Author/pseudonym: MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Email address: monaCK2@yahoo.com and huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Finished
Pairing: John Carter/Luka Kovac/Dave Malucci
Date: January 4, 2004
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 35/?
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. The title of the story was inspired by the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name, and no infringement is intended. The story can be found on the following web sites: http://www.heresmona.com/fanfic.html
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Boutique/7087/, and
http://www.errealmofslash.com
Summary: It's a slashy A/U story about how Season 8 might have been and contains no spoilers for the current season.
"Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, Part 35"
By MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Dave had turned to look at John as he tried to walk...and before John even had the words out of his mouth, Dave was at his side. "Okay...I'm gonna help you, it's alright...I'm here.." He put his arm around John's waist. "Okay. Lean completely on me...we'll take our time...and we'll getcha there. I'm not gonna let you fall. I...if you want, I can probably lift you up if that'll help..." John was about the weight that Dave was used to bench pressing, and he knew that he'd be able to easily lift John if necessary."
John really wanted to take advantage of Dave's last offer, but he knew he was too heavy for Dave to carry. "We'll just take it slowly," he said, but his mind was racing ahead. If his feet hurt that badly after being off of them for just an hour or so, how were they going to feel in the morning? "You know, Dave, I think I might be stuck here tomorrow if my feet hurt anything close to this in the morning," John warned him as he placed his arm around Dave's shoulders and letting the man support most of his weight.
"It's alright," Dave said, as he slowly guided John towards the bathroom. "I'll run over to the house in the morning to check on things, and then I'll come back, make sure you're okay. You were on your feet too much today...I'm.. sorry for pushin' ya, and I'm sorry you got hurt in the first place..." He sighed deeply, feeling tremendous guilt that John was unable to walk because Dave was impatient...
They arrived to the door of the bathroom, and Dave led him over towards the toilet. "You gonna be okay standin' here? I can hold you up when you go, too. I don't mind." Dave's voice was serious, but he knew that John could be funny about stuff like that, so he didn't want to do anything that was going to make John uncomfortable.
John shook his head. "I'll sit while you wait outside, okay?" While he appreciated Dave's assistance, he really didn't want Dave holding onto him as he peed. Or watching. He had had more than enough of that with all his drug testing after Atlanta. John turned around and sat down, more than happy to have the load off of his feet.
Dave nodded. "Yeah...okay. No problem at all," he said, as he moved towards the door. He realized he also needed to go himself, but he could obviously wait until John was finished to do so. As he closed the door behind him, Dave leaned up against the wall, waiting until John gave him the go ahead to go back inside and help John back to bed.
John quickly took care of business, then managed to get back to his feet without cursing -- out loud anyway. He flushed the toilet, then hobbled over to the sink to wash his hands. Once they were clean and dry, John made his way to the door, regretting the fact that the bathroom in the cottage was on the large side with every pained stepped he took.
Dave heard the water running, and figured it was safe to open the door again. As he did so, he carefully peered his head inside, and frowned as he saw John attempting to walk back by himself. "Let me help you, John," he said, as he walked towards the other man. There were very few things that pained Dave more than watching the man he loved in so much obvious pain. Yeah. His own needs could wait. He needed to get John back to bed first.
To John, the only thing that hurt worse than feeling pain while trying to walk was getting help to walk. He hated being dependent on others, just hated it. But he was also mature enough to realize that not admitting he needed help had been one of the things that led to his addiction, so he accepted Dave's second offer of assistance. "Thanks," John said as he once more put his arm over Dave's shoulders. "I can't believe how much more they hurt now. I guess it's because of the increased blood flow or something. Maybe you should just keep me on my back with my feet in the air for the rest of the night?" John said, hoping that his joking around would take some of the sting out of admitting his weakness.
Dave couldn't help but laugh as he shook his head. "You're incorrigible. But how'd ya know that was what my plan was for you tonight? Get ya to the point where ya couldn't walk...and then have ya layin' flat on your back so I could have my way with you."
Dave's face took on a serious expression once again, and a soft smile overtook his lips. "I just want you to feel okay again, ya know? I'm worried about you." After he deposited John back on the bed, Dave kissed the man softly before looking at him with a sheepish grin. "Now, if you'll excuse me, you just reminded me of somethin' I haven't done in a while..." And with that, Dave jetted back out towards the bathroom to relieve himself.
John settled himself under the covers, grinning despite the pain in his feet. Dave was so...special, and John wondered just how he could ever live without him in his life. Hell, how had he managed living without Dave up to that point anyway? It was as if the previous years of his life had been nothing but shadows and now he was in the sunshine, thanks to Dave.
As the throbbing began to subside, John found it easier to dream about spending the rest of his life with Dave -- and it was a pleasant day dream, but one John knew might not end up happening. It was so damn unfair that he had been put in the position of having to decide between Dave and Luka and deep down John still resented the fact that the two men he loved so dearly had put him in that position. But, hopefully the coin toss would quickly end things. A fast decision, made by fate -- quick and relatively painless -- although John knew that for himself, he'd be feeling the pain of loss for a very, very long time.
Dave washed his hands, and took a good look in the mirror while doing so. As his thoughts began to wander, the young man smiled to himself. If he let it...if he *really* let it, he could almost pretend that this was the way it was supposed to be. That he and John were going to stay together.
But as his thoughts wandered on, Dave realized that that was far from the case. Even though it seemed that he was going to be spending all of his nights with John, one way or another, for half of those times he was going to be going to John's bed after he had finished loving someone else. He realized that a piece of John's heart would always belong to another. And try as he might to push that from his thoughts, Dave was finding it nearly impossible.
Dave took longer than he needed to in the bathroom, carefully washing his face and the taking a washcloth to his body, he cleaned himself of the events of the previous hours. He felt much better after doing so, slightly cleansed, slightly ready to face whatever it was that awaited him in the bedroom. Whatever it was -- it was John that was waiting for him in the bedroom. John who loved him completely. And Dave realized that dwelling on the negative was only setting both of them up to have a horrible night.
A smile slipped back onto his lips, and as he pushed his way out of the bathroom, he was feeling a bit better, though the reason didn't fully hit him until he leaned against the bedroom door -- just watching John as he lay out on the bed. So....innocent looking. So...simply irresistible.
"Hey," Dave said, as he stayed in his spot. "A penny for your thoughts?"
John was ready to give a flippant answer in response to Dave's question, but when he turned his head to look at the man, the words died before they ever reached his lips. Dave looked incredible, like a Greek God of some kind. Okay, make that a Roman god, he mentally corrected himself -- broad shoulders, finely muscled chest that narrowed to a slender waist, slim hips, powerful thighs. Dave's cock hung limply in front of him, still large -- always large. And, it, and the man attached to it, were all his. John's eyes moved up to Dave's face. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you." Tears threatened once again and John turned his head, ashamed of breaking down in tears yet one more time in front of Dave.
That was *not* the answer that Dave was expecting. Quickly he made his way to John's side, mouth slightly agape as he watched the man begin to break down in front of him. Crawling up onto the bed, he gathered John in his arms, sensing the man's need to be held to be almost as strong as Dave's desire to hold him was. "You're...you...you don't have ta lose me...you don't have ta ever lose me. I love you so much, John. So much. I'm...I'm never gonna let you go again..."
The words escaped his lips before any kind of filter could get them to stop -- because Dave was speaking from the heart -- something he had *only* done for John, and only *would* do for John for the rest of his life.
John buried his face in Dave's chest while wrapping his arms around the man. "It's not fair to you, it really isn't. If...if I choose Luka...it will hurt you too much to see me, to be around me. I can't ask you to go through that kind of pain, Dave, I just can't. I just wish...this is selfish, I know it...but...I just wish that either you or Luka would have given ground to the other and then I wouldn't be facing this right now. I'd be angry as Hell with you both for making my decision for me, but that would be far better than this Hell we're all living through right now. It's tearing Luka apart, it's tearing you apart, and I hate it, Dave. I just hate it."
"Listen to me, if anyone is gonna back down...it's not gonna be me. You are the *only* person I've ever loved, and I'm not sayin' that to try to make you feel guilty. I know you're mind is mixed up right now. I know you love me...and you also love Luka, and I can accept that...to a certain degree. But you haven to understand...if either of us are gonna give ground...it's not gonna be me...no way am I givin' you up again. I know this might not be what you wanna hear right now, but it's the truth. I don't wanna ever lie to you, John.." He continued to hold John tightly to his chest, and Dave kissed the top of John's head. "I...I can't let you go..."
"And I don't want to let you go, either." John admitted. "Truthfully, I wouldn't care too much for the idea of either one of you backing out. But this is killing me, Dave. I...I have a plan, but I want to tell you and Luka about it at the same time. I think it will bring this to an end, but God knows it's not going to give any of us any peace. But at least it will be decided." John let go of Dave and grabbed the edge of the sheet to wipe his eyes and cheeks. "You know, I'm not a cry-baby, despite the way it looks. This is just so...so overwhelming, and my feet hurt and I can't help it right now."
"I...I know, John. I know, and, and I guess this is somethin' that it's okay to cry over, you know? It's...it's a mess...the whole thing is, and I know it's partially my fault that this is goin' on in the first place. But, uh, I...I know you wanna tell both of us together, but I can't help but wonder...what is this plan that you have?" Dave continued to rub John's back gently, both to comfort him, and because Dave needed to touch some part of John's body.
John couldn't help but arch his back against Dave's hand since it felt good against his skin, but he didn't want to answer Dave's question. It was much better to tell them together. "Could you rub harder?" he asked, "and a little lower down?"
Dave knew that John was avoiding his question, and part of him want to try to pry the answer out of the guy, but he now knew from experience that would only serve to drive John right into Luka's arms. And Dave did *not* want that to happen. But as he moved his hand down John's back, Dave couldn't help his mind from wandering over all sorts of various possibilities. Was John planning on seeing how much sex the two of them could have with him? Who gave the better backrubs? Who spent the most time with him? Dave couldn't even begin to imagine.
John wasn't too thrilled over Dave's silence, even though the back rub was feeling very nice. "I was going to borrow a page from the Bible and offer to cut myself in half so each of you could have a piece of me. And that's going to be very painful," John joked, hoping to improve Dave's mood if only by a little bit.
"Not to mention, that'll be a bit messy," Dave teased, as he continued to work his hands down John's back. "Let's...let's not talk about this now...if you have this plan on how you're gonna decide between us, then we don't have ta worry about this any more tonight...right? So, let me just.. let me just enjoy you while I...I know I still have..."
He cut his words off mid stream, finding that he himself was beginning to get emotional. This really didn't sit well with him at all. Dave was *so* tired in being pain over this, and he supposed that even if John ultimately ended up being with Luka, at least Dave would finally know where he stood. "I...just love you so much, John. I...I don't want you to ever forget how much I love you."
"I'll never forget it again, Dave," John vowed. He wanted to add how sorry he was for ever doubting that in the first place since it had led to this mess, but Dave didn't want to talk about it any longer and neither did John. Instead, he wanted to be pampered. "I think you'd be able to do a much better job if I was on my stomach. You'd be able to reach my entire back that way," he said as he lifted his head to look into Dave's eyes and maybe sneak a kiss. "So what do you say? Can I talk you into giving me a real back massage?"
Dave nodded, and following John's prompting, planted a soft kiss on the other man's lips. "Yeah, I think I might be convinced to work my magic fingers over your body," he teased as he motioned for John to change his position.
Dave waited for John to get comfortable on his stomach, and then straddled him. He was about to begin the massage, when he remembered the baby oil that was now on the floor of the bedroom. So getting up for a moment, Dave grabbed the bottle, and then repositioned himself around John's body. He poured some oil onto his hands, and let it warm between his fingers before moving his hands down to work and massage the oil into John's back.
John stretched his arms down at his sides, knowing that Dave couldn't really work out the kinks in his back if his arms were raised -- and thinking about his arms being raised only served to remind John about wanting to 'try out' the bed for bondage purposes. He grinned at that thought, hoping that they'd be trying things out soon. Resting his cheek against the warm sheet where Dave had so recently been lying, John found himself imaging what it would be like to be on his back and totally at Dave's mercy once again.
Dave continued to work his fingers into John's skin, kneading his sore muscles until they loosened in his hand. And when he thought he heard a moan escape from John's lips, he smiled. Unable to resist, Dave leaned his body down. While his cock wasn't hard, it was certainly beginning to show some interest in what Dave was doing, and was beginning to grow with every motion that Dave took. And bringing his lips to the back of John's neck, he kissed the skin that was there, and then, he licked the salty sweat that was still evident on the surface from their earlier session. It only added to Dave's enjoyment of the man under him.
"That's nice," John purred as he felt Dave's kisses upon his neck. As nice as it had been to fantasize about being on his back and at Dave's mercy, John found the reality a bit better, even if he was on his stomach and not his back. Although..."Any chance I can talk you into a full body massage now that your fingers are warmed up?"
"You would *not* hear me complain about havin' ta touch your whole body," Dave said, his voice coming out with more than a hint of husk to it. Moving off of John's back to allow the man to turn over, Dave's eyes couldn't help but roam his body -- his own becoming more turned on with each eyeful that Dave experienced. "God, you're beautiful," he blurted out. And unable to resist, Dave brought his lips down onto John's while he positioned himself comfortably next to the man so his hands could roam the other's body.
John threw himself totally into that kiss, wanting to show his gratitude for the fact that love is truly blind. "Thank you for saying that, even though I know it's not true. It wasn't true before the stabbing and even less true now, but I appreciate the fact that you think so."
"You...you are beautiful," Dave said, his voice serious as he locked his eyes with John. "I...I love everythin' about you; your lips, your eyes, and yeah, even your scars. They're all a part of you. Every single part of you does this to me..."
Dave took John's hand, and brought it up to his heart, which was beating with what seemed to be a million miles a minute. "Every time I see you, my heart beats like this...clothed, naked, it's all part of you, and it makes you beautiful." Dave wished that that was enough to convince John, but Dave also knew that one night together was not going to be enough to undue years of self-beatings over John thinking he was much uglier than he was in reality.
John let his fingers trail down Dave's chest until they nestled in the soft hairs at the base of his semi-hard cock. "Thank you. I wish I could put your hand over my heart to show you the same thing, but I can't. Because whenever I look at you, I freeze in time. I don't really know what to do or say, all I know is how much I love you."
Whereas part of him felt that he should be pulling away.. Dave was being sucked in deeper and deeper into his love of John. Every word that John said -- even the ones that hurt -- did nothing but further intensify his feelings. So, as he was literally at a loss for words, Dave did the only thing he knew how to do. Placing one hand lovingly on the back of John's neck, Dave drew him in once more, covering the man's lips with his own as he kissed him fully and passionately, knowing that that was the only way he could truly show John how he felt.
A tender moment generally needs tender actions, but as Dave kissed him, John found himself wanting more than tender. He hungrily sucked Dave's tongue into his mouth, wanting very much to be sucking on a different part of Dave's body, but showering together so they'd both be clean for that was out of the question. Still, John knew that just by sucking on Dave's tongue, the man would get the general idea of what John wanted and have the satisfaction of knowing that if John could suck his cock, he would.
Dave absolutely *loved* it when John sucked on his tongue. And his cock loved it, too, and again while it was too soon for him to be fully erect, his body was definitely reacting to the man in his arms. And as the kiss finally ended, Dave kept his lips mere inches from John's, their eyes locked on one another. He wanted him. Dave wanted John in every way possible, and he wished...wished with all of his heart that this was the way it was going to be for the rest of their lives. But in a lot of ways, it was like when they were first together and they were in denial about their feelings for one another. Dave knew that he had to treat each encounter with John as if it might be his last.
As John gazed into Dave's eyes he couldn't help but think about all the time they had lost, and not just the time lost after Dave moved to California, but also the time before that. "We were so stupid before, you know that?" he softly asked. "We had each other but didn't have the courage to act on our feelings. We just kept denying we loved each other even as our bodies kept trying to tell us we did. I could kick myself for all the time we lost because of that." John reached out and gently caressed Dave's side before letting his hand once more drift toward Dave's cock, looking for a sign of further hardness in that area.
Dave was amazed that John seemed to know just what he was thinking, but then again, it shouldn't have surprised him that much. So in tune the two of them were together...Dave simply couldn't imagine that Luka...no...he couldn't think of Luka right then. So instead, he smiled softly. "You read my mind," Dave said, as his own hands sought out new crevices on John's body. "Except...except...I'm afraid that...God, I gotta be honest with you, John...I'm so scared that every time with you might be my last time, and...and I know that my heart will never let me forget you, John. I...I wish we hadn't been so stupid, because then we mighta never been apart..."
Dave's eyes fluttered closed as John caressed him, his touches were so gentle, and it was like the man knew just what to do to get his body to respond to him.
"I know," John whispered as his hand continued to softly explore Dave's body. "I know."