Author/pseudonym: MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Email address: monaCK2@yahoo.com and huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Finished
Pairing: John Carter/Luka Kovac/Dave Malucci
Date: November 9, 2003
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 26/?
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. The title of the story was inspired by the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name, and no infringement is intended. The story can be found on the following web sites: http://www.heresmona.com/fanfic.html
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Boutique/7087/, and
http://www.errealmofslash.com
Summary: It's a slashy A/U story about how Season 8 might have been and contains no spoilers for the current season.
"Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, Part 26"
By MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
As John showered, his thoughts were jumbled and trying to run in a thousand different directions. To begin with, he felt guilty. Incredibly guilty. Guilty about cheating on Dave, even though it was done unwittingly, guilty about cheating on Luka, although the promises he made to Luka were based on erroneous information. He sighed, stepping under the hot water to rinse. Why hadn't Dave shown up a day earlier, or, more importantly, why hadn't John himself been able to put off the needs and desires of his body another day or week? Hell, he had gone for long periods of time without having sex, so why, suddenly, had it become so important for him to be with Luka? Another week or so of celibacy wouldn't have hurt him, or made Luka feel unloved. The man had been patiently waiting.
And now, now John had the man upset, hurt and confused. He also had Dave feeling those things. And, truth be told, John felt all of that as well. Life would have been simpler if John had been the type of person who could have sex with a person he didn't care about. Then he could have bedded Susan back when they were dating, or he could have gone to bed with Luka and not felt guilty about Dave knowing about it. But, he wasn't that kind of a person. He only had sexual relationships with people he cared about, and, looking back, even before the cruise, John had cared for Luka as just a bit more than a friend. It had been Luka who kept insisting they were just 'friends who happened to have sex with each other', not John. John had cared too much to consider what they did to be fooling around and unmeaningful.
As he dried himself off, John found his thoughts drifting to how he was going to decide between Dave and Luka. He loved them both, but was it equally? The sex was definitely different with each man, John could easily admit that. And he didn't want to have to rate either one of his lovers. So, that meant that sex couldn't be a criteria for his decision. And, until he could figure out *if* he loved one more than the other, love couldn't be a criteria, either. So, what would it be then? And just how much time were they going to give him to decide? John was hoping it would be a long time. A long time where he could alternate his nights, one with Dave, another with Luka, learning each man better. And if doing that meant that John was getting what he had asked them for, well, he couldn't quite help that, could he? He *did* have to have some basis for making his decision.
John wrapped a towel around his waist and padded into his bedroom, this time selecting matching clothes so he'd look presentable when he appeared in the dining room. He was in the process of removing his towel when he heard a knock on the door and then Luka's voice, asking if he was okay. John quickly dropped the towel and pulled on a pair of plaid boxers.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Luka," he called back, wondering if he should try to talk to Luka before dinner instead of after. John still felt the need to reassure Luka that no decision had yet been made, even if he had more or less seduced Dave back in the guest cottage. John had had the need to know for sure that Dave still wanted and needed him, and Dave had managed to reassure him on quite a few issues.
"We are running late for dinner," Luka said, his voice still soft. "Do you want me to wait for you or go on down without you and let your grandmother know that you will be a few more minutes?"
Luka couldn't help but realize that either way it would look like to Dave that he and John had been together this whole time. And truth be told, part of him wanted Dave to believe that. The petty, jealous part of Luka didn't mind that at all.
Pants in hand, John answered the door. "If you don't mind waiting, I'm almost dressed." Maybe if Luka came in, then John could at least start to put his mind at ease. "You can wait in here if you like."
Out of habit, Luka's eyes swept over John's body as he stepped inside the younger man's bedroom. "I don't want your Grandmother to be too upset that we're late for dinner," he commented, as he took a seat on the couch that Dave had occupied earlier. "Did...you have a good shower?"
Luka couldn't help but think about the earlier conversation, and once again jealousy invaded his body as thoughts of John and Dave being together in the cardinal sense crept into his mind. Luka didn't like being this way -- not in the slightest. But he really couldn't help it.
John nodded as he closed the door. "The water was nice and hot and just what my back needed. We never did make it into the Jacuzzi," he commented as he pulled on the slacks he had selected. It was breaking his heart to see Luka looking sad, and something else. Jealous? That was certainly possible, John thought. "Luka, I'm sorry about all of this happening. I know it's partially my fault. Well, mostly my fault." John sat down in a chair and began to pull on his socks as he spoke. "If I had waited another day or two before accepting your offer then you wouldn't be suffering like this right now, and I'm sorry."
Luka looked over to him, truly surprised. "John...do you think that my feelings of loving you popped up overnight? I've been in love with you for a long time now, last night just cemented all of it. But I think that even if we had waited, and Dave had shown up, I still would be feeling the kind of hurt that I am now...only then...I think I would have truly known that it was over. The...the last thing I want to do is pressure you, you know that, but the only difference is...before we made love again, you would have been able to let me go, a clean cut as they say. But because of last night, you're not able to do that. I know that you're realizing your own feelings for me," Luka continued before John could speak again. "So I know it's not a matter of obligation, but I almost think it would have been...easier if last night had never happened..."
Turning his head away, Luka focused his eyes on a picture on the opposite side of the room, unable to even look at John to see his reaction. It was all just too painful for him.
John sat down on the loveseat beside Luka. "It's not all that simple, Luka. I don't have sex with people I don't care about. When we were together before, it was always you saying that we were just friends messing around. I talked myself into believing it because you seemed to believe it so much. But, it just wasn't so, not for me, at least. And, when I saw Dave on the ship, I found it easier to believe you than to face the fact that I had cared about you more than a friend would care about a friend. The first time you ever kissed me, I shouldn't have kissed you back." John was glad that Luka was looking elsewhere, as he wasn't too sure that he wanted eye-to-eye contact for that admission.
John sighed. "I don't know what I should have done. Running wasn't a choice because you were my friend, and I didn't want to lose you. I still don't. It's like I said earlier, I really don't like the idea of losing either you or Dave as a friend. If I just wanted someone to fuck with, then I could easily find a body, but I don't want that. I never did. If I choose Dave, then am I going to lose your friendship? You said something earlier about moving on, so does that mean you'd leave County? If I don't choose you, are you out of my life forever, Luka?" John asked, needing to know the answer. He needed to know that Luka wasn't going to desert him just because he decided to give his loyalty and love to Dave.
When John admitted that he was sorry that he had ever kissed Luka, it was once more like a knife was being driven right through his heart. So it was a mistake...it was all a mistake. Luka wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he did partially blame himself since he had known when he had gotten involved with John that his heart belonged to another...long before John ever admitted that to him.
And as John continued, Luka quickly shook his head. "I am not going to leave County. And it's very important to me that you're a part of my life, even if that is a role as a friend, and not a lover. When I say moving on...I mean moving on past all of this mess. If you do decide that you want to be with Dave, then there's really nothing I can do about that. But, I want to make sure that you know that I am not going to abandon you...that is not my plan at all."
Luka's words were sincere, even though inside he wanted to cry, because it seemed to him that John had made his choice already.
John slowly nodded as a feeling of relief swept through him. "Thank you. That's pretty much what Dave said, too." John got to his feet and reached for the shirt he had left on the bed. "I don't know how to do this, Luka. How to choose between the two of you, I mean. How am I supposed to put what I feel for each of you into neat little boxes for comparison? Love and all the rest is just too complicated for something like that."
Luka felt a bit of relief at John's words -- so maybe he hadn't made his decision. It was only a small sense of relief, because part of him wished that if John was going to let him go, that he would do it already, instead of continuing to drag his heart through the mud.
"I really don't know what to tell you, John, because for me it is very simple. But I know that it is not so simple for you. You...I'm guessing that your heart and your mind will eventually tell you what is right."
And Luka could only hope that that realization would lead John right back to him.
"I guess." John began to do up the buttons. "It's not an easy decision to make. Definitely not one that can be made in a split second. I guess that's why I was so upset earlier. I didn't feel as if I could make a decision that important on the spur of the moment." He looked over at Luka, hoping that Luka would volunteer to give him all the time he needed in which to reach a decision. It would definitely take some of the pressure away, John thought.
"No. I imagine it's not an easy decision," Luka said, after a moment's consideration. "And I'm sure you'll be able to come to one when you can. I'm sure that your intentions are not to keep either of us on some sort of a leash, but to ultimately have some happiness..."
Standing up from the couch, Luka brought his gaze over to John once more. "Are you about ready for dinner? I find that I'm famished..."
Luka didn't want to talk about this anymore, even though he realized that dinner was *not* going to be an easy thing to get through.
"Just about." John replied as he began to tuck in his shirt. So much for the assurance that he could have all the time he needed, he thought. After slipping into his shoes, John turned to face Luka. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be," he said, but inside his head John was urging Luka to kiss him, or to reach out and take his hand -- anything -- any kind of physical contact would be enough to reassure John that Luka still cared, just as he claimed he did.
They were about to leave, when Luka turned to face John once more, a half grin on his face. Reaching out his hand, he brushed a stray piece of hair off of the younger man's forehead, and then smoothed back his still slightly damp hair.
"That's better," he said, as he ran his fingers lightly down the side of John's face. "Now you're...dressed to kill...that's the correct term, right?" Luka then turned towards the door, and slowly opened in, hoping that John's grandmother would understand why they were late.
John quickly smiled. "That's the correct phrase, yes," he replied. Inside he was cheering. It wasn't as good of an affirmation as making love to Dave had been, but it was a start. A good start.
"If Gamma's too upset with us, then we'll find out when we get there because they'll already have started to eat," John commented as he led the way downstairs.
But walking into the dining room, John saw that while his grandmother and Dave had drinks, they weren't eating, and that was a good sign, even though Millicent made a point of checking her watch as soon as she saw John. "Sorry we're late. I had showered and Luka was kind enough to wait for me before coming down."
"I understand...this time," Millicent replied. She found it difficult to be angry with her grandson, especially under the current circumstances. "Luka, I'd like for you to sit by me," she added, indicating the chair to her left and opposite from where Dave was seated. That left John having to sit at the other end of the table, and separated from both men by a vacant chair on each side of him.
John took his seat, somewhat grateful for the distance that his grandmother had managed to arrange to put between him and the other men. Since he had no appetite, being seated away from them would make it a bit less noticeable that he wasn't eating, John realized. And, they would most likely be paying attention to Millicent, giving him a chance to study each man in turn, as if that alone could give him the answer he so desperately needed.
Luka obediently went towards his seat, looking at the man who would be seated across from him has he sat down.
"Dave," he simply said, if only to be polite. Truth be told, if he never heard the name Dave Malucci again, or saw his face, it would make Luka's world. But Luka knew that it wasn't that simple. He had to try to make peace with the hot-headed doctor if he wanted a *chance* of staying in John's life, even if it made Luka's stomach turn thinking about it.
Dave had already drunk down half of his glass of soda, and was grateful to see Henry going to get the food to serve. With a grin, he looked over to Luka, and then to John. "Glad you guys came down. I'm so hungry, I was ready to eat the table cloth," he said with a smirk. Then, he fully turned his gaze over to John, unable to resist noticing how good the man looked all freshly showered like that. "Didja have a good shower, John?"
If Dave were alone with Luka and John, he might have been tempted to add something on about the state that John had been in when they had arrived back at the house. But he didn't do that -- for John's grandmother's sake. It wasn't her fault that the three of them were caught up in a pretty fucked up love triangle.
John nodded as he placed his napkin in his lap. "The water was hot enough to do me some good," he replied.
Millicent frowned. "You really should see a doctor about your back, John. I know, I know, you keep telling me that there isn't anything that can be done for it, but unless you've actually seen a specialist, then how can you tell?"
"Gamma, there isn't much a doctor can do for me, trust me on that. Acupuncture helped it before, and so did the yoga, I just haven't had much of a chance to do either one lately. Besides, it doesn't hurt all the time." He watched as Henry served Dave, and then proceeded to move around the table by heading in Millicent's direction next. Good, he thought. 'Everyone will be busy cutting their roast beef and won't have the chance to pay attention to me.'
"Back injuries are tricky," Dave said, as he cut into his roast beef. "You can see all the specialists in the world, and sometimes they still won't be able to do anything for 'em other than prescribe pain killers. And that's not an option here. So some of the alternative meds are the way to go," he mused, as he bit into the meat.
Luka listened and nodded. "I agree, but it probably couldn't hurt for him to get another doctors opinion. What's the worst that would happen? He would be told what he already knows?" Biting into his food, Luka's lips broke into a grin. "This is very good. My compliments to the chef," he mused, as he looked over to Mrs. Carter.
John silently shook his head as Henry headed in his direction, and the butler quietly disappeared into the kitchen. John couldn't help but smile as he listened to Dave and Luka disagree about his back problems. Their concern for him was obvious and touching. But it didn't make his decision any easier.
Millicent smiled at Luka. "Corrine makes an excellent pot roast. It's been a signature specialty of hers for years." She had noticed that Henry had left the room without serving John and it only confirmed to her that John was still upset, even though he acted as if nothing at all was wrong. Harping on him about his back was definitely not going to make John feel better, so Millicent decided to change the subject. She had managed to read a little bit of Dave's resume once she had returned to the house, so she picked a topic from that.
"I saw on your resume that you spent several years in Grenada," she said to Dave. "How did you like living down in the islands?"
Dave nodded. "It was actually great. I learned a lot about medical techniques that you just don't find out about in the States, and it helped out on more than one occasion in the ER when faced with some weird stuff that they had never seen before, but were commonplace in Grenada. I'm also now fluent in Spanish as a result. Yeah, I think that going to Grenada was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself, career wise." Well, that and the fact that no Med School in the US would take him because of how badly he had fucked up in school. But that wasn't important at the moment.
Luka nodded in agreement. "I think you're right about out of country experience being a help in the Emergency Room setting," he said, unable to deny that the younger doctor had a point. "Sometimes you're able to diagnose things that others don't see right away..." For as cocky as Dave had been in the hospital, Luka couldn't help but admit that the man was a good doctor who obviously cared about what he did. Luka didn't feel that the man should have been fired for his actions -- how many times had Luka himself lost a patient because of a judgment call?
Millicent nodded. "I can see where that would be a benefit. I wonder why you never tried to go out of the country for medical school?" she asked John.
"It was tempting, but I was having too much fun tormenting grandfather about my decision to become a doctor," he replied with a grin. There wasn't much of a need to point out to her that most of the American med school students who ended up in foreign countries were there because they weren't able to get into a medical school within the United States. Why that was always considered to be a bad thing, he had no idea, as doctors in other countries were certainly as capable as those in the States. Luka and Dave were both fine examples of that. So, strike off another item on the comparison list, he thought. So, sex, friendship, compassion and education were now categories that he couldn't use.
Dave continued to eat his meal, noticing that all they were doing was making small talk -- the whole lot of them. It all seemed almost inane, the four of them having dinner together as if everything was normal. As if there wasn't some sort of strange stuff going on between the three men in the room. The desire for Dave to get drunk had never really been greater, and once he packed up his room, he was going to hit the bar, and try his best to forget the name John Carter. At least for one night, he could be numb.
Luka, as well, reflected on his own thoughts. How could he, a man who was so very much into commitment, honesty, love -- end up in a situation where he was competing with another man for a third man's attention? It was a situation that didn't sit very well with him, and Luka wasn't sure it he would ever feel right about it. This just wasn't in his nature.
"So...are you going to eat anything at all, John?" Luka finally said, as he looked over to him. Luka set his own fork down on his plate, quite finished with his meal. But he was concerned that John had not eaten at all.
Dave, on the other hand, knew enough about John not to push him when he wasn't hungry. This had been a bad day for him - for them all -- and John was obviously still upset about Dave's reappearance.
John shook his head as he smiled down the table at Luka. "I'm not hungry right now," he said. "But don't let me keep you from enjoying dessert. I'm sure that Corrine's made something wonderful."
The dinner plates were cleared away, and Dave leaned back in his chair, quite full from his meal. Truth be told, he was anxious to just get the Hell out of there, but he wouldn't do that, not yet. Not while there was a chance that he might get to spend some more time with John. Amazing that that's what his life had boiled down to. Love made people do funny things.
Luka's eyes drifted towards the kitchen door. "I'm full, but I always have room for whatever dessert that Corrine has cooked up," he said, as he looked over towards Mrs. Carter.
Millicent smiled. "I believe that Corrine was making a Black Forest cake today. It seems she overheard you mentioning that you liked it and thought you'd enjoy having some." She turned her attention to Dave. "You'll have to let Corrine know what your favorite foods are, Dave. She'd be more than happy to prepare something special for you."
Dinner was finally getting the better of John, and he had suddenly remembered that he had a pack of cigarettes in the glove compartment of the Jeep. At least he hoped there was still a pack there. It had been several months since he had quit smoking, but he was pretty sure that he had placed a pack there. And it was definitely time to take up smoking again, or else John knew he'd be too tempted by his grandmother's liquor cabinet -- or worse.
"If you'll excuse me, I need to check on something," John said as he got to his feet. He placed his napkin on the table and smiled at everyone in the room. "I shouldn't be long, but please, feel free to have dessert without me." And then he walked out of the room, but John wasn't able to really breathe easily until he was in the garage.
Dave's face paled as he watched John jump up and leave. What the Hell? How were they going to live with this, if they couldn't get through a simple meal together? "If you'll excuse me, Mrs. C," Dave said, as he stood. "I think I'd better to check on John. He didn't seem to be doing so well."
At these words, Luka stood as well. "I can very easily check on him, Dave," Luka said, returning the other man's stare. "There is no reason for you to have to trouble yourself...for tonight at least, you are a guest here..."
"Don't be silly, Luka," Dave said, with a bit of a smile. "Really. It's not that big of a deal for me to take a walk..."
"Both of you should sit back down and remember that you're trying to not pressure John," Millicent's voice was firm, but her expression was sympathetic as she looked from Dave to Luka. "Going after John right now would only crowd him. All in all, I think dinner went rather well under the circumstances, wouldn't the two of you agree?" She smiled as Henry placed a piece of cake in front of Dave. "Thank you, Henry. We'll need two more slices."
"Yes, madam," he replied before going back into the kitchen for two more slices of cake.
Resigned, both men sat back down. Luka cast his eyes downward while Dave began to pick at his piece of Black Forest cake. He really wasn't hungry anymore -- he was worried. Worried about John. Worried that he had done something to set him off.
"I agree," Luka finally said after a moment's silence. "Dinner did go very well."
"Yeah," Dave said, as his fork ran through the cake. "We didn't kill each other...I guess that's a good sign."
Millicent chuckled. "A very good sign," she commented as a slice of cake was placed in front of her and then Henry served Luka. "Thank you," she told the man, but she didn't speak again until Henry was once more out of the room, although she knew all too well that the servants in a household were always the first ones who knew what was going on.
"Seeing the two of you arguing with each other would only make John's choice more difficult to make. I'm not in any way suggesting that the two of you become best friends, but if you can find some common ground, then I'm sure things will go a lot easier on all of you."
Luka nodded in agreement. "Mrs. Carter does have a point," he said, as he eyed Dave from over the table. "I know we haven't gotten along lately, but for John's sake...maybe we should try?
Dave was still playing with his piece of cake, more interested in smashing it then eating it. And he was silent as he thought about things. His first thought was that Luka was a brownnoser...but then he realized that Luka actually did have a valid point. "Yeah, I suppose you're right," he said, casting his eyes downward once more. "I guess we can call a truce."
Bringing his eyes up, he extended his hand across the table, a slight grin on his face. Luka, realizing there was no other choice, took it in his own and shook it. "Yes, truce...we'll do what we can to be on the best of terms...especially when John is around."
Millicent beamed as she watched the two men shake hands. If nothing else, then perhaps this entire fiasco would end with the two of them finding friendship.
*****************
After finding a half full pack of cigarettes in his Jeep, John had retreated to the solitude of the pool. He stretched out flat on the concrete to see if that would make his back feel any better, then lit up and looked up to the heavens for a sudden answer to his problems. There was a light breeze and as it made waves in the water, the lights from the pool rippled outward, causing some very interesting shadows on everything they touched.
John knew he should be trying to make his decision, but he found himself mesmerized by the flickering shadows. If -- and that was a big *if* -- he could get Luka to go along with the idea of him spending one night with Dave and the next with Luka and so on, then John could get what he wanted, and they wouldn't be the wiser. But, that solution only worked if Luka and Dave were willing to let him have as much time as he needed, and somehow John knew that neither man was going to be willing to do that. Not that he could really blame them. As much as he wanted to keep both men, he knew that they needed closure, and the chance to move on.
Knowing that he'd still have their friendship was a big relief to John. He had been so afraid that if he chose one over the other, then he'd lose a friend, too. So, keeping hold of a friend now wasn't an issue. What could be a deciding factor? That was going to have to be the first thing that John thought up, he realized. Just what criteria was he going to use in order to assess Dave against Luka? His mind went back over the options he'd already considered. Remaining friends was out -- they both had assured him that they wouldn't leave him. Sex was probably out, as well, unless John wanted to get picky and rate them according to what each one of them would and wouldn't do. And if he was going to do *that*, then it would only be fair to make sure they knew it, and John wasn't quite ready to confess to all of his likes and dislikes.
Love? They both said they loved him, and he loved each of them. True, it wasn't the same kind of love, but it was love. And not just the kind of love that you feel for a good friend, either. John had those kinds of feelings for Abby and Deb, and he knew that what he felt for Luka and Dave went way beyond what he felt for the two women.
Two cigarettes later, John was still trying to think of how to judge one lover against the other. Dinner certainly had to be over and he knew he needed to get back to the house -- if for no other reason than to say goodnight to Dave. And he still needed to fully talk with Luka about things. Yet John was reluctant to leave the quiet of the pool, and he decided that it wouldn't hurt to stay five minutes longer.
Dessert was long over at the main house. Luka had retired up to his room -- his patience on trying to get along with Dave could only go so far. So that left Dave and Millicent waiting patiently at the dining room table for John to get back. He wasn't going to give him that much more time -- as much as he wanted to see John before heading back to his hotel, the desire to get drunk was almost overwhelming him.
Dave took another sip of his soda, and smiled over to Mrs. Carter, who was waiting patiently with him. "You should go ahead, Mrs. C. I'll wait for John."
That was, if John ever got his ass back to the house...
John checked his watch and saw that the time he had given himself as a deadline for going back in had passed. Sighing, he put out his cigarette, pocketed the rest of the pack and headed back to the house. He went in through the kitchen, noticing that it was cleaned and quiet, an indication that dinner was long over. While he wasn't hungry enough to eat a meal, he had been hoping to snag a leftover or two. Since that was now out of the question, John decided on getting something to drink, and he opened the refrigerator and grabbed the bottle of orange juice. Even though he knew that he should be using a glass, it just felt like too much of a bother.
Looking around to make sure he was alone, John removed the lid and took a couple of deep swallows, the cold juice feeling good against a throat he hadn't realized was thirsty. John licked his lips clean and replaced the orange juice, then continued on through the kitchen to the rest of the house.
Feeling guilty and hoping he hadn't missed Dave, John stepped into the dining room. Much to his relief, Dave was still at the table. "You're still here?" he asked with a smile.
Dave had been sitting by himself at the dining room table for a good twenty minutes after Mrs. Carter retired for the night. He wasn't even sure why he was sticking around, other than hoping to get to see John one more time before getting totally shitfaced. He was just beginning to give up hope when he heard a familiar voice from the dining room door.
Returning the smile, Dave lifted his head up. "Yeah, but I was gettin' ready to bug out. You...you doin' all right? I...I was worried about you. I wanted to come after you, but your Gamma advised against it."
John nodded. "I'm okay. I just needed some fresh air, that's all. I'm glad you stayed." John took a step further into the room, wanting to kiss Dave goodnight, yet not sure if he should. Even though they had made love earlier, John was all too aware that he still needed to talk things over with Luka, and he wasn't sure that letting himself get all worked up by necking with Dave would be the best prelude to that talk.
"I...I almost left, but, I couldn't go without seeing you one more time. I...I don't know...still tryin' to get used to all this, you know? Luka and I have called a truce, we're gonna try to get along for as long as possible...so that we don't put any added pressure on you. Just...just know that I love you, okay? I..."
Dave stood from his chair, and made his way around the edge of the table. Walking up to John, he tentatively reached out his hand, and gave John's shoulder a gentle squeeze. Then Dave slowly moved his fingers down John's arm, and found his hand and interlaced their fingers together. "I just don't wanna be without you anymore, you know?"
Bringing his other hand to the side of John's face, Dave caressed his cheek, his lips forming a soft smile. And as their eyes locked, Dave leaned in, and he locked his lips with John's as well. John's clothes smelled of smoke, and if Dave was in a state of mind other than wanting to just be, he might have minded. But he didn't want to think about it. All of Dave's energy was channeled into one thing. If Dave had to leave, he was going to make sure he left with John thinking of *him*, and not anyone else.
The kiss was everything John had hoped and feared it would be, and his body instantly responded to it. As it ended though, he resisted the urge to pull Dave close to him for another. "I've missed you. It shouldn't be like this, Dave, it just shouldn't. I'm sorry I didn't wait longer for you to call or show up or something. I'm sorry I ever kissed Luka back in the first place, even though we weren't back together then." John smiled sadly. "Not that I'm sorry for ever being with Luka or loving him, but I'm sorry for the hurt that my, I guess loneliness is as good a word as any, has caused."
Dave listened to John speak, and cast his eyes down, resisting the temptation to tell John that it could be very simple -- that he should tell the Croatian Love Machine to go scratch while Dave and John rode off into the sunset together, but Dave was afraid that that would push him away again. So instead, Dave decided to take the simple approach.
"I'm sorry too," Dave said, his voice sad. "I'm sorry for not trying harder to keep you, and I'm sorry for lettin' you get away again. I think I'd better go, or I'm gonna be tempted to seduce you...make you come back with me, make you forget anything but me. But I don't wanna do that to you...don't wanna make you more confused then you already are."
John reached out and lifted Dave's chin, looking him once more in the eyes. "Thank you." He leaned in for a quick kiss, and then took a step back from Dave. "I do love you. Nothing will ever change that, Dave."
Dave pulled away as well, taking back his hands so he could cross them protectively over his chest. "I know," he simply said. Getting a grip on his emotions again, he plastered a grin on his face. "Well. I'd better get going. A night of packin' awaits me so I can move into my new digs. What's your schedule tomorrow? Maybe we can hang out or something for a bit when you're off of work?"
Dave was willing to do just about anything to spend time with John, hoping that it would help John make his ultimate decision.
John nodded. "The same as today, six until noon, so if you need help moving in, just wait until after noon and I'll be available," John offered with a smile, meaning that in more than one way.
Dave's grin turned wider. "Okay. I might just do that," he said, cocking his head to one side. "Of course, I might need help taking a certain thing I own in and out of something else...you think you might be up for that as well?"
Dave's eyes were sparkling with mischief, and already he was feeling a bit better. Dave didn't think that was going to stop him from getting plastered -- but he was feeling a bit better.
John's smile turned wicked. "Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll be up for that."
Dave nodded, and then took a step closer to John. "Well, I really think I'd better get outta here or I'm *never* gonna leave.." Reaching out, he pulled John into his embrace again, and then planted his lips onto John's. After probing the man's mouth with his tongue, Dave finally pulled away, and forced himself to move from John's embrace.
"Somethin' to remember me by," Dave said, his eyes twinkling once more. And then, before he could change his mind, Dave was gone -- out of the dining room and through the living room, out of the front door and towards the car he had parked in the driveway earlier in the day. Amazing how his life had changed once again in a matter of a few hours. And as Dave drove back towards his hotel, he couldn't help but hope that John would make the decision that would make *both* of them happy -- which was for John to spend the rest of his life with Dave. And right then, Dave swore to himself that if the fates allowed that to happen, he would *never* let John go again.