"A Most Willing Student, Conclusion"
By: Cathy Roberts
John had felt as if he was going to go mad without Peter in Chicago. It had been bad enough when Peter told him he was going to Minnesota, but when he had tracked him down in the ER and told him that the plans had been changed and he was going to Mississippi, he had been frantic with worry. Mississippi? Why were they sending him to Mississippi? A city wouldn't have been too bad, but they were sending Peter to some small town that only Jeannie Boulet had ever heard about. Peter had pulled John into the men's room, established that they were alone and quickly kissed him.
"I'm going to miss you."
"Same here. I wish you didn't have to go there."
"I'm not too thrilled with the idea either. We'll just have to trust that the stereotypes aren't based on any truth. I won't get lynched by the KKK." Peter laughed, but John didn't. Instead, he caressed Peter's cheek with his hand, his brown eyes sad.
"Don't even joke about that. Please be careful down there."
"I'm always careful, baby, but I'm not going to let some racist make me run scared, either. Here." Peter pressed the keys to his apartment and mailbox into John's hand. "Would you get my mail for me and check on the apartment every now and then?"
"Sure. I can do that. You will call, won't you?"
"As often as I can. I promise. You'll never be out of my thoughts, John." Another chaste kiss and then Peter was gone.
John shoved the keys in his pockets and went to call Jeannie, knowing she had been released earlier and would be home. He needed to ask her if things would be rough for Peter in Laverne, Mississippi. She had laughed at him when he asked.
"Laverne is no more racist than any other place, Carter. Now, you can take that any way you want. I think that Peter will be just fine. There's no need for you to worry about him. Peter Benton can handle himself just fine."
"Thanks, Jeannie. I guess I feel a little better knowing that." John hoped he didn't sound too relieved as he suddenly realized that he might have revealed too much to Jeannie. After all, to her knowledge, he had no reason to be concerned about Peter. "I'm sure that Lucy will be reassured as well."
"Oh will she?"
"Yeah. Well, I'll let you go so you can get some rest."
"Carter, have you been tested for Hepatitis C yet?"
Twice actually, he thought, but he replied, "Yeah. It was negative. From what I've heard, everyone in the ER is testing negative. I don't think that you need to dwell on the thought that you might have infected anyone here."
"That's one less thing to worry about."
"Have you called Al yet?"
"Not yet. He's so wrapped up in his job down in Atlanta. I just don't feel right about calling him and telling him this. I know I'll have to though, because there is a chance that I've infected him or that he might have given it to me. But, not yet."
John thought that Jeannie sounded pretty sad and he wondered why she was continuing to hold onto her marriage when it was obvious that she and her husband had gone their separate ways. Maybe they just hadn't seen it yet.
"Do you need anything? I can bring you some dinner later, if you want."
"Thanks for offering, but Kerry's already volunteered to come by to cook dinner for me."
"Good. Just be careful that she doesn't ask you to help her in the kitchen. She gets a little wired about having things done a particular way."
Jeannie laughed, "I'll try to remember that. Thanks for calling, Carter."
"Thanks for answering my questions. I really do appreciate it. Take care, Jeannie, and hang in there."
"I'll try. Bye."
John hung up, then returned to work, trying his best to keep busy so that he wouldn't have time to worry about Peter.
Keeping himself busy with work ended up being the only thing that was getting him through the week. He would work himself past his scheduled hours, then go home and fall into bed, too tired to eat. Too tired to sleep usually. He would just lay there and think about Peter and what he had probably done that day. Then he would remember being with Peter, his vivid memories making him hard with desire. His hand was a poor substitute for Peter, though, but he used it anyway.
By the following Monday, he was a wreck, snapping at people one minute and depressed the next. He never noticed the exasperated looks that his colleagues exchanged or their subtle hints that he should pull himself together. By Wednesday afternoon, Mark had given up on subtlety and he had angrily sent John home and told him to stay there until he could find a way to readjust his attitude. Surprisingly, Romano had backed him with that decision. John had gone home, even more depressed than before. He hadn't realized that he had been in a bad mood, so he wasn't sure how he was going to change his attitude. His answer to that came when the phone rang and it was his father. His parents were coming home and wanted to spend time with him. The only drawback was that a family dinner had been planned to take place at John's grandparents' house. He still felt uncomfortable around them because of Chase and wasn't looking forward to attending any family function there. Christmas there had been bad enough.
John returned to work the next day in a much better mood and he finished out the week that way. On Friday he had dinner with his parents and on Saturday, he drove out to his grandparents' estate for the family get together. Dinner went surprisingly well, but John just couldn't keep his mind from thinking about Peter and the fact that he was becoming confused about their relationship and what he should do.
During dinner, Roland kept an eye on John, knowing that something was bothering his son. He and Laura, his wife, had talked about it after John had left their house Friday night. John had something important on his mind, but the only thing they could do was to wait and see if John would want to talk about it.
While the rest of the family retired to the study to have after dinner drinks, John nervously approached his father. "Dad? Can we go for a walk?"
Roland nodded, then went to tell his mother they were going out. By the time he had grabbed his coat, John was waiting outside the door.
The two headed toward the lake, neither one willing quite yet to breech the silence. Roland tried to remember the last time they had taken a walk along the lake. It had been when John had decided to go to medical school no matter what the eldest Carter male, Roland's father, thought about that. John had been sixteen then. If John wanted to take a walk, then that meant he was ready to talk about what was on his mind.
"Dad, I have a big problem. I'm in love."
Roland was pretty sure that John should sound a lot happier about the fact. "Oh? Let me guess, it's that young woman you told me about, Lucy Knight. Right?"
John shook his head, "No. I like Lucy. I like her a lot. I've even kissed her a few times and we've dated. But, I'm not in love with her. I'm not in love with any woman. That's the problem."
Roland had to digest that bit of information for a few seconds. He was sure that his son had just said he was not in love with a woman. That left only one alternative and it was one that Roland didn't want to have to deal with, ever.
"So, you're telling me that you are in love with another man?"
"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm telling you. Dad, I'm really confused right now. I love him. I miss him when we're apart, but at the same time I keep feeling that it's wrong. When I'm with him all my doubts disappear. The problem is that I'm away from him more than I'm with him. I swear to you that I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in love with another man. I've never even been attracted to other men. I like women. I like making love to women. They're great. But, somehow or another, I found myself falling in love with him. I kept quiet about it for a long time until I found out that he was in love with me."
"I assume that this is someone you work with. Lord knows you don't have time for a social life."
"It is. I've known him for a long time. A really long time."
"You're not going to tell me that it's that Benton guy are you? The surgeon who gave you such a rough time?"
John came to a stop and looked out over the lake, barely nodding. "Yeah. It's him. His name is Peter. He told me that the reason he was so hard on me was because he was attracted to me and he wanted to put some distance between us. He even admitted that one of the reasons he was so nasty to Dennis Gant was because he felt jealous over the fact that Dennis and I were roommates, even though he knew that nothing was going on between us." John sighed, "Dad, I just don't know what to do. There's a little voice inside me that keeps telling me to call it quits, run away from him and forget that anything ever happened between us. There's this other voice that keeps telling me that I would be a fool to walk away from someone who I love and who loves me back. I know that I'm disappointing you and the rest of the family by being involved with another man, but..."
"John, I can't begin to understand how you feel. All I can tell you is that when I fell in love with your mother, I was scared to death. I needed her so much and I hated being away from her. The only time I felt whole was when I was with her."
"That's the way I feel when I'm with Peter."
"No matter what you choose to do, you will still find yourself having to work at the same hospital as Peter Benton. If you break things off with him, then you will be faced with seeing him every day. Can you honestly handle that?"
"I've been handling that for years now. I've watched him be with other people."
"But that was before you told him how you felt. Now he knows and you know how he feels about you. I assume that the two of you have, uh, well, been intimate with each other."
"You can assume that."
"God, I never dreamed I would be having a conversation like this with you."
"Me, either."
"Son, what I'm trying to tell you is, that if you really and truly love Peter, then you owe it to him and yourself to try to make it work."
"Its not that it isn't working out, Dad. The problem is that I have never thought of myself as bisexual or gay. I've never thought of him that way. Even after I realized that I was in love with him, I still didn't feel that way. But, I enjoy being with him, so that makes me one or the other, right?"
"I believe that bisexual would be the correct term."
"Okay. So, now I'm bisexual, and in the eyes of the rest of the world, that's wrong. You hear all the time from the churches and stuff about how wrong and sinful it is. How unnatural it is. When I was in jail after being arrested for obstruction of justice, I was scared to death that some guy was going to try something with me. How can I feel that way one time and then feel totally different about it when I'm with Peter?"
"You know Peter and you love him. That makes a world of difference, son. John, to me, I think it is far worse for someone to be constantly running around, whether they are having sex with those of the same sex or of the opposite sex. I would be much happier knowing that you were committed to one person. I would be ecstatic if it was a woman, but I can live with the fact that you love another man. I wouldn't be too thrilled if I thought you were out there having sex with just about any man who crossed your path. A whore is whore, no matter their gender. I hope that we raised you better than that."
"You don't have to worry about me where that is concerned. I'm not turned on by other guys." At least he didn't think he was. He hoped he wasn't.
"Then just make a commitment to Peter. Love each other and try to make your relationship work. Be faithful to him in all ways. If you make a commitment to him and then fall into bed with a woman, it's the same thing as if you cheated on him with another man. It just wouldn't be right. Man, father is going to have a fit over this."
"I guess it's a good thing I already gave up my trust fund, huh?" John asked with a grin.
"Probably. I'm sure this is a time when he would have threatened to take it away from you. John, don't let him intimidate you. You have an excellent career ahead of you and you don't need his money to make it in this world. I wouldn't put it past him to threaten to write you out of his will because of this."
"I really don't care about the money, Dad. It's his approval that I want. I don't want Gamma and grandfather hating me. They're still angry with me because of Chase, I don't want to be disowned because I'm having an affair with a man. A black man at that."
"Father will probably be more upset over the fact that Peter is black than over the fact he's a man." Roland hugged his son. "I'm behind you, John. And I know that your mother will be supportive of you as well. You are our son and there is no way that we would ever turn our backs on you. I know that we're not around a lot, but we're only just a phone call away. We love you."
"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too." John hugged his father back.
"Now, why don't we head back to the house? It's freezing out here."
The two men began to walk back. John asked, "Are you going to say anything about this?"
"I'll tell your mother tonight, but no one else. If you want the rest of the family to know about you and Peter, then you have to be the one to tell them."
"I think I can hold off on that announcement. I'm not sure that Peter's ready to have a lot of people know about us. He has his son to think about."
"He has a son?"
John told him about Reese and Carla. "Peter's a good father, Dad. He really is."
"I believe you. I just hope for his sake that Carla is a modern minded woman and doesn't take exception to the fact that Peter is with you. She could try to take sole custody of Reese."
"He told her about us almost immediately, and he said that she wasn't upset. I don't think he told Jackie though. She's his older sister." John explained.
"My word of advice, son, is for you to sit down and ask Peter if he's told anyone else. And if he hasn't, then the two of you need to discuss what you're going to do."
"It's not always that easy to have a serious conversation with Peter."
"Not much of a talker, huh?"
"Not at all. Not like me, anyway. He tells me that I like to talk things apart."
"I wonder why he would think that about you?" Roland asked with a smile.
"Probably because once I start talking about a subject, I never shut up."
"Son, I was joking."
John grinned, "I know, but it's still true."
Father and son continued back to the house, where John stayed for a another hour before returning home. As he opened the door to the house, he could hear the phone begin to ring and he ran to answer it before the answering machine kicked in.
"Hello."
"It's me. I'm back in town. I'd really like to see you tonight." Peter's voice sounded thick with longing.
"I'm free for tonight. I'm glad you're back." John was smiling.
"Well, Mississippi wasn't too bad. I'll tell you all about it later. There's something I want you to do."
"Okay, what is it?"
"When you get to my place, run a hot bath and make sure you put a lot of baby oil in the water. Then I want you to find all the candles that you can and put them in the bathroom. Light them, then undress and get into the tub and wait for me."
John grinned, "I can do that. When did you get in?"
"I've been back for a while. We'll talk later. I'll see you soon. Bye."
"Bye."
Less than an hour later, John was in Peter's bathroom, resting his back against the cool porcelain of the tub. The din of the water obliterated all other noises, but the heat from it was soothing anyway. He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax, breathing deeply the scent from the candles that were scattered about the bathroom. The room was becoming steamy and John wondered how long he would have to wait until Peter returned home. He smiled as he remembered how Peter had sounded on the phone. Even though his voice had been thick with longing, he also sounded sad. Something was certainly on Peter's mind though, and John knew it wasn't him. He was so busy trying to figure out what it might be that he nearly jumped out of the water when the spigot was suddenly turned off.
"Jesus, Peter! You could have warned me that you were home."
Peter chuckled as he sat on the side of the tub and caressed John's cheek, "Sorry. I did call out to you when I came in the front door, but you didn't hear me."
Peter was already stripped down and he motioned for John to sit forward, then he stepped into the tub and settled himself behind John, bracketing his body with his legs. He pulled John back against him, lazily caressing him.
"I missed you," John said.
"I missed you, too. I had to sleep in this very small trailer and every night I imagined how nice it would have been to try to fit the two of us in that bed. I barely fit."
"So, things went all right then?"
"Yeah. Things worked out. The first few days were rough. I had no idea that people were still living in those type of conditions in this day and age. Some without water or electricity. Some who just simply couldn't read."
"You'd be surprised at how many people in the cities have the same problem. Gamma's foundation has worked with a lot of people who live under those circumstances. Things go wrong for them and they just can't keep up with their utility bills, then they get so far behind that their water and electric or gas get cut off. The cost to have it reconnected is staggering for them."
"It's something I never really thought about, I guess. Things sometimes got rough when I was growing up, especially after Pop died. But, the bills always got paid. Hey, guess what I did?"
"Emergency heart surgery?"
"For that, I would have needed a hospital, not a clinic. I delivered a baby. Breech birth even."
"No shit?" John twisted around to look at him, grinning. "You delivered a baby?"
"A beautiful baby girl. Mother and daughter were doing fine at the time I left. I also came back with some company. A young girl and her grandmother. The girl has a hole in her heart and the hospital is willing to donate the cost of her care and I've already convinced some surgeons to perform the surgery for free."
"They can't do that kind of surgery down there? Man, they must really be hard up."
"They can do it. I just felt as if I owed it to her. She's a diabetic who came to the clinic. I was so busy checking her glucose level that I never gave her a full exam. I missed the fact that she had a heart problem."
"If she came to you so you could check her glucose, you wouldn't have any reason to give her a full exam."
"I should have done it anyway. John, the level of care down there was appalling. Still, they get by."
"Well, for two weeks they had the best."
"I don't know about that. I felt like a fish out of water. You or Mark would have been much better for them."
"It sounds to me like you did a good job, Peter. The little girl is here getting the surgery she needs, right?"
"Yeah."
"And a healthy baby is now in this world, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then you did good. Now, there is one area where you've messed up."
"And what's that?"
"You haven't kissed me yet."
Peter cupped John's chin in his hand and turned his head around enough so that he could give him a long and thorough kiss on the lips.
"Is that better?"
John grinned, "You're getting there. You still seem a little down though."
"Are you sure you don't want to go into psychiatry?"
"I'm happy working in the E.R. You do seem sad. What's up?"
"I found out that Jeannie was back in the hospital. I went to see her. There are times when it seems as if God isn't dealing fairly with her."
"I know what you mean. Jeannie had enough to worry about without adding the hepatitis C to the mix. Things might be easier for her if her husband would come back from Atlanta."
"Maybe. I still can't understand why she's stayed with him."
"I guess she just loves him too much."
They were both silent for a little while, then John gathered up enough courage to ask, "Were you and Jeannie ever together?"
"Why do you ask that?"
John shrugged, "I dunno. It just seems like you're awfully concerned for someone that you just work with."
"Yeah. We had a brief affair. It was a long time ago, before she became a P.A. I wanted her to leave her husband and be with me all the time, but she wasn't ready to give up on her marriage then."
"It sounds to me like you really cared for her. I'm sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it too."
"Thanks. But, if I was still with Jeannie, then there wouldn't be a Reese. And there most certainly wouldn't be us. I'd rather have you." Peter lightly ran his tongue along the back of John's neck, sending shivers down John's spine.
"I don't suppose that you can manage to turn around?" Peter asked.
"I can certainly try." John got to his knees, then turned around in the tub to face Peter.
"I want you. Now." Peter's voice was thick with emotion.
John glanced down, seeing that Peter's erection was certainly confirming what Peter had just said. "We don't have any lubricant handy."
"Why do you think I told you to put baby oil in the bath? It'll do the trick."
"Either that or we'll break our necks trying." John laughed as he literally slid onto Peter's lap.
They stared into each other's eyes as John slowly lowered his body down the length of Peter's penis. Neither man realized that he had been holding his breath until they both needed to take deep breaths once John was fully settled on Peter.
Peter pulled John toward him and nuzzled his neck, licking and kissing his way to John's mouth. "I missed you so much," he said before he captured that mouth.
"I missed you, too," John breathed once the kiss ended.
Peter smiled sadly, then began to thrust upward, getting John caught up in their love-making before he could ask him any further questions.
When they could arrange the logistics, Peter much preferred having John on top. It made it so much easier to kiss him and he loved watching his face when he came. John had told him much the same thing. The pace of their coupling grew frantic until Peter finally bucked upward in one strong thrust and called out John's name as he came. John leaned against Peter's chest as Peter settled back into the tub, laying down as far as he could and letting the still warm water envelop them both. After Peter had a chance to catch his breath, he kissed the top of John's head.
John tilted his head to look up at Peter, "Still feeling sad?"
"A little. It'll pass. Get up on your knees."
"Why?"
Peter grinned, "Because I have a crazy idea and I want to see if it will work. Please get up on your knees."
John placed his hands on the tub behind Peter and pushed himself upright, then got to his knees, straddling Peter's legs. With Peter as far down as he could get in the tub and John up on his knees, John could very easily see just what Peter had in mind and he grinned. "I think that you're going to be a little too low."
"You just might be right." Peter said as he reached out and pulled John even closer to his face. He was a little too low to be able to take John's penis into his mouth, but not his balls. He gently took them into his mouth, letting his tongue massage them.
John arched his back, concentrating totally on the sensations that were emanating from his groin. Oh, he had most certainly missed Peter these past two weeks. His quiet contemplation of what his lover was doing to him was shattered when Peter let go of his balls and his tongue moved behind them. John had heard about rimming, but he had never imagined that it would feel like this. He grabbed the bar above the soap dish and held on as Peter assaulted his senses with his tongue and hands. He never noticed as Peter pulled himself up enough to be able to take him into his mouth. He only noticed when that warm mouth closed tightly over him. He was only in Peter's mouth for a few seconds before his climax racked his body. Peter hung on to his legs tightly, sucking him dry.
"I think we should take this to the bedroom," Peter suggested.
"Uh huh," John breathlessly answered.
"Now would be a good time," Peter said.
"Uh huh," John agreed.
Peter smiled, "Baby, I can't get out of here until you move."
"Sorry." John pulled himself to his feet, then turned around and bent down to pull the plug. He jumped as Peter reached up to caress him from behind.
"Sorry," Peter grinned as he stood.
"Yeah, sure." John tossed a towel to Peter, then reached for a towel for himself.
"Not so fast. I want to do that." Peter began to briskly rub the towel over John's back and chest. As the level of the water diminished, he was able to rub the towel lower and lower on John's body, paying close attention to his penis and nipples. By the time he was done, John was hard again, just as he knew he would be.
"God, you are so quick."
"Are you complaining?" John asked with a grin.
"Not at all. It's just that I've never really had to deal with an insatiable lover before."
"Me, either."
"Are you saying that I'm insatiable?" Peter demanded to know.
John ran a finger up Peter's rigid penis, "Looks like it to me."
"We definitely need to take this to the bedroom." Peter stepped out of the tub and quickly dried off while John doused the candles. The light in the bedroom was on and they had no trouble finding their way to the room, despite the darkness of the rest of the apartment. Standing beside the bed, the two embraced tightly, kissing each other passionately.
"Peter, do you think I could ever be in you?" John asked, blushing and hating himself for doing that.
"Of course. I should have suggested it earlier. Got any ideas about how you want to try this?" Peter grinned.
John thought about that for a while, "Well, have you ever had another man inside you?"
"Yes."
"Oh." John knew he sounded disappointed about that fact, but he tried not to show it.
Peter softly stroked the lower part of John's back, "Baby, I thought it was pretty obvious to you that I had been with other men."
"It was. I just didn't figure that you had done "that" with another man."
"I prefer to be the one on top, so to speak. I really like being in you. You are so damn responsive to whatever I do and that is a big turn on for me. I just assumed that you preferred being the recipient, but if you don't, then that's fine with me, too. We can find a good compromise."
John blushed again, "I do prefer to have you in me. I like it. A lot. A whole lot. But, I would like to know what it's like to be in you. To have you want me that way."
"I do want you that way. Pick the position and let's see just how much you like it."
John thought some more, then nodded, "I'd like for you to be on top, but I don't want to do it in the bed. Remember the time we did it in one of the dining room chairs?"
Peter nodded and squeezed John's butt, a smile on his face. Did he remember that? Oh, yeah. He remembered every single time that he and John had been together. Each movement John had made. Each time that John had called out his name. Each moan and gasp. Oh yeah, he remembered it all right.
"Then let's go get a chair." John said.
Peter grabbed the tube of lubricant and followed John out of the bedroom and waited until John had settled himself into one of the chairs. Then he knelt in front of him, parting John's legs so that he could move in closer. He stroked John's thighs, letting each successive stroke go higher until he was stroking John's balls and penis. Then he made sure that John was well lubricated before standing and handing the tube to John. "You'll have to do me."
"I do you all the time, Peter," John joked. He squeezed out the lubricant, then leaned forward so that he could slowly and carefully apply it to Peter. While doing so, he carefully slipped a finger inside Peter, something that he done many times while performing oral sex on him. This time though, the finger was a promise of what was to come. He smiled as he watched Peter close his eyes and throw his head back with a moan. Then he withdrew his finger and leaned back in the chair, sliding down until the edge of his buttocks were at the edge of the seat.
"Are you ready?" he asked, surprised at how nervous he sounded. He grasped his penis and held it upright.
Peter straddled him, then lowered himself onto John. He wasn't going to make the same mistake John had made the first time. He had no intention of letting John get all the way in on the first stroke. No, he knew that it would be more pleasurable for the both of them if this was taken slowly. He had forgotten just how good it felt to have a hard penis inside him, and he didn't have the entire length of John there yet. He looked down at John, who had his eyes closed and his hands resting on Peter's hips. As he slowly impaled himself on his lover, he watched a thousand different emotions cross John's face.
When Peter was finally full, he asked, "So, how do you like this so far?"
"I never imagined that you would be so damn tight! And hot. God, you are so warm inside."
"John, you've done enough rectal exams to know that it's warm in there." Peter grinned.
"This is a Hell of a lot different and you know it," John opened his eyes and stared up at Peter. "Are you ready?"
Peter grabbed the back of the chair, locked his knees and nodded. Then John began to pull out, only to slowly thrust back upward. As he increased the pace, the room was filled with their combined moans and murmurs.
John kept his hands off of Peter, because he didn't want to bring Peter to climax with his hand. The side benefit to this position in the chair was that once John was done, all Peter would need to do was stand while straddling the chair and John could use his mouth on him. At least that's the way it had worked for them when Peter was the person sitting in the chair. John let himself concentrate on the wonderful sensations he was feeling. He had not been lying when he had said he was surprised that Peter was so tight. He had never been inside a woman who was like that. Never. The friction created by that tightness was incredible and he vaguely wondered just how it was that Peter managed to hold onto his erection after two strokes. Just seeing the look in Peter's eyes and on his face as he was feeling his own pleasure increased John's desire ten times. His orgasm took him totally by surprise and his grip on Peter's hips tightened as he emptied into him.
Peter waited a few seconds, enjoying the feeling of having John inside him still, then he stood and let John bring him to climax. After he had come, he helped John get off of the chair and he pulled him close once more.
"So, how did you like that?" Peter asked after kissing John lightly on the lips.
John smiled, "I liked that a lot. I still like having you in me, too. We might have to try that a few more times before I can really make up my mind which way I like best."
Peter laughed, "Only a few more times, huh? I was thinking that we might have to try it at least once a week for the next fifty years or so before I can make up my mind."
"You liked it? I thought you said that..."
"I said that I generally preferred the other way. In the past, I never had you as my partner. I think that makes all the difference in the world. Let's go to bed now."
They returned to the bedroom and got under the covers, tired, but too wired up to go straight to sleep. Entwined in each other's arms, they decided to catch each other up on what had happened the past two weeks.
"So, what did you do while I was gone?" Peter asked.
"Worked. My parents came home for a visit. The only bad part was when the whole family had to get together for dinner at my grandparents' house."
"I know you must have enjoyed seeing your parents." Peter knew that John missed his parents a lot, even though he didn't talk about it that often. He wondered how they could find it so easy to stay away from their children. The two weeks he had spent away from Reese had been rough. He couldn't imagine putting Reese into a boarding school and then taking off for months at a time, only seeing him on holidays and summer break.
"We had a good time." John wasn't sure if he should tell Peter about the talk he had with his father. He knew he had felt embarrassed when he found out that Peter had told Carla about them being together, but he didn't know if Peter would feel the same way. He didn't know if Peter would understand that he had been having his doubts about their relationship. Doubts about himself.
Peter closed his eyes, but instead of seeing the image of John's face as he climaxed, which is what he usually saw, he could only see Jeannie's face. Could only hear her voice as she pushed his hand away from her face and told him that she was "poison". At the time, he had felt sad as he remembered the love they had shared. Now, he felt guilty for remembering that. He also felt guilty for thinking about Jeannie while John lay in his arms.
"When I was at the hospital earlier, I overheard a conversation between Lucy and Elizabeth. Lucy is still interested in you."
"She'll get over it."
"John, if there's anything you want to tell me, I can handle it. Really, I can."
John frowned, trying to figure out what Peter might be talking about. "No. Nothing much happened while you were gone."
"I would understand if you had gone out with Lucy to be friendly and then got caught up in the moment. You've never been with a man before me, so I wouldn't expect you to be ready to give up on women totally."
John sat up and looked down at Peter, feeling hurt and confused as the meaning of what Peter was saying dawned on him. "Are you accusing me of having sex with Lucy Knight while you were gone?"
"I know she's been after you. Flirting with you. I heard her admit that much to Elizabeth. Relax, John. I'm not upset. I told you that I understand. After I was with my first man, I had a few doubts about my sexuality and I went out to bed as many women as I could, just to prove to myself that I was still a man and interested in women. It's no big deal."
John looked away, trying to fight back the anger that was building up inside him. When he turned his head back to look at Peter, the anger was very evident in his eyes and voice, "Look, I have never cheated on anyone that I've been with. The closest I've ever come to cheating on someone was when I kissed Lucy but had not yet broken up with Roxanne. When I told you that I loved you, I meant it, Peter. I thought you meant it as well."
"I do. I love you a lot."
"Then how can you sit there and basically tell me that you expected me to cheat on you while you were gone? Hell, Peter, I told my father about us. You and me. Us. I worked up enough nerve to tell him that I was in love with another man and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And you tell me that you expected me to be out fucking Lucy Knight?"
John threw back the covers and got out of bed, trying to remember where he had left his clothes. He hoped they were in the bathroom.
"John, please get back in bed."
"No. I'm too angry to stay here tonight, Peter. As a matter of fact, maybe we should spend a few days apart until you can figure out just why it is that you don't trust me. I don't think that I'm asking for too much there, do you? If you love me, then you should trust me." John did find his clothes in the bathroom and he hurriedly dressed, then went out to the living room to get his shoes and coat. He didn't pay much attention to the fact that Peter was following him from room to room. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he never noticed Peter was near him until he spoke.
"I do trust you," Peter said as he reached out to hug John.
John slipped away from him. "Don't touch me right now. It'll only make things more difficult. I know that you think you love me, but if you can't leave my side for two weeks and not have any trust in me, then I have to doubt whether you really do love me." He shoved his feet into his shoes, then grabbed his coat from the chair. At the door, he turned back to look at Peter. The light from the bedroom was shining on him and John could see that Peter was upset. He was glad that Peter couldn't see the tears in his eyes.
"You need to think about how you feel about us. About me. While you were gong, I never once worried that you would end up in bed with someone else. Not once. Why couldn't you have had the same trust in me? Think about it, Peter. I do love you, but I can't stay with you if you can't trust me." John fumbled with the locks, unable to see them clearly through his tears. He finally got the door opened and stepped out into the bright hallway, pulling the door closed with a finality that stabbed him to his heart. He was so afraid that he had gone too far and that Peter would decide that he really didn't love him after all. But, there was no way that he could live with the knowledge that Peter didn't trust him. He wiped his tears away, then headed for the train station and home, hoping that Kerry wasn't around to ask him what was wrong.
Peter watched the door close and wondered if he should get dressed and go after John. He had never doubted John's fidelity, he had only said those things because he had felt guilty over thinking about Jeannie. How in the Hell could he tell that to John? This was not the way the evening was supposed to end. He had missed John so much while he was in Mississippi. So much that it hurt. He had come home determined to find some way to convince John to move him with him so that they wouldn't have to spend any unnecessary time apart. So much for that idea. He'd be lucky if John even as much as looked at him during the next few days.
Peter went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed, considering all his options. He could chase after John, hoping to catch him at the station. That might result in a scene of some kind, which would only anger John even more. Forget that option. He could give John a few days to cool off, then attempt to talk to him. Maybe by then he would have found some way to tell him that he had only said those things so that he wouldn't feel guilty about the thoughts that had been running around in his own head. Hell, if he could tell John that in a few days, why not now? Peter dressed in some fresh clothes, grabbed his coat and keys and left. He knew he could get to John's place before John. If Kerry wasn't home to let him in, then he would sit outside on the porch and wait for John. There was no way that he was going to let John get away. Not now. Not ever.
Peter rang the bell and waited nervously for Kerry to open the door Her car was parked out front, so he knew she was home. Unless she had car trouble of some kind. Much to his relief, the door opened and Kerry greeted him warmly, although she was clearly surprised to see him.
"Come on in," she said. "Can I get you some coffee or something?"
Peter squeezed past her and into the house. "No thanks. I'm here to see John."
Kerry looked at him guardedly for a moment, then smiled and nodded, "I see. You're the reason that he's been so moody and edgy these past two weeks, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I suppose I am."
"John's not here, Peter. He wasn't here when I got home and I don't have any idea when he'll be back."
"Probably in about ten or fifteen minutes. It depends on how soon he caught a train once he got to the station near my place."
"Ah, I see. You two had a fight."
"Something like that. He was pretty angry with me when he left. I just can't let it go at that."
"I don't blame you. John Carter is a great man and a wonderful catch. I wouldn't want to risk losing him either. Why don't you wait for him in the living room? I was on my way upstairs to take a long, relaxing bath. I won't be back downstairs until the morning." Kerry smiled, "It was good to see you again, Peter."
Kerry started up the stairs, hoping that Peter and John would be able to work through whatever differences they had.
"Thanks, Kerry."
"Good luck," she called back over her shoulder.
Once Kerry was out of sight, Peter sat down. He tried to think of what he would say to John and how he would say it. He was still deep in thought when he heard a key in the door. With his heart in his throat, he stood as the door opened and then he and John were face to face.
John was more than shocked to find Peter standing there in Kerry's living room. He shut the door and carefully locked it, trying to avoid talking to, or looking at, Peter.
"John, we need to talk."
"Where's Kerry?"
"She went to take a bath. She won't be able to hear us. John, would you at least look at me?" Peter couldn't keep the pleading tone out of his voice.
John looked up at him, "Okay. I'm looking at you. What do you want to talk about, Peter? Did you want to ask me if Kerry and I are having a sexual relationship? Or maybe you think that I was working my way through the nurses at the hospital?"
"No. None of that. I never should have said those things to you about Lucy. I was wrong and I knew I was wrong the minute I said them. I never once thought that you would cheat on me. I said those things because I was feeling guilty and I thought that the best defense would be a good offense. I attacked you unfairly and I'm sorry."
"Why were you feeling guilty?"
"When I saw Jeannie today, it brought back a lot of memories for me. Some sad. Most of them good. She wouldn't even let me touch her when I wanted to wipe away her tears. When you asked me about her, I told you that I had been in love with her. My feelings for her were strong, so strong that I guess I do still care about her. But, I love you. I'm with you. I want to stay with you."
"So you're telling me that you love me so much that when you felt guilty about remembering a past relationship that you lashed out at me?" John shook his head, then sat down on the couch. "Aren't you the man who told me that the past didn't matter? All that mattered was the here and now and our future together?"
Peter looked down at his hands, feeling even lower than he did before, "Yeah. I told you that. I'm sorry, John. Can you forgive me?"
"Peter, I have no problem accepting the fact that you loved other people or that you were with other people. If I had a problem with that, then I wouldn't be able to be around Reese, now would I?"
"No."
"I love you."
"I know. I love you. The question was if you could forgive me for being an asshole and a jerk?"
"Gee, let me think about that one for a little while. It's not like you've never been one before, especially toward me."
"I know. I've tried my best to make all that up to you."
"You're more than succeeded. But, this time..." John shook his head. He was more than ready to forgive Peter for anything and everything under the sun, but he didn't want Peter to know that. At least not yet.
Peter sat down beside John and cupped his cheek with his hand, "I will make it up to you, John. I promise you that."
"All I want is for you to trust me."
"I do."
"And for you to not be afraid of your memories."
"I'll try."
"And for you to be honest with me, to share things with me."
Peter grimaced, "The honest part I can do. The sharing part might be more difficult. I'll try."
John smiled, "I guess I can accept that."
"Thank you. I'll do my best not to let you down." Peter leaned forward and tenderly kissed John on the lips. John's arms encircled him, holding him close as he deepened the kiss.
"Now, I think we should go back to your place and see how many other ways you can think of to make this up to me," John said.
Peter shook his head, "I don't think so. There's a perfectly good bed in the basement."
"Uh, what about Kerry?"
"I don't want to make love with Kerry. I want to make love with you."
"I mean, won't she get suspicious if you're still here in the morning?"
"No. She basically gave me permission to spend the night. She knows that we're a couple, John. She asked me if I was the reason you were so moody and edge these past two weeks."
"And you told her yes?"
"Of course I did. Then she told me what a really great person you are and how lucky I am to have you. After that, she said she was going upstairs to take a very long bath and that she wouldn't be back downstairs until the morning. I don't think she'd be upset to find me at the breakfast table."
John blushed at that thought and Peter smiled. He had a feeling that he was going to have to do a lot of convincing in order to get John to agree to move in with him. He was certain that John wanted to be with him, but John still had his insecurities about other people knowing they were together. What a pity that Doug Ross had moved to the West Coast. Peter could have told him that he and John were in love and a couple and within hours the entire hospital would have known. It would have made things a lot simpler.
Peter stood, "I think we should go to bed."
"I need to get the lights. The door for the basement is in the kitchen."
"I've seen it before." Kerry had given Peter a short tour of the house when he and Lucy had been invited to dinner.
"I'll be right down." John promised as he stood and began to turn off the lights. When he got to his room, Peter already had the covers turned back and was sitting on the bed, taking off his shoes. He had thrown his coat over the back of the chair so John put his there as well.
"It's cold down here." Peter complained.
"It's not so bad once you get under the covers. It's when you have to get out from under the covers that the cold hits you hard."
"It's not the cold that has me hard right now, John."
"I thought you wanted to sleep," John smiled.
Peter shook his head, "I said we should go to bed. I never mentioned sleep." He reached out and pulled John to him, falling back on the bed so that John fell on top of him.
John lost all sense of time as he and Peter made love. It seemed as if an eternity had passed since Peter had rolled him over to his stomach and slowly entered him. Twice now John had been on the verge of a climax, but Peter had a firm grip on the shaft of his penis and every time he was ready to come, Peter had moved his hand to tightly squeeze the area where John's testicles were joined to his body, effectively cutting off the flow of semen. The result was that John had the orgasms, but no ejaculation and no lessening of his arousal. The second orgasm had been more intense than the first and John knew the next one would be even better. Every now and then, Peter would stop and just rest against his back. John figured that Peter was trying to keep his own climax from happening. One time he thought that he should tell Peter about his own technique for remaining hard, but it was a fleeting thought. It didn't matter anyway, because John could no longer talk coherently. Oh, there were sounds coming from his throat and mouth, but they bore no resemblance to any language. He had been reduced to a pre-civilized state, devoid of language and reason. His only awareness being the beating of his own heart and the slow and firm thrusting of the man behind him. Rational thought was impossible as waves of pleasure radiated from his anus to his brain, then back down to settle in his groin. The waves were coming faster now, gaining intensity as his orgasm neared.
Peter smiled as he felt John's scrotum contract and begin to recede into his body, telling him that John was about to come. Not that he needed any physical sign to tell him that. The noises coming from John were increasing and Peter knew his lover wouldn't be able to take much more of this. It was just as well, because he couldn't take much more either. He would let John come this time. But, not yet. There was still something he wanted to ask John and he was more than willing to take advantage of John's diminished mental state in order to get the answer he wanted. Peter began to pull out of John, leaving only the tip of his penis inside. He waited to see how long it would take for John to figure out that he had stopped. It wasn't a long wait.
John had been teetering on the edge, getting ready to cross over to sweet release when Peter practically pulled out and stopped. Every fiber in John's body screamed with frustration and John instinctively tried to push his hips back, seeking Peter. But, Peter had him pinned to the mattress and was holding him there, preventing any movement on his part.
"No," a strangled whisper escaped John's mouth.
"Do you want to come now?" Peter asked.
"Yes," John's voice was thick with desire and he was close to tears. "Please."
"I want to be with you all the time. Will you move in with me? Tell me yes, John."
"Yes!" John cried. He would say yes to anything if it would result in Peter finishing what he had started. "Yes, oh God, yes! Yes, yes, yes."
Peter shifted position and began to enter John once more. It proved to be the undoing for them. Peter came as he began to thrust and he pushed forward quickly. He had been so close for so many different times that he thought he would never stop coming.
A redness entered John's mind as his orgasm hit with so much force that a scream arose in his throat. He never noticed it when Peter's hand covered his mouth, all he cared about was the sweet feeling of release as he was finally able to ejaculate and he rode the crest of pleasure to the warm afterglow of sex. He lay still upon the wet sheet, barely breathing as his heart raced.
"Baby, are you all right?" Peter removed his hand from John's mouth and rolled him over, afraid that he might have deprived John of much needed oxygen when he was trying to keep them from awakening Kerry.
John slowly smiled, "That was fucking fantastic."
Peter laughed, "Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?"
"Give me a few hours and we can try it again."
Peter scoffed at that remark, "Baby, there's no way I'll be recovered enough to try anything in few hours. But, since you're moving in with me, we'll have plenty of opportunity to do this often."
Peter reached down to the foot of the bed, searching for the covers, then he pulled them up over them and snuggled next to John. "It's freezing down here."
"I wasn't cold a minute ago."
"I don't think you were even here a minute ago." Peter placed his hand on John's chest, feeling the still rapid beat of his heart. A heart that truly belonged to him. He grinned, then began to play with one of John's nipples. "So, how long will it take you to pack?"
"To pack what?" John asked. He was having trouble following Peter's change of topic, mainly because Peter was making it difficult for him to think again.
"To pack all your stuff. I want to move you in as soon as possible."
"Move me in where?"
"To my place. You agreed to move in with me, remember?"
"When?"
"Right before you came."
"I don't remember that."
"Well, you did. I asked you to move in with me. I believe your answer was 'Yes. Yes, oh God, yes.' There were a couple of more yes's in there, but I think you get the picture."
"I can't just move out, Peter. It wouldn't be fair to Kerry."
Peter scowled, "What kind of lease do you have?"
"Month to month, but I need to give her thirty days notice."
Peter smiled then, "That's not a problem. It's the end of February, you can give notice in the morning and pay for March. That will give her plenty of time to find a new boarder."
"But, if I pay her for March, then I can't help you out with your rent."
"I've already paid my March rent. I think we can start moving you in tomorrow." Peter lowered his mouth to the nipple nearest him and slowly sucked on it, pulling it upward and then lightly nipping it with his teeth.
"Um, Peter, if you aren't going to be recovered for a long time, then you probably shouldn't be doing that."
"Why not? I doubt if you're going to be able to do anything any time soon either."
"Guess again." John grabbed Peter's hand and placed it upon his obviously hard penis. He grinned at Peter's surprised expression.
"Damn, you are insatiable, aren't you?"
"I believe you've made that observation before."
"I was joking about it then. I'm not joking now. Well, let's see just how long you can last this time."
"I thought you couldn't get it up any more?" John's grin was wicked.
"I can't. But, my hands and mouth are in great shape." To prove his point, Peter captured John's other nipple in his mouth, giving it the same treatment its twin had received.
John sighed and resigned himself to the fact Peter had no intention of letting him get to sleep any time soon. As Peter's hands moved lower, John smiled, realizing that for the first time in his life, he was truly happy. And it was all due to the man who was driving him into a frenzy. He squeezed Peter's shoulders and Peter looked up at him.
"I love you, Peter Benton."
Peter grinned, content now that John had agreed to live with him. He would not be alone anymore. "John Truman Carter, I love you with all of my heart and soul." Then he lowered his head and took John into his mouth, reveling in the moans that elicited from John. John was his and he was John's and they would never, ever, be alone again.