than eager to get back to enjoying Dave's body, but he knew his feet needed to be taken care of first. "We need to change the dressings first." He moved the tray away from his lap, slightly disappointed that his cock wasn't hard again, but remaining hopeful that a bit more time would take care of that condition.
Dave took the tray off of the bed, and placed it on the floor beside the bed. "Yeah, we'll take care of changin' your dressin's, so we can get back to business," he said, cocking his brow upwards. Dave leaned over and gave John a quick kiss on the lips, and then smiled once more. "I'll be right back with the supplies," he said, and then with one last look towards his lover, he left the room.
John rolled over to his stomach so he could reach the floor -- and the rest of his pie. He also had never gotten around to drinking any of the milk and he wasn't quite sure how he was going to manage that while prone on the mattress. As he savored the wonderful mixture of the cheese, apples and sugar, John wondered how it was that Dave didn't think it tasted good.
As Dave wandered back into the bedroom carrying the dressings and antiseptic in hand, he stopped dead in his tracks as he watched John snacking on the rest of his slice of pie. Shaking his head, he chuckled. "So I guess ya *did* wanna finish that," he teased, as he sat on the edge of the bed. "All ya hadda do was ask..."
John lifted his head and grinned at Dave. "I figured that if I finished it off while you were getting the supplies then it would save time." He was about to roll over so he could sit up again but then thought that he was in the perfect position for Dave. "Think you can do the bandages while I take care of the rest of your pie, too?"
Dave laughed. "You're like a bottomless pit," he said, as he moved towards the edge of the bed. "But, yeah, I'll take care of wrappin' your feet," he said, still chuckling as he shook his head. He quickly assessed how John's feet looked. They were still kind of raw looking, but they were definitely looking better than they had last time the dressings were changed. But still, Dave was concerned as to how much pain John still seemed to be in, and Dave wasn't going to talk about it now, but he didn't want John going into work tomorrow. He quickly put the antiseptic on John's feet, and then grinned as he wrapped on the last bandage. "Are ya about done there? Cause you're almost good to go here."
The antiseptic felt cool against John's feet, almost ticklish, but he held back on the urge to wiggle his feet. "I just have my milk to drink and then I'm good to go." John grabbed his glass of milk and slowly managed to sit up so he could drink it. "They're still pretty bruised, aren't they?" he asked Dave. John's feet definitely felt bruised to him, and he was beginning to think that going to work was probably not the best thing in the world to do. He'd wait to see how they felt in the morning, John decided as he began to drink his milk.
Dave nodded. "Yeah, they're still pretty messed up. I mean, they're lookin' a little better, but I'm...well, I'm worried about ya bein' up on your feet all day tomorrow. But, we'll worry about that later. I mean, they might get better overnight, so..." Dave shook his head. He was acting like a concerned parent again, and that wasn't what either of them needed at that moment. "But, it doesn't matter now, cause what I have in mind for you tonight doesn't require ya bein' on your feet..."
"And what I have in mind for you doesn't involve me being on my feet, either." The glass of milk went on the nightstand and John leaned forward so he could softly stroke Dave's thigh, coming close to the still limp cock but never touching it. "Tell me your plans for me and I just might share my plans with you."
"Well," Dave said, as his eyes drifted downwards to where John's hand was stroking. "I was thinking...we could tease each other until we got hard again...and see where things went from there. I...I uh...I did get to do what I wanted ta do earlier in the evenin'...so I have to say, anythin' else we do is jus' gonna be icin' on the cake for me... What...what were your plans for me, huh?" Dave was curious to see where John's thoughts were drifting.
John slowly smiled. "I was thinking along the same lines as you were. Teasing you to the point of distraction sounds good to me." His hand brushed against Dave's cock. "We could make a game of it, see who gets the other one hard again first?"
"Yeah? A game, huh? Well...games should have some sort of rewards...but, I haveta say, havin' you is all the reward I need, so, yeah...that sounds good to me..." John's hand moving against Dave's dick had felt *really* good, and it encouraged Dave to mimic John's actions. "You know what was *really* hot? Remember when you played with yourself? With me watchin...? Maybe, we could try somethin' like that again...only with me playin' with myself too? It can almost be a game, also, watchin' each other...but not bein' able to touch..."
John chuckled. "That would be good. If I remember correctly though, the last time I did that for you, it was with you calling the shots and telling me what to do. Are we going to get a chance to do that? Maybe take turns calling the action?" His hand gently encased Dave's balls and John began to gently squeeze them.
"Mmm...yes," Dave said, unable to keep a smile from forming on his lips. "Yeah, I think that'll be a good idea...but I haveta say...you're not playin' fair right now," Dave commented, as his own hand reached for John's balls. Squeezing them gently, his eyes locked with John's as he felt the weight of them in his fingers. "After all...we should start off on even ground, right?"
"Definitely." John twisted around to grab a pillow and he tossed it at Dave. "One of us leans against the headboard, the other against the foot of the bed, so we can get a good look at each other with more than enough space between us, just in case we get tempted to cheat."
Dave caught the pillow, the smile still on his lips. "Yeah, that sounds good to me...it's gonna add to it, you know," he said, as he put the pillow up against the footboard of the bed. "The torture of watchin'...but not bein' able to touch..." Dave found that he was really looking forward to this, and he also found that his dick twitched slightly in anticipation. Yes. This was going to be a great challenge...
John's smile turned a bit evil as he settled back against his pillow. "I am so going to enjoy making you do certain things," he said, wanting to watch Dave squirm a bit over *that* thought. "I promise that I won't ask you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable." As tempting as it was to have Dave use his fingers in certain places, John knew Dave wasn't quite ready for that kind of play.
"Yeah...?" Dave's smile faltered a bit, but he relaxed when John explained that he wouldn't ask Dave to do anything he wasn't ready for. "Ya know, there's stuff I wanna see ya do, too, Man, this is gonna be great..." As Dave leaned back against the pillow, he began to stroke his own cock, which was beginning to respond in anticipation of what was to come. Oh, he was far from hard, but he was getting there.
********************
John sat in the middle of the floor, his body huddled over as he kept glancing at the door, not wanting anyone to come through it. But someone DID walk into the room.
It was her again -- Jenny. Whimpering, John tried to move away from her, but every which way he turned, there she was, smiling and telling him that she was always going to be there for him, that she loved him and that it was only right for him to return that love.
She scared him. Even though the way she touched him made his body feel strange, Jenny scared him. The way she said he'd be sent away if he was bad, the way she laughed as she told him how good he was and called him her little sex kitten -- all of that scared him.
"No, please...I don't want to..." he said as Jenny's arms lifted him from the floor. "Please...I'll be good...but not now...please?" No matter how much John twisted and turned, he couldn't get out of her clutches and the fear and frustration combined together, making him cry. "Noooo...please no..."
As soon as Dave felt the abnormal movement in the bed, he was up like a shot. And at John's cries in the middle of an otherwise peaceful night's sleep, Dave was wide awake. "Hey...hey, John, shh...it's okay. I'm here...I'm not gonna let anything happen to you..." And risking bodily injury from the man's tosses and turns, Dave tried to pull John into his arms.
Jenny was strong...too strong for John to resist her, but he kept trying. "Please...no..I'll be good...don't...please?"
Now, Dave was beginning to panic. He *had* to wake John up, and quickly. "John, wake up man, c'mon...ya gotta wake up, please...?" Dave planted soft kisses on the side of John's face, hoping that this familiarity would bring John back from whatever nightmare had overtaken him -- though Dave could guess what it was probably about, based on what he was yelling out. It was either Jenny or Alex that had invaded his lover's thoughts.
As Jenny began to kiss him, John began to cry even harder. It wasn't fair, being eleven and helpless and having to do everything the grownups wanted you to do. It wasn't fair that Bobby was dead, leaving him alone. Leaving him alone to have to deal with Jenny. John hated being told he was a child and little and bossed around, and that hatred for things like that made him fight even harder.
Pushing roughly against Jenny's body, John shoved hard, finally getting away -- falling away from her the way he wished he could just fall away from his life.
There was nothing that Dave could do. While he was trying to recover from being shoved by John, a move which had literally left Dave breathless, John had fallen onto the floor. "J...John!" Dave scampered off of the bed, and ran over towards where John had fallen. But he stood a few feet away, afraid that touching him would send John into hysterics. Dave felt guilty, very guilty. He should have known better than to sleep with John when he knew that John's mental state was still not so great. And now, John was in the throes of another breakdown.
John blinked hard, his eyes trying to make out the shapes in the room. Jenny was gone -- he knew that because he couldn't pick up the scent of her perfume in the room. But he wasn't alone.
Someone was with him, and it wasn't his room, either -- John knew that much. Was it Bobby's? No, Bobby was dead, long dead, and Jenny had been a dream. A bad dream, but a dream nonetheless.
But the fear was still there because John knew he wasn't alone in that room. He scrambled to his feet, hoping to be able to get away before whoever it was grabbed him -- or worse -- and a shooting pain made him cry out loud as he collapsed once again to the floor. But the pain cleared his head and John remembered coming to the cottage with Dave -- loving Dave and being loved by him in return. Choosing Dave.
It was Dave in the room with him. "D...d...dave?" John shakily called out, mentally cursing the darkness that kept him from seeing the most important person in his life.
Dave watched, momentarily horrified as the pain in John's feet was obviously still too much for John to be able to support his own weight. But as John called for him, Dave was by John's side, and he enveloped the other man in his strong embrace. "I'm...I'm here. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you, not ever again. I'm here..."
Silent, John let himself fall into the safety of Dave's arms. It was wrong to need that security, wrong to not be strong enough to be able to face his demons on his own -- John knew all that. But for the moment he didn't see the harm in just letting Dave hold him. John wrapped his arms around Dave's midsection while he buried his face into the skin of Dave's chest and taking in deep, calming breaths of Dave's musk. So very different from the perfume that Jenny used to wear. God, it was almost overwhelming at times, especially when John was very close to Jenny. Especially those times when Jenny insisted that he love her.
The battle that was going on inside of Dave was intense. From wanting to sit on the floor, just holding the man he loved in his arms, to wanting to get dressed, and go wring the neck of the bitch that had made John this way. She deserved to be in pain. She deserved to be in misery. She deserved to be tortured for every minute that John was upset over her. But Dave stayed where he was, knowing that John needed him to be there, despite the fact that Dave wanted to do whatever he could to make that bitch pay.
Shutting his eyes, Dave planted another soft kiss on the top of John's head as he fought to remove all the negative thoughts from his head. "Do...do ya wanna talk about it?" His voice was probing, but not pushy. Dave was hoping that John would open up on his own, even though Dr. DiLeo had told Dave to try to get John to talk about it as much as possible when things like this happened.
John shook his head. All he wanted was to just sit there and listen to the beating of Dave's heart, knowing that he was safe, at least for a little while. The silence continued, unbroken even by the tears that were occasionally falling from John's eyes. Finally though, even the silence seemed oppressive, and John cleared his throat.
"Sometimes...sometimes she'd ask and sometimes...she wouldn't." John's voice was soft, but still shaky. "She'd just come into my room and make me...she'd tell me she loved me, that no one could ever love me the way she did...that it was only right for me to show her how much I appreciated that, how much I was grateful for her love, that it was wrong for me to tell her to get out of my room. She knew I wouldn't yell or anything because I never wanted to wake up Bobby and he was just in the next room."
Dave held John close to him, using his thumb to wipe the stray tears that were still falling down the other man's face. And Dave just let him talk, not wanting to interrupt his stream of consciousness as John told the most intimate details of his life. But as he stopped speaking, the silence was almost deafening, and Dave knew that he needed to get John to keep saying what was on his mind. It was the only way that John could begin to work past this. "What...what would she do, John? What would happen when she came in?" Dave wasn't sure he was ready to hear the answer.
There was no way that John could even begin to think about telling Dave all of that, and he struggled for a way to distract Dave so that he wouldn't ask any more questions. John knew the layout of Dave's body and even in the darkness he could easily find a nipple to suck on. As John's mouth found the nub, his hands began to skim over Dave's back, moving down toward the man's ass. It was as if John's whole existence depended on one thing -- getting Dave hard.
Dave's eyes fluttered closed, but he shook his head. "No...No, John, not like this. You know I love ya, you know I always want ya, but...not like this.." Yes, John was good with distraction, but there was no way that Dave was going to let anything happen off of a rebound of this horrible nightmare that John had had. "You...you need to talk to me first.."
"Why? We can do this without talking...you know I can make you feel good, Dave." John lifted his head from Dave's body long enough to say that. "Remember how I came for you earlier tonight? You were hard and stroking yourself, watching me. I was imagining that you were touching me, Dave, that's why I came so hard. And I'm hard now...for you, Dave, just for you." John found one of Dave's hands and moved it until it was touching his hard cock. "I want to scream for you, Dave. Make me scream. Make me yours." John began to place light kisses on Dave's collarbone. "I want to make you feel good."
Dave shook his head again. "No...no, John, listen to me. I don't wanna have ta do this, because you know how much I like it when you make me feel good, but not now. Let's...let's go back to sleep first, and if you're still feelin' up to it in the morning, we'll do it. I...John, it's not a good idea right now, not after your nightmare. Please, I...I don't wanna hurt you." Dave was nearly beside himself, once again two parts of his brain warring with each other. One side, the impulsive, always horny side, wanted to just make John forget that he ever had a nightmare. But the other, the more logical side of him, was telling him that if he let this happen, it would only set John back further. "Please, I love you so much..."
"Show me," John asked, his voice nearly pleading. "It's okay for you to show me, Dave," John added as his hands moved to Dave's hips and on the way to his cock. Dave just had to be hard for him. "It's okay. It's never wrong to show someone that you love them or how grateful you are because they love you. Show me."
"J...John...please..." Dave took a shuddering breath as he felt John's hands on him, and Dave's resolve *not* to let anything happen was slowly waning. He placed a hand lightly on the back of John's neck. And unable to keep any further control on his emotions and feelings, and against his better judgment, Dave kissed John fully on the lips as his body fully responded to John's touches.
John cheered inside as Dave's lips claimed him. He had made Dave forget all about that stupid dream and asking questions about Jenny. The elation of winning surged through John, and he threw his whole being behind the kiss, his hands busy with Dave's body -- searching and caressing until one hand found Dave's hardness. A hardness John had created and one that John would satisfy now that he had Dave's undivided attention.
It was wrong, but it was like Dave was powerless to stop it. The part of his brain that wanted this to solve all of their problems had completely taken over, and it seemed that the logical part of his brain had gone on vacation. Dave's own hands began to explore John's body, and his fingers sought to find crevices that had been previously unexplored. Amazingly, even after having come twice, Dave was completely hard for his lover, and he cursed his body silently for betraying him. Maybe, maybe he could get John to talk to him later. At least, Dave hoped so.
As Dave's hands feverishly ran over his body, John began to urge him on to more action. "That's it, baby. Yeah, touch me there. You know I like it, don't you? You know just how to touch me to make me hard for you and how to please me. Show me how much you love me." The voice was John's, but the words were out of his memory and never before spoken by him.
Something in the way that John was speaking, something in his tone of voice, sent a chill right through Dave's body. And he found himself pulling his hands back as opposed to being further encouraged by John's words. Pulling his lips away, Dave's eyes swept over John's body. "I..we can't do this," he finally said, as the logical part of his brain once more took over. "John, no...not until we're more awake, not...not until...no...let's...at least get on the bed. Let me turn on the light...look at ya..." Dave needed to do something, anything to get away from the moment, so he could make sure that this was what John *really* wanted...because as it stood, Dave wasn't so sure.
John shook his head. "No lights. Someone will see the light from under the door and we don't want them in here, do we? C'mon, kitten, show me how much you love me." John lightly stroked Dave's cock. "You're so hard for me, so good at this..."
Lights? Under the door? Kitten? What the Hell was John talking about? Jesus -- John was still in the throes of a flashback, and Dave was fully unequipped to be handling it. "No, John," Dave said, his voice firm. "We are *not* doing this..." Dave hated that his body was continuing to betray him. His dick thought that it was John stroking him, but his mind was telling him something else. There was something *very* wrong. "John, listen to me, you *have* to wake up...John..." Dave began to back away. He needed to turn on a light. Maybe that would make John realize what he was doing.
John chuckled. "Oh, yes, kitten, we most certainly 'are' doing this. You know you want to, I can feel how hard you are for me. You've made me want you so you have to please me. You're just so damn good at this, kitten," John said, his hands even more demanding as they reached out again for Dave and then pushed the man toward the floor. John quickly straddled Dave's body, smiling down through the darkness at him. "I want to feel your mouth on me. No one can make me come the way you can, you're so good at it. Make me come, kitten."
No -- Dave *didn't* want to do this. This *wasn't* John who was coming onto him. This...this was someone else. Someone else in John's mind was taking him over or something, and Dave didn't like it one bit. "John, no. I'm not doin' this. Get offa me. Dammit, stop this, John. Do you realize *what* you're doin'? This is me, *Dave*. Stop it...now!" The last thing that Dave wanted was to have this forced on him. Dave liked sex just as much as the next guy, but this was crossing the line. He did not feel comfortable with the situation, and was going to vocalize this fact to John as all of Dave's self defense mechanisms kicked in.
John's smile faded as Dave talked back to him, and he pressed down hard against the front of the man's shoulders, pinning him firmly to the floor. "Now, kitten, you know you can't raise your voice to me. If they catch us, then you'll be in trouble. They'll send you far away from home and then what will happen? Your brother will be all alone when he dies and you don't want that, do you? Don't you love your brother? Don't you love me?"
As John pushed Dave back, his head hit against the floor, momentarily stunning him as he tried to get his mind wrapped around exactly what was going on. And as John's words absorbed into him, Dave was shell-shocked, unsure of what to say or do, other than begin to fight back. Dave *had* to get through to John somehow...someway. "John, you *have* to stop this. You're *hurting* me...stop it...stop hurting me!" When both John and Dr. DiLeo had told Dave that there would be times when John would hurt him, Dave hadn't realized that this is what he would be signing up for. And in reality, it was beginning to bring back some memories of his own, ones that Dave had long buried.
When Dave's father used to slap him and Steve around, Dave was often powerless to stop him. And at that moment, many of those feelings were rushing back to him, only now, Dave *was* strong enough to make the pain end. "Damn it, John...get the Hell offa me..."
John's patience was wearing thin with Dave's attitude. Leaning over so that his lips were near Dave's ear, John's voice was practically hissing. "I told you to never talk back to me. I guess you just want to be sent away, don't you? Your daddy will send you to a school where there'll be nothing but men wanting you to suck their cocks, and you and I both know that you'll be so good at it, don't we? Just like you're good with me. So shut up and do what you're good at or there will be Hell to pay, do you hear me?" To emphasize his point, John's fingers squeezed roughly into the skin of Dave's shoulders and he didn't care if he left bruises. No one would notice them anyway.
Dave had had about enough. Dave had promised himself that he would never let himself be in a situation like he had been in with his father again, and here he was, letting the man who supposedly loved him do these horrible things to him. Blindly, Dave threw John off of him, the anger coursing through his body. "Damn it, I said...*no*!" Moving to a sitting position, Dave quickly got to his feet, his hands fumbling for the light switch on the wall. This had to end. Right then and there.
John was shocked when he suddenly found himself flung away from Dave. He had never expected that from him. He scrambled to his feet, the pain merely a nuisance as he felt the rage build in his body. John's eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could make out Dave's form near the doorway. There was no way that Dave was going to get away from him. No way that he was going to let Dave get away with saying no like that.
Rushing Dave, John slammed his body into the other man's back. "You little brat! How dare you? By the time I'm done with you, you'll never talk back to me again."
Dave had managed to turn the light on just when he felt the pressure of John pushing into his back. "Damn it..." Dave turned around, now in a much better position to be able to restrain John. Dave grabbed John's arm, bringing it behind his back so that John was a little more under Dave's control instead of it being the other way around. "I said, stop it. I took it from my father for years. I'm *not* takin' it from you. Damn it. I love you. But I'm *not* gonna let you hurt me like this. You are *not* going to hurt me like this..." There were tears in Dave's eyes. He couldn't handle this, he wasn't strong enough to handle the kind of problems that John obviously had. And in all honesty, Dave wasn't sure how the two of them were going to be able to work past the pain that they had inflicted on each other in a span of just a few minutes.
The light hurt John's eyes and he blinked rapidly against it -- and just as rapidly he realized what he had said and done. Dear God, John thought as he closed his eyes tightly, his body going limp under Dave's restraint, what have I done? It didn't matter that at the time he hadn't truly been aware that he was hurting Dave -- the fact remained that John *had* hurt him, something he had promised himself would never again happen.
There was no way Dave would love him now, and the knowledge of that tore through John's heart and soul. He wanted to beg Dave's forgiveness -- get down on his knees and vow to do anything and everything to make it up to Dave. But John knew that things had gone too far for that. Dave was lost to him. The only person who truly mattered was utterly and completely lost to him. The emotional pain of that was so great that the physical pain from his feet was nothing more than a vague notion -- something John could ignore long enough to walk out of there with some small shred of dignity. He was determined to get out of there without crying once again in front of Dave.