Author/pseudonym: MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
Email address: monaCK2@yahoo.com and huntersglenn@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Status: Finished
Pairing: John Carter/Luka Kovac/Dave Malucci
Date: December 14, 2003
Archive: Please ask first
Series: 32/?
Category: "E.R."
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. The title of the story was inspired by the Jimmy Buffett song of the same name, and no infringement is intended. The story can be found on the following web sites: http://www.heresmona.com/fanfic.html
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Boutique/7087/, and
http://www.errealmofslash.com
Summary: It's a slashy A/U story about how Season 8 might have been and contains no spoilers for the current season.
"Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes, Part 32"
By MonaCK and Cathy Roberts
John's lips tingled from Dave's kiss, even though it had been a light one. That was the second time since they had returned from the store that Dave had kissed him, and John hoped that meant that Dave wasn't upset with him any longer about any of the things that had happened and all the things John had said. When Dave kept saying all that stuff about not needing the sex, John had been a little bit afraid that what Dave really meant was that he never again wanted to be with John.
John walked over to Luka's door and he softly knocked on it, hoping that the knock was loud enough for Luka to hear if he was awake, yet soft enough not to disturb him if he was asleep. If Luka needed rest then John didn't want to deprive him of that, especially since the need could most likely be traced directly back to John.
Luka awakened as soon as he heard the knock on the door, and he wearily rubbed his hand over his eyes. It had been such a long couple of days.. and he really felt that his body was finally making up for the fact that he had been quite sleep deprived. Emotionally and physically he was drained.. and having to cover for John while he was at home having a mental breakdown didn't help matters much.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and then rose out of the bed. He shuffled his way towards the door, hesitating before opening it.
"Can I help you," he asked, sleep lacing his voice. Luka wasn't sure who it was...and if it was someone like Mrs. Carter, he really didn't want to deal with any of that stuff at that moment.
"It's me, John. I just wanted to see if you needed anything...I didn't mean to wake you," John replied, mentally kicking himself because Luka sounded as if he were still half-asleep.
John. Luka should have figured that it was John. Casting his eyes downwards, he bit his bottom lip before replying. "I...I'm okay," he said, holding his hand on the door handle. "I'm...I'm just tired. I..."
He shut his eyes, and then opened them. Finally, he turned the handle on the door, opening it ever so slightly. "How...how are you feeling? How are your feet?"
John felt relieved when Luka opened the door. The light in the bedroom was dim since Luka had closed the curtains, so John couldn't really see Luka's face all that well, but it was enough to be almost face to face with the man. "They're okay. I'm sorry I woke you, I know it's partly my fault that you're so tired, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and that you weren't actually coming down with anything."
Luka quickly shook his head. "It...it's not your fault. I just have a lot on my mind...and I'm exhausted. It's...been a long couple of days. I should be fine after a good night's sleep."
Luka sighed, and then turned away. "I...don't be offended, and this in no way means that I don't want to be with you, but I'm not feeling very social at the moment, and I really would like very much to be alone..."
"I'm not offended. If you want to be alone, then I'll leave you alone. Like I told Dave, I'll do whatever it is the two of you want me to do, Luka. So, you head on back to bed and I'll let you get some sleep," John said as he reached out to pull Luka's door closed. Despite what Luka had said about it not being his fault, John knew better. For one thing, *he* was the thing most on Luka's mind the past couple of days, and the rest of his offenses just kept piling up. It was no wonder Luka and Dave were even standing after all John had put them through.
Luka just stood and watched as John shut the door, making absolutely no effort to stop him. To say that Luka was depressed would have been an understatement. He honestly wasn't sure how much of this he could handle, and he was only partially into this. This was only day two of this triangle. It really wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that the one person he managed to fall in love with was the one just out of reach.
But then again, that was the way it always worked for Luka. His soul mate lay dead in a grave. Carol...with her probably now husband in Seattle. Abby...was there anything still there with Abby? Or was John always standing in the way between the two of them...in one way or another?
Unconsciously, Luka realized that his thoughts had drifted towards Abby, and he suddenly wondered how the woman was doing. He was so wrapped up in John's life, Luka had never really thought about how Abby was doing.
And with that thought on his mind, Luka drifted off once again into an uneasy sleep.
After leaving Luka's doorway, John went into his own room, expecting to have to look at the mess he had made. Instead he found himself walking into a room devoid of debris. There were still blood stains on the carpet, but the glass was gone and so were all the little plastic pieces. Books were back on the shelves, although they were stacked up upon each other and not placed in order. Anything not broken was put back into its usual spot as well.
It should have made John feel loved to know that people cared enough about him to accomplish all of that in the time he'd been gone. And he did feel loved for a few minutes and then he felt guilty -- guilty that he had behaved so selfishly and like a child and created such a mess for others to have to clean. And all because he had wanted to be left alone and didn't like it when people said he couldn't.
Still mentally kicking himself, John showered, wondering just why so many people seemed to be willing to put up with his crap. If Dave and Luka were truly sane people, then they'd be running as fast and hard as they could from him.
After his shower, John managed to rebandage his feet and dress in a pair of dark slacks and a dark blue shirt, then grabbed a pair of sandals. The sandals didn't really match his outfit, but putting cut feet into shoes that might become sweaty was just an invitation to a bacterial infection and John didn't want that. A quick run through his hair with a comb, then a brushing of his teeth and John was ready to go.
He left his room, softly closing the door so the noise wouldn't bother Luka any, and then, because his heart needed to be near to Luka, John paused at Luka's door, placing his hand flat against the wood, imagining that he could feel Luka's heart beating through it. "I love you," he whispered, and then John turned around and headed downstairs to meet Dave.
Dave had spoken to Mrs. Carter and to Dr. Meyers, and explained what had happened after they left. They were pleased to hear that John had eaten, and they were also pleased to hear that he seemed to be acting a little bit more like his old self. Dr. Meyers mentioned that he wanted to make sure that John didn't relapse, and Dave wholeheartedly agreed -- stating that if he saw any signs, he would drive John to be in some sort of counseling himself. Of course, Dave wasn't quite sure *how* he was going to do that, but he'd somehow manage.
So a little while later, Dave headed down to his car, and leaned against the door. He was a couple of minutes early, but it was such a nice afternoon, Dave didn't really care. And as the door opened, and John stepped out, Dave couldn't help but smile. He looked *good* after his shower -- nice and refreshed. And Dave liked to see that.
"If I didn't just have lunch, you'd be lookin' good enough to eat," Dave teased, as he stepped out to meet John.
John grinned. "Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you," he replied. "So, where are we going first?" What John wanted was to reach out and hug Dave, then kiss him breathless, but he was hesitant to do anything that Dave might not agree to, and the last thing John wanted was to push Dave away in way -- or to give Dave any further examples of just how much of a slut he could be. After all, a person who had been so adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship just a few hours earlier wouldn't be expected to try to seduce his lover out in the open, would he?
"Well, why don't we go over to the electronics store, so I can get an idea of how much big screen TVs are runnin' for these days. And then I need to get some staple foods in the house...you wanna come with me for that too?"
John nodded -- grocery shopping with Dave would be fun. While John was a disaster in the kitchen, he did enjoy shopping for food. And it would also extend their time alone, since John had no idea if Dave still wanted him to stay with him overnight in the cottage. He hoped Dave did, but he wasn't going to ask. If Dave didn't say something about expecting it, then John was just going to have to live with that decision.
Dave had to admit that spending the afternoon just with John really did appeal to him. For...for a little while he could just forget all the trouble the two of them were having.
He helped John into the car, and then Dave took his place behind the driver's seat. "I hafta say, I'm gettin' really used to driving around. I like this...and I'm sorry I didn't get a car sooner," he quipped.
"Yeah, me, too," John agreed with another grin. "It would have been nice to have had you for a chauffeur every now and then instead of me having to haul you all around Chicago. Not that I minded it so much, but it would have been nice to have been the haulee and not the hauler every now and then."
"I was gonna say," Dave said, as he pulled the car down the main road off the Carter Estate. "You didn't seem to mind so much hauling my ass around. I mean...at least it let me get plastered every once in a while. I never had to worry about drinkin' and drivin'."
Dave offered John a grin before putting his full attention back on the road. And soon he pulled into the parking lot for Circuit City. As he pulled the car into a spot, he turned to face John once more. "So. You ready to go look at a buncha TVs I can't afford?"
"Sure. Maybe I'll check out a TV or two for myself. It's been a long time since I've had one of my own." John said as he got out of the car. The last time he had owned his own TV, it had been when he was a surgical intern -- back before his apartment building literally burned to the ground. And that was a long time ago, too long, really, he thought. But, for the longest time, he either hadn't needed one, or couldn't afford one, so it had never really been an issue with him. But his earlier thoughts about moving out had made John think about everything he didn't have, and he was realizing that materially speaking, he didn't have much at all. It was no wonder that some people had a difficult time believing he came from a wealthy family.
They headed towards the building, with Dave intentionally walking slower because he knew that John was still in pain, even if the man didn't want to admit it to himself. And as they reached the door, Dave held it open for the other man. His reason for that was two fold. First off, he wanted to be nice. Second of all, he wanted to get a look at John's ass. It had been too long since Dave had last seen it.
Once inside the store, Dave's eyes surveyed the surroundings, and spotting the TV's, he began to walk towards them, glancing over his shoulder to make sure John was following him.
"Whoa...they've changed since I last shopped for these," he said, as he walked over to a particularly large, and expensive one. "And the prices have changed too. Whoa. I think I'm gonna have to save up for a few months to get this puppy. I think I'd better look at the 27 inches for now..." Turning around, he began to walk towards those, which were in a much more reasonable price range.
John lingered in front of the large screen TV that Dave had rejected. It was nice, but he really couldn't see where it was THAT nice. Shaking his head, he finally turned around to follow Dave, catching up to him in front of the 'normal' televisions. "For that price, you'd be better off going for a digital TV. It is the future, after all," John said with a smirk as he read the placard just behind Dave's shoulder that toted the benefits of having a digital television set.
"Digital, huh? Yeah, I might just do that, though I kinda liked having the screen take over the whole room. Though one of those HDTV's might not be a bad thing. It would be a great way to see the games, but...uh. I can't afford it right now. So I think I'm gonna take one of these cable ready 27 inchers. The price is right, it's on sale and everything, and I have enough left over in my savings to be able to take care of it. Once I get the better TV, this one will come on up to my bedroom."
Dave knew that he was rambling, but it all did seem rather...domestic. As if he was setting up house *with* John. But Dave knew that it was far from the truth. John was going to go back to his own room in the mansion...that was right next to Luka's, and Dave was going to sleep in the lonely cottage. And then, eventually, John was going to go out and find a place of his own, and Dave wouldn't see him at all.
All of this was beginning to weigh on his mind, and his expression changed to reflect that. It was all really, really complicated.
John couldn't help but notice how Dave suddenly seemed sad over the prospect of having to settle for the smaller TV. "Hey, how about we go in together on a TV? I'll bet we could afford the larger TV if we did that," he offered with an encouraging smile. "Why settle for the smaller one if you can get the larger one after all?"
Dave looked over towards John, considering it for a second, and then shook his head. "Nah, it's okay, man. I...well, I don't want you to feel obligated or anything...though...it might give you a reason to come over and visit me more often, if I have custody of a jointly owned TV," he teased, as looked over at the HDTV. It certainly *would* look good in his living room, but he didn't want to put John in that kind of situation. Nor did Dave really want to feel like he owed anyone money.
"I wouldn't need to make up a reason to see you, Dave," John replied, feeling slightly put out that Dave had so easily rejected his offer. "I'm going to check out the stereo systems. You can find me there when you're done buying the television you want." John started to head for the music section, not wanting Dave to pick up on his hurt feelings. If Dave didn't want to accept the offer, then John definitely didn't want Dave turning around and giving in to the suggestion just because he wanted to make John happy. No way. But, if John happened to find a CD or two that he thought Dave would like, no one would blame him for buying them for Dave, would they?
Dave looked over to John, surprised. "Hey, hey man, don't go. I...I need your opinion on which one is best here. I...man, I'm sorry. I just...I really wanna do this for myself, ya know? I got rid of the first one on my own, and I bought it all on my own to begin with, and it was the first thing that I ever got that was for *me*. I...I hope you're not upset." He sighed, and turned his attention back towards the TVs. Suddenly shopping for them didn't seem like much fun anymore.
"I"m not upset," John quickly said. "I really want to replace my stereo and I just thought we'd get out of here faster if I looked while you handled getting your television. But, I can buy a stereo any time, so it's not really that important." John made sure he smiled so Dave would know he wasn't upset, but so much for trying to find a present for Dave, he thought.
"Oh, well, okay. Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Why don't you go head over and look at stereos. I think for now I'm gonna take this TV right here. While I get this paid for.. you go look at stereos, an I'll meet you over there." Dave realized just how silly he was being, and obviously, he was overreacting. A genuine smile formed on his lips. "Go. I'll be over soon."
John nodded, then grinned back at Dave. "Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." And then John hurried over to that section before Dave could change his mind. It was a stroke of luck for John that the CD aisle was right in front of him, blocking him from getting to the stereos themselves, and he quickly lost himself in all the titles and artists, intent on finding something for Dave, and hopefully something for Luka as well.
After John left, Dave headed back over to the regular TV section. Thinking about it for a moment more, he took his credit card out of his wallet. He bought the 27 inch TV.. and then because he felt like splurging, he got himself a DVD player as well. After getting the ticket to pick up his purchases from the front of the store, Dave headed off towards the stereo section to look for John.
As he walked, he smiled to himself. Overall, the afternoon was a success. And Dave couldn't help but wonder if perhaps John could be convinced to spend the night with him.
John had a handful of CDs, some for him and two he thought that Dave and Luka would like. For Luka, there was the soundtrack for the Kenneth Branagh movie version of "Hamlet", in remembrance of the event that first brought the two of them together. For Dave, John had first reached for something a little heavier in the rock category, and he had grabbed the latest CD by System of a Down, but then when he was in the soundtrack section, he happened to see the CD for the movie "U571" and John couldn't help but smile as he remembered thinking that one of the actors in the movie bore a close resemblance to Dave, so he grabbed that one, too, thinking that if Dave didn't want it, then he'd take it. If nothing else, the images it recalled would be pretty good.
A few jazz selections joined the pile, along with the latest group of women artist releases by Sheryl Crow, Jewel and Alannis Morrissette. And John couldn't resist the solo effort by Trey Anastasio since he had always enjoyed anything put out by Phish, and the offering by Jimmy Eats World intrigued him, too.
John was checking over the Jimmy Buffett selections, looking for something he might not yet have when he felt as if he were being watched. Looking up warily, John then began to smile when he saw Dave staring at him. "That was quick," he commented as he walked over toward Dave, making sure the CDs he was purchasing for Dave were in the middle of the pile so Dave wouldn't notice them.
Dave returned the smile. "Yeah, it's all ready to go. I splurged and bought a DVD player for myself as well.. I think my DVDs are still in storage somewhere, so I'll have somethin' to watch on lonely nights at the cottage," he said, as he looked over to John. "And it looks like you've gone on a music buying spree. Anythin' good?"
John didn't want to think of Dave spending any lonely nights in the cottage, but it wasn't his place to offer to ease that loneliness, unfortunately. Once he put his fate in Dave and Luka's hands, John lost control of everything and he no longer had the luxury of making any first moves or suggestions. "These? Yeah, I found some good ones. Your DVD player plays music CDs, doesn't it? Maybe we could listen to a few of these while unloading the groceries later?" And if Dave happened to invite him to stay the night as originally planned, then John certainly wouldn't turn him down, especially if he was already there in the cottage.
Dave nodded. "Yeah, it plays music CD's. I think that's a great idea. Why don't we head out, so we can get to the grocery store, and then head back to the cottage?" Would John stay if Dave offered it to him? Dave hoped so, but he wasn't going to rely on it. Dave had also thought that John would never put him into the position that he was now in. But in a blink of an eye, his entire life had changed.
As they walked towards the front of the store, Dave left John in line to pay for his purchases, while he went to pick up the larger items he had already bought.
By the time John paid for his purchases, Dave was already waiting by the car, his television and DVD player apparently loaded. "Are you going to have room for groceries now?" John asked, not knowing what kind of space Dave had in the trunk. You couldn't always use the size of the car to gauge decent storage space -- some cars looked large, but then had a spare tire taking up room in the trunk. "We can go home and drop off our stuff and then run out to the store?" he suggested.
Dave thought about it for a moment, and then shook his head. "Yeah, the trunk's full, but we can put the groceries on the back seat. I'm not gonna buy that much, just enough to get me through the week. I'll be havin' lunches at the house, so it's just breakfast and dinner I gotta worry about, unless I can convince you to take me out to dinner once or twice," he teased, as he opened the passenger car door for John.
Dave took his place behind the wheel, and only when in the privacy of his own car, he leaned over and planted a light kiss on John's lips. "This has been a *really* nice afternoon."
John nodded his agreement. "Yes, it has. Much better than the morning for me, that's for sure. Don't forget to buy some laundry detergent since you'll have to do your own laundry and stuff. Although Gamma probably wouldn't have a problem putting your clothes in with everyone else's if you don't think you can handle the washer and dryer in the cottage," John teased.
"Hey now...I did fine with my own laundry when I last lived out here," Dave retorted, as he turned the ignition on in the car. "I'll be doin' my own laundry, thank you very much. Though I have been spoiled by laundry service in the hotel, and by sendin' my whites out to be done on the ship. But I think I remember how to do it." As they reached a light, he turned towards John and grinned. It really felt great to be out like this -- joking around just like they had done in the past. And it was something that Dave could definitely get used to.
Soon they pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, and after turning off the car, Dave met John near the back of it. "Ready to act domestic?" His voice was laced with teasing as a mischievous grin crossed his lips.
John's grin straddled the line between evil and mischievous. "Domestic, huh? Does that mean we get to hold hands while wandering behind our shopping cart?"
"Heh. Yeah, I guess we can do that if you want. I mean, if anyone tries to give us trouble, I'll punch 'em," he said, as he took John's hand in his. This was an interesting step. But it wasn't like Dave knew anyone -- or really cared what anyone else thought. He liked the way that John's grip seemed to fit seamlessly in his own. And Dave liked the way that his skin felt against John's, it reminded him of the way other parts of his body felt against John's -- and unwillingly he felt his dick begin to stir. He couldn't help it. Even though he really didn't intend on acting on it, at least not right away, Dave was still *quite* attracted to the man by his side.
John was more than surprised when Dave took his hand, but he didn't yank it back. Instead he let his hand settle within Dave's, liking the way it made him feel secure. "Well, let's grab a cart and get you some food. I can't have you fainting away from hunger on me, now can I?" John asked as he led Dave toward the store entrance.
Dave couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, I don't think there's any danger of that happening," he said, as he momentarily dropped John's hand so he could grab a shopping cart. "But we should still get inside, none the less."
With a grin as wide as it could possibly be, Dave took John's hand in his again. And one-handed, Dave began to push the cart. As they walked through the store, it didn't seem that too many people were staring at them -- or at the very least, Dave wasn't paying attention to what other people were doing. He was too busy trying to decide exactly which breakfast cereal to buy.
John enjoyed walking around with Dave, seeing what foods Dave gravitated toward -- healthy, junky or a mix of both? He was pleased to see it was a mixture, although he already had had a pretty good idea that Dave wasn't just a junk food lover, despite his love of take-out pizza. By the time they were done shopping, John was feeling hungry again, and he mentioned that to Dave as they put the groceries in the back seat. "It's only been, what, three hours since we last ate, but I could easily have another meal right now. We could check out what Corrine's made, or go through a drive-thru for something, or you could make me something since you've now got food," John said with a grin.
If Dave offered to cook, then that meant John got to spend even more time with Dave. It also meant he didn't have to face his grandmother quite yet. After the things he had said in front of her, John wasn't too anxious to be face to face with her any time soon.
"Well.. it wasn't exactly a nutritious meal that we had a few hours ago," Dave said, as he pulled the car back onto the highway. He thought about their options for dinner. If they went back to the main house, then Dave would have to deal with Luka on top of everything else, not to mention Mrs. C. worrying about John. No, it would be easier for Dave to just cook the for the two of them.
"What do ya say I break in the kitchen at the cottage?"
John couldn't help but smile at the thought of 'properly' breaking in Dave's kitchen, but he managed to keep from saying anything about doing so, although his body seemed to like the idea. It was a good thing Dave was driving, John thought, and wouldn't be able to notice the hard-on John was now sporting. "That sounds good. I'll set the table or something...do the dishes...you definitely don't want me trying to help you cook," he said.
Dave returned the grin. "Yeah.. that's a plan. I don't wantcha burnin' down the house when I'm just movin' into it," he teased, as he pulled onto the highway. "And I certainly don't wanna end up in the ER for food poisoning.."
"That's for sure. If Weaver's around she just might let you die or something," John joked.
A little while later, they were back at the house. The two of them unloaded the car, and soon they were putting groceries away in Dave's kitchen. "I still can't believe I'm livin' here," Dave quipped as he put the box of cereal in one of the cabinets. "This is the *nicest* place I've ever lived in."
"It is a nice place," John agreed as he began to set up Dave's DVD player. "I used to enjoy it when my grandparents had guests staying over because I'd get to come over here a lot to play if there were any kids along. I think it would have been better for Mom if we had been able to stay here when Bobby was dying. I think her main complaint with staying at the house is because of that association, and the fact that for a long time she partially blamed Gamma for Bobby having leukemia and no one knowing about it."
After Dave finished putting the last of his groceries away, he made his way out to the living room to begin to help assemble his new, meager entertainment unit. As John spoke, Dave listened, unsure of what to say in response. And after a few moments silence, he finally found words, however inadequate they might have been. "I'd imagine it wasn't an easy time at all for any of you," Dave said, as he put his new TV on top of a TV stand that was in the living room. "But I don't know if movin' out of your house woulda made things any better. I mean, the issues still woulda been there, no matter what. You know...you and I are a lot more alike then I originally realized. We both had not so good stuff going on when we were younger. I mean...you with all the stuff with your family, and...me, well...let's just say that livin' with Papa Malucci was not exactly a picnic," he said, as he focused his eyes away from John.
John had shared *so* much with Dave, that Dave felt it was only fair to begin to share some of his secrets with the other man. Explain to him why it had not been so easy for him to give his heart over.
John listened intently to Dave, his heart going out to the boy that Dave had been. "So, was he a drunk, indifferent or just plain mean?" John asked. "Or is it none of my business?" If Dave didn't feel like talking about his family and growing up years, then John had no intention of forcing him, no matter how curious he was about what Dave had gone through to become the man he was.
"I actually think it's very much your business," Dave said, as he grabbed a cable for the DVD player from John. "Dad's actions varied from day to day. When he was drunk, he was mean. When he was sober, he was indifferent. Sometimes I didn't mind it when he was mean...at least it meant he was payin' *some* sorta attention to me. But, yeah, it got bad at times...like...like some of those kids who we've seen in the ER...who come in and you just *know* that their parents are whalin' on them and there isn't a damned thing you can do about it..."
Dave brought his eyes up from the wire he was holding in his hands so he could lock eyes with John. "Well...that was my life, John. Different hospitals...different parts of NY...different places we lived in...all holes in the ground. Pop gettin' a job, Pop losin' a job, Pop takin' out losin' a job on me, Steve and Mom..." Dave brought his eyes downward again. Full disclosure was never something that Dave was very good at.. but he felt he owed it to John...owed it to him to explain what Dave's own childhood had been like.
"I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like, Dave. It wasn't until Bobby died that my parents started to travel a lot, but before then we were all very happy together. It's rough to lose someone you love, but I think it's worse to have never felt loved and at least if nothing else, I always knew my parents loved me." John grabbed a CD and began to remove the wrapping so it could be popped in as soon as Dave had the last of the wiring completed. "I'm sorry you always had to doubt that."
Dave plugged the final wire into the back of the TV, and then stepped away, thinking about what John had said. "I knew that Steve loved me, and that got me through a lot of the time. And well...Mom was alright. She was just...so weak. She didn't know how to fight him, was too afraid to. So when things got bad, she turned a deaf ear. I learned when I was young that I couldn't cry...cause if I cried, he only beat me harder...
Shaking his head, he took a deep breath. "That's enough of that. What kinda CDs did you buy at the store," he asked, his voice taking on a completely new tone. Dave had to stop dwelling on that, or he was going to go into a bout of depression, and it wasn't fair for John to have to deal with that. John had his own problems to deal with -- he didn't need to be worrying about Dave, too.
"Oh, a few jazz ones, the CD by Jimmy Eats World, and a few new releases. Here, play this one." John handed Dave the soundtrack from U571. "I think it's mostly instrumental stuff but it might be good." It pained John to think of Dave ever being hit so hard that he was afraid to cry for fear of being hit even harder and he wanted to do anything and everything he could to ease the hurt that still lingered from all of that. If only Dave would let him.
Dave nodded, upset that he managed to bring down the positive energy in the room by doing something as stupid as talking about himself. John didn't need to have Dave's worries on his shoulders. Taking the CD from him, he glanced down at the title before placing it in the DVD player. "U571, huh? That was a pretty good movie," he quipped, as music began to fill the house. He wasn't usually one who enjoyed instrumentals too much -- he was more of a heavy metal guy himself -- but even Dave had to admit that it wasn't half bad.
John nodded. "I liked it. Especially since there's an actor in it who reminds me of you," he said with a grin.
"So, ya wanna get started on cooking dinner?" Dave wanted to do anything...anything to get the focus off of himself.
"Ah, no," John replied with a grin. "But I'm ready to help you out in the kitchen with the simple tasks." He got to his feet. "What did you plan to make for us?"
"I was thinkin' of something simple -- maybe just some pasta with sauce, with some sausage thrown in for flavor? How does that sound to you?" Dave looked over towards John, waiting for his answer. He didn't know about John, but Dave's stomach was growling thinking about it.
"That sounds pretty good," John said. "I never turn down pasta."
As they walked into the kitchen, Dave found the grin on his face growing wider, and his mind wandered back to a sentence that John had uttered only moments before. "So, uh, one of the actors in U571 reminds you of me? I don't think I've ever seen the movie.. maybe we should rent it sometime so you can point him out to me."
"You said it was a pretty good movie so I thought you'd seen it," John said, suddenly feeling embarrassed over his admission to Dave. He wasn't so sure that he wanted to actually sit down in a room and watch the movie with Dave -- what if Dave didn't think that guy looked anything like him? Or else felt upset that just watching that guy on the screen gave John a hard on?
"I meant to say that I had heard it was a good movie. I'm sorry about that," Dave said as he looked over towards John. "Hey, why so glum? It'll be fun to watch a movie with ya, and now you've got me curious," he said, still grinning. He had already gotten a pot out, and after putting some water on to boil, Dave walked over to John, and took the man's hands in his. "I think it'll be fun..."
John smiled. "It would probably be more fun to rent U469 or something like that," he joked, thinking that there had to be a movie out there with a name similar to that and remembering the first movie he and Dave had watched together.
Dave out and out laughed at that. "I'm sure there is, and knowing you, you'd accidentally put that movie in instead of the right one," Dave teased, also remembering their first time together. "Either way, sittin' in a darkened room can't be all bad, can it? I mean, we'd be together...just you and me, and I'm sure that I'd be tryin' to think of some creative ways to get you to pay attention to *me* instead of the movie..."
John laughed and squeezed Dave's hands. "Oh, I'm sure you'd succeed, too. Of course, we don't really need to have a movie handy in order to be in a darkened room, do we?" The words had slipped out and John immediately regretted them since he didn't want Dave to feel he was pressuring him for sex or anything. He let go of Dave's hands and stepped over to the stove. "Don't you need to make the sauce?"
Dave nodded, and reached to open a cabinet. "I don't have time to make a regular sauce, but Classico does an alright job of duplicating if I add the right spices," he said, as he moved towards the counter, jar in hand. Dave had managed to create another uncomfortable situation, and he was mentally kicking himself for it, even though he was doing his best to not let it show on the outside. As he emptied the jar into a saucepan, he reached for some spices he had bought earlier in the day, while his mind reeled on how to best put John's mind at ease.
"I...John, I'm sorry...I can't help flirtin' with ya, you know? I'm still really attracted to ya, and I...I can't help flirtin' with ya. I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable..."
"It doesn't." John quickly reassured him. He rested his back against the counter and watched Dave as he cooked, feeling awkward as he heard Dave apologize for something as simple as flirting, and he thought that perhaps it would be better for him to be honest about why he was avoiding the issue of sex. "I just didn't think I should have been flirting back, that's all. I mean, you made it pretty clear earlier that you weren't interested in sex all the time and I am, and...well, I know I was trying to push you away by making you see what I am, but now I don't really want you thinking that about me and I can't help it." He stared down at the floor, knowing he was blushing furiously by how hot his cheeks felt.
Dave had finished adding the last of the spices, and was letting the sauce heat up over a low flame as he turned to face John while he spoke. And Dave couldn't help but grin at how red John's cheek's were. "First of all, I don't think you think about sex *all* the time...do you? And well, the thing is...I'd be a fool to say that I didn't think about it quite often with you. I...I guess it's just important to me for you to know that I think of you as so much more than as someone that I only want to sleep with. and I hope that...well...that you feel the same way about me. That...that it's not all about sex."
Dave wasn't upset, but his concern was genuine. Dave knew without a doubt that he wanted to be so much more than just John's play thing. And he hoped that he was able to make John understand that without getting him upset.
John looked up, momentarily surprised to find himself face to face with Dave. "I just like being with you, Dave, even when we're not talking or touching or anything like that. Although," John started to grin, "I do enjoy the times when we *are* touching and doing other things." He reached his hand up to touch Dave's cheek. "I just want to make you feel good. I enjoy doing that for you."
A half smile twitched on Dave's lips, and he reached out his own hand to grab John's free fingers. "I like to make you feel good too. It's...I just want you to be happy, John. And I realize that it's gonna take some compromising on my part for that to happen for you, and I'm willin' to make those sacrifices as...as long as you know something. I *am* still havin' trouble handlin' all of this, and there are gonna be times when I'm gonna wanna be by myself. I want to make sure you know...if that happens, it doesn't mean that I don't love you, or don't wanna be with you, okay? If you understand that, then we have a shot at makin' this work...at least for now..."
Leaning his head in closer to John's, he planted a soft kiss on the other man's lips. And then as he pulled away, he squeezed John's hand lightly. "The water's boilin'...I gotta put the pasta in."