Carefully making his way up the stairs, John found himself hoping and wishing that Kerry hadn't changed her mind in the time that he'd been gone. He was so close to the object of his desire -- so close to making his dreams come true, that he was afraid he would reach her room and find her dressed and coldly dismissive. He was so lost in those thoughts that he didn't see her sitting on the stairs until he tripped over her, hitting the steps with a loud "Oomph."
Kerry was lost somewhere in imagining the entire hospital knowing she'd thrown herself at a resident and been rejected by him. The sympathetic looks Carter would get. Snide comments from Romano about sexual harassment. Whispers in the lounge. It would be horrible, awful. And she'd deserve it all.
Then she was suddenly hit from below by a solid warm body. It was John - it had to be. He'd come back! She put her arms about the nearest part of him. And an unintentional sob hiccuped its way out of her.
Even as John's brain was registering the pain against his shins from where they had connected with the oaken steps, he heard Kerry's sob and it terrified him to know he had hurt her. He felt her arms around his hips as she was obviously trying to get him away from her body.
"God, Kerry, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you sitting here. God, I'm such a klutz. Are you badly hurt?" John reached out in the darkness and felt her hair, and then his hands found her face. There was a wetness there, but it wasn't sticky, so John figured it had to be her tears and not blood. "Kerry?"
John was touching her face and his voice was tender. "I'm fine." But as she spoke another unbidden sob erupted out of her. "Just fine. Are you okay?" The tears kept on coming - she didn't want them. They shouldn't be here, it was good, he'd come back.
John nodded, then remembered she couldn't see that. "I'm okay. A little bruised, but that's what I deserve for hurrying through a dark house, huh?" John ran his fingers through her hair. "You're sure that you're okay? I thought I hurt you since you..." John didn't complete that sentence since he knew how much Kerry Weaver hated it when others knew she was vulnerable.
"I've got the condoms." John finally said. "Twelve of them. That is, if you're still interested..." John gripped the box tightly in his other hand. The various knocks and scrapes he had acquired had put an end to his erection, but he knew it wouldn't take much to get it back. That is, if Kerry still wanted him.
Kerry tilted her head back as John's hand ran across her scalp. It felt good - but every way he touched her felt good. After another shaky breath she managed to regain control. Carter was back, and with condoms - he obviously wanted things to go on a while longer. "Twelve?" She managed a chuckle. "Think you can get through them all?"
John laughed. "I doubt it, but I'm willing to try my best. Think you can handle that?"
Kerry smiled in the darkness, "Yes," but after a moment's thought she added. "You don't need to do this. You can walk away and it won't affect your evaluations at all. I promise." Kerry swallowed, then held her breath.
It was true - doubly true. She didn't want Carter to think he had to do this. And she didn't want someone who was only after a few extra credits.
John's hand stilled in Kerry's hair as the meaning of her words sunk in. "Oh, Kerry. No." He maneuvered on the steps until he was sitting directly below her, putting them as close to being face to face as he could manage in the darkness. He set the box of condoms on the step and reached out to caress her face with his hands. "Kerry, I've had dreams about you, I fantasize about you. Hell, half the time when I was with Roxanne, it was your face and your body in that bed with me. This has nothing to do with evaluations or a feeling that I *need* to do this." He leaned forward until their lips softly met. "I want you, Kerry Weaver. All of you. The need I have for this is one of desire and not advancement. I would never use you. Never." John whispered against her mouth. "Never."
Kerry let Carter pull her close. She wiggled even closer herself. He'd come back by his own choice, and said he didn't want advantage from her - and a Carter would scarcely get extra money from her. She kissed him, then moulded her body against his own - if the stairs hadn't been extremely uncomfortable staying right here would have been a good option in her book. "Maybe we should move." Even as she spoke being able to say *we* gave her a small thrill - he wasn't going to leave, not tonight.
"I think that's a good idea. Here, hold this." John shoved the box of condoms at her, then scooped her up in his arms and carefully got to his feet. He had made it up the stairs with her once before and was confident he could make it up them safely one more time. "You've got the condoms in hand?" He asked, not wanting to take another step unless he knew they had everything they needed.
Kerry put her arms securely around Carter's neck, the condoms safe in her left hand. "Yes." It seemed like she should say something else so she added. "Your room or mine?"
"Well, the oysters and champagne are in your room. And my room is now a little messy..." John grinned. "I think it had better be your room. Tonight."
"Tonight?" Kerry couldn't help asking as he started to move. That had to mean that he wanted more than tonight - it had to. Kerry didn't know if him wanting more was good or bad, but she knew that she wanted to hear him say it out loud.
As John ascended the stairs he nodded once again. "That's right. Tonight. Tomorrow night we can try out my bed. That's okay with you, isn't it?"
Kerry nodded. She didn't know if it was okay. It was wrong - very wrong - to sleep with a resident. But it felt so right, and she didn't want anything to make this stop. "Tomorrow, your bed." Kerry blushed as she spoke - saying out loud that she wanted there to be a tomorrow felt immodest. But there was nothing very modest about being carried naked up the stairs holding a box of condoms. Kerry kissed the shoulder near her - thinking was hard, appreciating John's body was much easier.
John wanted to shout out to the world how happy he was to hear Kerry admit that she wanted more than one night with him. But he held it in. There would be time later to shout. Having made it to the top of the stairs, John walked to Kerry's room, the soft light a beacon. He lowered her to the bed, ever so gently as he wasn't entirely convinced that he hadn't harmed her when he fell on her. He was once more hard, but he wanted to make sure that Kerry was more than ready for him. Besides, he thought, I can check her over without her knowing what I'm doing. There was no way that Kerry could ever mistake his caresses and kisses for anything clinical. And he would be able to reassure himself that she was unhurt.
"I missed this," John said as he sat down on the bed, then leaned over to nuzzle Kerry's neck. "You taste so good, Kerry. And you feel good, too." John let his hands roam over her shoulders and down her arms, then to her sides and up to her breasts. They had to linger there a bit before proceeding to her collarbone and then down to her hips. "So very good, " John murmured as his lips followed his hands down Kerry's body.
There was something very debauched in lying naked on a bed and having a handsome young man look at you, and run his hands and mouth possessively over your body. Something wonderfully debauched. Kerry smiled, then touched Carter's chest herself - running her hands over that smooth and strong skin. However debauched to lie here was, it was even more so to lie with him between your legs, and his body covering yours. Kerry pushed her legs apart to give him room to do just that.
******
John let his hand stroke Kerry's arm, softly so he wouldn't wake her. At least he thought she was asleep. Her breathing was soft and even and she had certainly been through a lot since they had left the house for the Navy Pier. He turned his head slightly to look at the clock, amazed at how little time had passed since they had gone to enjoy the fair and the fireworks. So much had happened to them both -- changed them. At least he felt changed. He kissed the top of Kerry's head and nestled his cheek against her head. It felt so right to have her lying there in the curve of his arm, her body molded tightly against his.
John thought back to when they were on the Ferris Wheel and he was making love to her -- how right it had felt and how much he wanted to be able to do that every night with Kerry. At the time he thought that would be it, one time with Kerry. Something to treasure for the rest of his life. But now...the things they had said on the stairs indicated that they would have more than one night. John grinned at the thought of spending every night like this with Kerry.
He shifted position slightly, then jerked as his hip found the edge of the wet spot. His grin grew wider as he thought of how he would go about convincing Kerry that they should get a king-sized bed. There would be less worry about wet spots in a larger bed.
Kerry opened her eyes slightly. She was feeling tired, and stretched and satiated. Very very satiated. There was a wonderfully warm body next to her. A warm body, not some imaginary cold pipe. A warm body belonging to John Truman Carter. John who she didn't want to leave her bed, not tonight, and not ever. She knew all about this - the *do you love me?* aftermath, and how the question was always avoided or dodged. It seemed to be a curse of biology for women to feel this way after sex but not men. It wasn't fair, but many things in life weren't fair. She avoided that question and settled for an easier one, "What is it?" Her hand reached for him, and tangled in his hair, wanting to keep him close for as long as possible.
"Sorry." John turned his head slightly and managed to kiss a part of Kerry's arm. "I didn't mean to wake you. There's this very cold and sticky spot over on my side of the bed," he said with a laugh. "Did you have a nice nap?" He brought his hand up to touch her face while the hand that had been satisfied before with stroking her arm drifted down to caress Kerry's hip.
"Oh." Kerry gave a hint of a laugh. "The wet spot. You're real, and you don't like the wet spot." She snuggled closer to him. He was real, and for tonight he was hers.
"Real? Of course I'm real, Kerry. Every inch of me." John hugged Kerry closer, trying his best to make sure they had total skin to skin contact.
"Yeah, real, not like...." Not like those pipes which had been her only accompaniment to sex for a long time. Kerry shook her head slightly - she wanted to think about John in her bed, warm and alive - not those pipes. "There wouldn't be a wet spot, if you'd knotted the condom fast enough."
John laughed. "Oh, sure, go ahead and blame it on me." He planted a quick kiss on the top of her head. "I was thinking though, that we should invest in a larger bed. Then accidents like that won't be a problem."
"A bigger bed?" Kerry pulled back, half tensing. "We?" She put the statement through her head, parsing it a dozen ways, and running through the implications. "You want to stay?"
"I already live here, Kerry." John reminded her. "But I'd like to keep sharing your bed. Do you have a problem with that?" He smoothed down her hair as he waited for her answer. A few hours ago she didn't seem to have a problem with it -- Kerry had been rather happy when he said that they would make love in his bed the next night. But it had been dark and he hadn't been able to see her face then when she said that. Had they been empty words? Or had her heightened sense of propriety overcome her heart?
Kerry stayed stiff for a moment, then shook her head, and moved closer to him. "No. I'd like that." She wrapped her arm over him. "I shouldn't like it." A moment later she added, "But I would."
"Good. I like the idea, too." John nodded. Then he grinned as he remembered something else Kerry had said. "So...going back to that 'real' remark. What is it that I'm not like? Or was it a person?" He could recall jokes about why cucumbers were better than men, but he wasn't sure if Kerry was that wild. Though he had heard a few rumors about her and Ellis West. It wasn't as if he had room to complain about any experimentation on Kerry's part considering all the fun he'd had with past girlfriends. Past girlfriends. For the first time John actually liked the way that sounded. His grin grew wider. "Well? What am I *not* like? Cucumbers? Bowling trophies? Gel-filled sex toys? What?"
"Bowling trophies?" They'd seen some weird things in the ER but that was one that Kerry hadn't come across. She moved her head so she could look up at John in the early morning light. He looked wonderful: young, handsome, full of life, and he had a smile that could break her heart.
As Kerry lay there she realised she was making a decision, a big decision. She could crack a joke - French bread, almost any kind of dildo imaginable - and everything would be just fine, the moment would pass, they'd have sex - good sex, and eventually they'd part, probably as friends. Or she could tell him the truth - the boring and unromantic and stupid truth, the sounds in the pipes - if she said that then things would be different. He might laugh at her, or he might kiss her, or he might do a million other things. And if they parted it would be worse, much worse - but the parting would only be an *if* not a certainty. Whatever happened there would be *more*.
Kerry looked up at John, as the morning light grew stronger on his face, then finally muttered. "Pipes. Pipes aren't real."
"Pipes?" Now John was confused again. What did pipes have to do with sex? With him? "Pipes? I'm lost here." John admitted. He looked down at Kerry and smiled. "Care to elaborate on that a bit more?"
Kerry shrugged a bit defensively, she'd said it and he hadn't laughed, but he hadn't done anything else either. She looked away from his face. "It's just been a while - you saw those condoms. And...and sometimes when the water's going downstairs the pipes groan like sex." Kerry was silent for a second then added, "Orgasm." She might as well use the real words for it, she wasn't an embarrassed teenager - however much she felt like one. "And I...." Kerry found herself trailing off, then added limply but determinedly, "used it sometimes."
Kerry's words slowly sunk into John's brain and then he began to laugh. "Oh, my God."
John's laughter confirmed Kerry's worst fears. This was going to be dreadful; it had all been a catastrophic mistake. She tensed up miserably. She knew that eventually people stopped laughing. It would pass - it always did.
Despite the hilarity of the moment, John was also a little embarrassed over the fact that Kerry had heard him getting off in the shower. "Those...that...it wasn't the water in the pipes, Kerry. You heard just what you thought you heard." John smiled. "Hey, if you, um, used that sound sometimes, then that means we were kind of having sex with each other...in a way...right?"
Kerry slowly relaxed on hearing John's words. "It was you?" Maybe this wasn't so bad. She breathed, inhaling John's scent. "You? We?..." She grinned slowly, "Maybe." If he was telling the truth, but why would he lie? "If that's so, what makes you go *Ohh, Ohhh, Ummmm* close to the start?"
John could feel his cheeks redden and he was glad that it was still early enough for colors to be indiscernible. "I do that? Oh." John wasn't sure how much honesty Kerry wanted at that point. But, they had engaged in sex while in public, so he really had nothing to be ashamed about admitting. "It's because it starts out with you giving me head and it just feels so good."
Kerry reached down Carter's body and found his cock - it was warm to her touch, but not hard. It had given her a lot of pleasure in the last few hours. "We haven't really done that, have we? Just a little on the wheel."
"No, we haven't." The touch of Kerry's hand was like fire on his skin. "We have plenty of time for that, don't we? I know there are a few things I didn't get around to fully doing to you." John felt brave, and he continued, " So, what makes you get off in the shower, Kerry? Who do you think about and what is he doing to you?"
Kerry shrugged. "No-one. Just the pipes. The copper heats up fast. And steel's hard. And concrete's a bit rough. You'd be....," Kerry didn't know, she felt his skin next to her skin, and his cock in her hand. "Titanium maybe. It's beautiful and precious and strong." Then she shook her head. "No, you're real. That's better."
"Better than titanium, huh?" John felt himself grow hard under Kerry's touch. "I like the sound of that."
Kerry wanted to make John groan for her, the way his fantasy of her had. And he was getting hard. She repeated, "Titanium" then looked around for wherever the condoms had gone to.
The condoms were sitting on the nightstand by a very bedraggled looking tiger. He was sticky and dirty and his fur was matted.
Kerry shifted over to get a condom, then seeing the tiger smiled and picked him up too. "Ferris."
John reached out for the tiger. "I think Ferris needs a bath...or a shower." He grinned at Kerry, already anticipating what she was going to do once that condom was out of the package.
Kerry smiled then shook her head handing the toy to him. "Maybe." She shifted down the bed cautiously. Kerry was aware that after yesterday her hip might be sore and prone to seizing up but so far so good. She settled herself as comfortably as possible, and unrolled the condom onto John, then looked up at him. "So tell me about this head I give?"
John smiled down at Kerry as he reached out to run his hand though her hair. "It's fantastic, but you're asking for details, huh?" He had to close his eyes then to try to conjure up the images that would run through his mind during those showers. "Well, your tongue...your tongue teases the tip for a bit before you take me into your mouth. It's so hot and wet in there. Tight. Your lips are tight against my skin as you slowly move your mouth down me. That's what makes me moan."
Okay, tongue teasing tip - Kerry could do that. She lapped around the very tip. She wanted to make John groan for the real her, like he had for the fantasy her. She wanted reality to be as good as fiction. She wanted no sordid facts of reality and geometry and friction to stop what was happening. So lap the tip of the cock, make hopes and reality coincide.
John moaned as he felt Kerry's tongue tight against his organ. So very tight and hot. "Oh, God, Kerry. Don't stop. Please don't stop."
Tight. He wanted tight and warm. And Kerry could smell the musk he emitted and feel the springiness of his wiry pubic hair. And that he was large and hard. And she needed to go slowly down the cock pleasuring him.
Brrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg.
John jerked as a loud clanging noise went off near his ear. His arm flailed out in the direction of the noise and came in contact with an alarm clock. Damn. "It's for you," John said as he tossed the clock to the middle of the bed. If he were very lucky, Kerry would pick up the clock and toss it out the window.
Kerry hit out at the clock. This was supposed to be a fantasy, not reality. The morning had come too soon. She wanted, needed, this to be good. She needed John to want to come back. He'd said last night that tonight ended when the alarm clock rang. It was ringing; she hit out at it again.
"Kerry," John said as he lifted his head to watch her beat at the offending clock. "I think it's dead now."
Kerry looked at it, then up at John. She rested her head on the mattress, embarrassed by her reaction. She muttered softly, "Sorry. Didn't want it to end." She turned over, and began to get up. "It has I guess."
"Looks like it. Think we have time to risk showering together? I promise to be a good boy," John said with a huge grin as he sat up.
Kerry looked at him indecisively - but she wanted this, and she knew she wanted it. She had to take a risk. "Yes, you can shower with me." She looked around for her crutch, and realised that it wasn't there, and her cane had been left on the staircase, still she could walk if she was careful. She limped slowly toward her ensuite. "This way."
John got up off the bed and followed Kerry to her bathroom. Once inside, he peeled off the condom and deposited it in the trashcan. "Maybe we can talk about my showers after we get home tonight. I get off shift at six, what about you?"
"Your showers?" Kerry turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. She felt embarrassed standing here, naked, in the full early morning light, but she didn't try to cover up. It would be better if she found out sooner rather than later if he found her body repugnant. "I'm...I'm on the day shift. Six to six." She stood, tensely, and waited for some comment about her weak leg.
John stepped behind Kerry and wrapped his arms around her, molding her body to his. "No use you freezing while waiting for the water to get hot. The least I can do it keep you warm until that hot water heater kicks in." He would have loved to stand like that all day long, but knew it was impossible. Still, he could at least pretend they could stay like that. "We're on the same shift today. That was some thoughtful planning on your part, Kerry. But I guess we're going to have to be careful about that in the future, aren't we? We can't always be on the same shifts or people will get suspicious." He tightened his arms around her. "I don't want to do anything to ever jeopardize your career, Kerry. You've worked too hard and too long to get to where you are and I won't be the person responsible for making you lose it all."
Kerry turned around in John's arms until she faced him. It felt so good to be held, but there were things that needed to be said whatever happened in the future. John was right to talk about them - time was moving - and last night needed to be worked somehow into the future - whatever future it was that she, or they, had. "After...last night, I won't evaluate you. Even, when, if...." Kerry shook her head. "Mark will write all your evaluations from now on." That was one thing. "If, what, would....the regulations say we should go to Anspaugh, and tell him about this. Do we?" Kerry shrugged hopelessly - there didn't seem to be a good option. Every instinct told her that she should tell nobody on earth what they'd done last night.
John sighed as he stroked Kerry's hair. He could still remember what it felt like to be in a relationship that had to be kept hidden for fear that his lover would lose her job and have her career ruined. While it had sometimes been exciting to sneak around the surgical floor to get to Abby, John hadn't liked the secrecy. Not then and not now. "I think we do go to Anspaugh. Sneaking around will only make things worse for us if they ever find out we're together. It's not as if you're the only Attending in the ER, so you don't have to supervise me. I know you wanted to be Chief of Emergency Medicine, Kerry, but since Anspaugh put Romano in charge...even temporarily, well, I don't see it happening any time soon. I'm sorry that it didn't happen for you, but in a way I'm also glad, because if you were Chief, then this...us...we...would be an impossibility, wouldn't it?"
Kerry nodded. She hated the idea of Romano knowing - she knew the kind of comments she'd get from him. There was steam billowing out of the shower, she stepped into it - feeling the hot water encase her. "Probably. Yes." There was a ray of hope though - for all that Romano was Acting Chief he wasn't about much. "Do you think Anspaugh will tell anyone?" She looked up at him, and gave a sudden smile. "Could be worse. At least Doug's not here."
John stepped into the shower behind Kerry, laughing at her comment about Doug Ross. "The mouth of County General? I think we're very lucky that he's not around, although if Jerry should ever find out about it then the whole hospital will know by the next morning. Luckily for us, Jerry's not as quick as Doug was at spreading the news." John grabbed the soap and lathered Kerry's back. "I think Anspaugh will keep it quiet if we ask him to. He wouldn't really need to tell Romano would he? Or anyone else, although we probably should at least tell Mark since you're planning on having him do me."
Kerry suddenly laughed. This was supposed to be good. There would be problems at work, but they were manageable. "I thought this was about me doing you."
John grinned. "Yeah, but I thought that had to wait until tonight." He slowly got to his knees, then began to lather Kerry's legs, starting with her good one. As he was about to work the soap onto her other leg, he looked up at her, blinking quickly to keep the water out of his eyes. "I don't want to hurt you. If I put too much pressure on your leg, let me know, okay?"
Kerry nodded. She was nervous about him touching the poor leg. But it had felt wonderful when he washed her back. She wasn't used to having a man tend her body. It was obviously something that she'd need to get used if this was going to work, and she wanted this to work. She nodded. "Go ahead."