Author: Cathy Roberts
Pairing: JC/DM
Rating: NC-17
Date: June 7, 2007
Archive: Please ask first
Disclaimer: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. Thanks to everyone at the Mature ER FanFiction Critique Corner for their comments and suggestions.
Summary: Dave Malucci meets John Carter in college, and nothing will ever be the same. Be warned that this story contains scenes of sexual assault, kinky sex and bad language in places.
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It had been a week since John had confessed to Dave as to why he'd been reluctant to let Dave perform oral sex on him. During that week, the two of them had been pretty busy doing each other. It was good, very good, but it wasn't enough. No, John thought as he shook his head, definitely not enough.
He'd reached that conclusion the day his parents left, and ever since then, John had been testing himself daily to see just what positions he could and could not handle. John quickly discovered that being on his back with his legs curled upward was painful. So, that position was out, which meant no face-to-face interaction. John had found that his left leg still wouldn't cooperate with him, which made being on his hands and knees undoable, as was trying to squat.
And that was about the gamut of his knowledge of gay sexual positions, so John had turned to what he hoped would be an informative source - the internet. So far though, he'd waded through pictures of guys getting and giving blow jobs, guys doing it face-to-face, guys on their hands and knees, guys on their backs. Plenty of images of what John already knew he couldn't do, and not much of what he could try to do. It was frustrating, doubly so, since looking at all of those pictures had gotten him aroused, and Dave wasn't due home for another hour or so. John looked away from the current image on the screen - one of three guys all having fun, and saw that it was actually later than he'd thought, which meant that if he'd left on time, then Dave would be walking through the door at any moment.
John closed the window on the screen, only to find that there was another one beneath it, advertising yet another sex site. He closed that one, then realized that there was a whole cascade of windows now open. Crap, crap, crap, John thought as he began to click them closed, afraid that he wasn't moving quickly enough and trying to not panic over how long it was taking to hide the evidence of his curiosity. One nice thing about the little bit of panic that he was feeling was that his erection had abated. Oh, yeah, nothing like being on the verge of being caught surfing sex sites to get your libido under control, John thought.
There! He was down to the last few windows, and home free. John began to relax, confident that Dave would never know about his little foray into internet pornography. Of course, if things would have gone the way John had wanted them to, then Dave would have found out about it that night, when John told him he was ready for them to do more. But, since he'd struck out at finding a position that seemed possible, John knew that his plans for the evening would have to be put on hold.
John had just closed the last screen when he heard the sound of the key in the lock, and he grinned at beating Dave home, so to speak. He was looking at the door as it opened, and his grin grew broader as he watched Dave walk into the apartment.
"Hey," John said, his day definitely a bit brighter now that Dave was home.
Dave smiled back before he turned and locked the door securely. "Hey, yourself." Dave walked over to John, leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "How was your day?"
John nodded. "It's been good, but aren't I supposed to be asking you that? After all, you're the one who gets to get out of here every day." Even though John did leave the apartment for his PT, once home, he and Dave usually didn't go out much. It was just easier to stay in and be with each other. So far, that had been enough, but John was starting to get the itch to go out and do something...see a movie or eat dinner out. Anything would be nice, as long as they were doing it together.
"It was okay," Dave replied as he began to take off his coat. "We were slammed this morning for some reason, but the afternoon was fairly quiet. How did your PT go?"
John watched as Dave walked over to the closet. "It was good. I worked with crutches for a little bit. Everyone seems to think that at the rate I'm going, I should be fully on them by the end of next week. I was thinking that maybe when that happens, we can celebrate it by going out somewhere? Maybe to dinner and a movie, or just dinner?"
"What?" Dave asked, "You tired of my cooking already?" He was grinning as he asked though, and John shook his head.
"Not at all. I just...I just want to get out of here, and no, PT doesn't really count as getting out," John said.
"I hear ya, Hoss." Dave came over to the couch and sat down next to John. "I'd like to go out when you're ready, and the crutches will definitely be easier to get in and out of the Jeep than the walker would be."
John smiled at Dave and nodded once more. "That's what I was thinking, too." He closed the cover of his laptop, then sat it onto the side table before turning toward Dave. "The pork chops that you wanted to cook for dinner are in the fridge, thawing out, and I chopped up all of the vegetables for the salad, so we can get dinner going whenever you're ready."
"Sounds good," Dave said with a smile of his own as he placed his hand on John's thigh. "Sounds like I'm turning you into a cook or something."
"Probably more of the something. Dr. Weaver didn't think too highly of my culinary skills when I was living with her. She kept trying to teach me to cook, but then she gave up. Of course, she was a lot more particular than you about things. Vegetables had to be sliced a particular way, cucumbers had to be seeded, stuff like that."
"So, you're saying that I'm easy?" Dave asked, his hand slowly inching upward.
John cocked his head to one side as he looked at Dave. The man's hand was leaving a hot trail along John's thigh, and he was once more hard. Only this time he was hard because of a living, breathing human being, and not because he'd waded his way through hundreds of porn images. John much preferred this way. "I think I might be saying that, yes." And with that, John shifted position on the couch so that his legs were a bit further apart, a clear invitation to Dave, and one that Dave quickly accepted.
As Dave's hand closed over John's cock, John sighed with pleasure. Even with the material of his sweatpants between his cock and Dave's hand, it still felt good. "I missed you."
"So I can see. I missed you, too," Dave said, and he gave John's cock a gentle squeeze. "Or, maybe I should say that..." Dave glanced down at his own groin, and John looked there, as well, noting the impressive bulge behind Dave's jeans. "...we missed you."
John looked back up, and into Dave's eyes. The love and desire he saw there nearly took his breath away, and once more John thought about how lucky he was to have Dave in his life. And how he wanted more right now than just the feel of Dave's fingers or mouth on his cock. Oh, he wanted that, there was no mistake at all about *that*, but John also wanted to feel Dave inside of him, taking him, making them one.
"I have a confession to make," John said, deciding on the spur of the moment to come clean about what he'd been doing. "I want you...in me, I mean." John could feel his cheeks growing warm as he made that admission, but his eyes never left Dave's face, even though John was sure that this would be easier to admit if he were looking away from Dave. "I...I've been trying to see what positions I can be in that won't hurt, but there aren't any. I even went onto the internet to look, but all I could find were pictures of the same ones that I can't do." John looked at Dave intently, hopeful that Dave would have some magical position that he could introduce to him. "You're the worldly one here, any ideas?"
John wasn't too sure how he'd expected Dave to reply. A grin, most definitely a grin. And that would be followed by a squeeze or two to his cock, then a joke. What John hadn't expected was the flare of anger in Dave's eyes, or the way that Dave moved back from him, going to the end of the couch. Okay, so Dave didn't like the idea that he'd been looking at porn sites, John thought, his spirits falling. "I'm sorry," John said, his voice soft. "I shouldn't have been looking at porn without telling you first."
"What the fuck?" Dave's voice sounded angry and confused all at the same time. "Why would I care if you look at porn? You're an adult, John, and you don't have to ask my permission to look at sites on the internet, or to go out and buy magazines or stuff. Jesus! The way you say that it makes it sound as if I'm your father or something." Dave was now on his feet and pacing at the end of the couch, a sure sign that he was upset.
"Sorry. I thought that's why you were angry," John said in a lame attempt to defend himself.
"Stop apologizing for things you're not guilty over." Dave's reply was harsh. "Why do you do that? You're always apologizing for things that you didn't do, or for things that aren't your fault. God, you probably apologized for me kidnapping you, didn't you? We left you in your room and you probably looked up at the ceiling and apologized for being in the wrong place at the wrong time."
John looked away from Dave, wondering why Dave had to bring up that time. He'd thought that they'd gotten past all of that. And now, there was tension in the air to go with Dave's anger. "No," John softly replied, "I didn't apologize for that. Why are you bringing that time up? What does that have to do with us now?"
"You're the one who brought up that time by reminding me of my days as a whore, John. Oh, you made it sound nice and genteel, 'you're the worldly one here', but we both know that you meant that since I'd worked as a whore, then I'd know of a position or two that we could use." Dave's face was red, and it was clear to John that Dave was really, really upset and angry. Dave glared at him, then turned and went into their bedroom, slamming the door behind him, and letting John know in no uncertain terms that his company was no longer wanted or needed.
What was he to do now? John couldn't just get up and go for a walk outside, the walker made that a complicated thing to do. He supposed that he could call someone, to see if they'd come to pick him up, go get coffee or something. But there really wasn't anyone that John felt he could confide in about the history he had with Dave. He hadn't been thinking that about Dave, he really hadn't. But, Dave obviously didn't believe that, and right then all that mattered was what Dave thought. For a brief moment, John found himself wishing he was Catholic, for then he could go to confession and not have to worry about the priest calling the police to arrest Dave for something that had happened long ago. Talking to his grandmother was out of the question, for that reason, and then some. As far as John knew, his and Dave's relationship wasn't open knowledge, even amongst their own families.
The ringing of the telephone interrupted John's feeble attempt to list friends with whom he could confide in about this, and he automatically picked up the receiver. But, before he could say 'Hello', he heard Dave's voice answering, and then a woman's voice. That didn't bother him. No, what bothered John was the way that Dave replied when he heard that woman's voice. "You must have ESP, because I really need you now."
Oh, yeah, that had been all that John needed to hear. He slowly replaced the receiver, feeling more alone than ever before and wondering just what was going to happen now with Dave. John’s earlier decision that going for a walk was out of the question was now revised. There was no way that he could stay here now.
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As the echo of the slammed door faded away, Dave also felt his anger beginning to subside. Dave had really thought that he and Carter were past the past, that they were both adult enough to not go bringing up the bad things, such as what Dave had been forced into doing before he'd kidnapped Carter. But, no, they weren't. Or at least, John wasn't that mature. The phone rang, and Dave answered it, then smiled as he heard Lisa's voice.
"Hey, Dave. You got a minute?"
"You must have ESP," Dave replied as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "because I really need you now."
"Oh? Something's happened with John?" Lisa sounded worried.
"No. Yes. He's okay, if that's what you're asking. His physical therapy went well today, and the therapist thinks that he'll be able to use crutches all of the time by next week. So, that's not the problem. It's a bit more personal."
"Do you want to talk about it? Considering that I am the mother of your son, I'd say that I could handle 'personal' from you," Dave could hear the smile in her voice. And the concern, too, and that made him feel a little bit better.
"Yeah. The stabbing put a stop to our sex life, at least for a while. We've been getting by with just oral sex, and touching, stuff like that, but nothing more strenuous. So, tonight I get home from work and John tells me that he'd like to get back to doing that, which was great news. But then he started on about how since I was more 'worldly' and all, that maybe I knew some positions we could try, because most of the usual ones were too painful or uncomfortable for him. How could he just throw my past in my face that way, Lisa? I thought he loved me, you know? I love him, and I'd never throw his past in his face that way. I've been here for him, been patient, been considerate. And this is how he pays me back? By asking me to delve into my whoring tricks to help him get off?"
"Whoa," Lisa chided, "Slow down and back up a bit. I only know John from what you've told me about him, but based on that, I don't think he'd have said that. Now, just what did he say? His exact words this time, Dave."
Feeling unduly chastened, Dave sighed, but he did pause long enough to recall the conversation. "He said that he wanted me in him, and that he'd been looking at some porn sites on the net, to see if there were any positions that he could be in that wouldn't hurt, but that there weren't any. He then said that I was the worldly one here, and did I have any ideas."
"And out of that you got that he was asking you to recall the days you worked as a male prostitute?" Lisa's voice sounded amused and Dave immediately felt defensive.
"He said I was the 'worldly' one, Lisa. What else could that mean?"
"It could have meant that since he's only been with one guy, that he's not knowledgeable enough about gay sex to figure out what wouldn't hurt him. What about the tone of his voice? Was he taunting you? Did he sound accusing?"
Dave once more had to take the time to recall the conversation, and as it came back to him, his shoulders slumped as he saw that Carter hadn't been accusing or taunting. "No. To either question. He sounded sincere, and he was blushing. Damn."
"Indeed." Lisa was then silent for a few moments, and during that time Dave found himself wondering just what it would take for him to make Carter forget his harsh words. And the way he'd stormed off and slammed the door.
"Thanks," Dave said. "While this wasn't exactly the help that I'd been expecting, I'm glad that you called. You don't happen to know any surefire way for me to make this up to him, do you?"
"Aside from telling you to delve into your past and pull a few tricks out of your days as a male prostitute and getting 'in him' the way he wants, no." Dave could hear the laughter in Lisa's voice.
"Funny. Not. So, what 'were' you calling about?"
"I've got to go to a conference and I was wondering if you two would be able to keep Dylan while I'm gone. I think it's about time he met John, don't you? But, a meeting between them can be arranged for another time if you don't think the two of you can handle him right now."
"I'll have to check with John on that," Dave replied. He'd love to have Dylan there in Chicago, but he wasn't sure that Carter would want to be running around after a three year old child. "Give me the details, and I'll get back to you either tonight or tomorrow, will that be okay?"
"That'll be fine," Lisa replied. She then gave Dave the details of her upcoming trip. He wrote them down, thanked her again for calling and then asked if Dylan was there. She put Dylan on the line, and father and son talked for a few minutes. Dave would have liked to talk longer, but he didn't want to run up a long distance bill for Lisa, besides, there was only so much that Dylan would talk about over a phone. He much preferred talking someone's ears off in person.
By the time Dave ended the call and headed for the bedroom door, he was smiling once more. And his brain was going over various positions that he and Carter could try out. He opened the door and stepped back into the living room, but his smile faded as he saw that the room was empty.
"John?" Dave called out, thinking that maybe Carter was in the bathroom, but there was no answer, and the door to that room was ajar, too. And then Dave noticed that the walker, which had been near the couch, was now gone.
Carter was gone.
Dave stood in the center of the living room, feeling lost and alone. Sure, he'd snapped at Carter, but it hadn't been nasty enough to make Carter want to leave, right? And with Carter still recovering from his surgeries, he would know that he couldn't go far. Unless he hailed a cab or something, but wasn't his wallet on the dresser in the bedroom? Dave's feet finally moved, and he went back in there, confirming that yes, Carter's wallet was still sitting on the dresser. Which meant that wherever Carter had gone, he had no money. And he'd been wearing sweats, so there was no pocket in which to put his keys.
If Carter didn't bother to take his keys with him, then that would mean that he didn't intend to come back. This wasn't good, and Dave headed for the door, grabbing his own keys as he grabbed his coat. The elevator in the building was slow, which often made it nice for Dave that Carter's apartment was on the second floor and not any higher, taking the stairs always took less time than taking the elevator. But with the walker, Carter had no choice but to take the slow way, and Dave was pretty sure that he could catch up to Carter.
The door slammed behind Dave as he left the apartment, but he didn't pay it any mind as he practically ran to the stairwell. Taking the steps two and three at a time, Dave was to the ground floor in less than a minute. The small lobby was empty and quiet, so Dave headed on outside, pausing on the sidewalk to look both ways for signs of his fleeing lover. Dave wasn't sure what he'd say when he found Carter, but he was pretty sure that asking him if he were out of his mind leaving like that wasn't the best thing to say right now. Nope, much better to just apologize, say that he loved him and get him back inside...and into bed.
The big question though, was would Carter forgive him and come back inside? And if so, would he still be horny? Okay, so that wasn't really a nice thought, Dave chided himself. But, it was an honest one. They'd been waiting so long to resume their sex life, and now, well now, it looked as if Dave might have screwed it all up, no pun intended, he told himself.
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There was a small playground across the street from John’s apartment building, and he’d headed over there, unable to stand the idea of just sitting in the living room to wait for whatever was going to happen with Dave. It didn’t matter if Dave planned to come back out of the bedroom to break up with him, or if he would come out with some story about needing to go out to clear his mind. Either way left John alone, and if he was going to be alone, then it would be on his terms, dammitt, and not Dave Malucci’s.
John had just gotten settled on one of the swings when he saw Dave rush out of the building. He watched impassively as Dave looked each way down the street, then just stood there. John reasoned that Dave was looking for him, and it was tempting to call out to him, to get his attention. But then John remembered what was in store for him, and he remained silent.
And John remained silent as he watched Dave shrug into his jacket and take off down the street at a trot. He even remained silent as a tear or two rolled down his own face. Dave was definitely in a hurry to leave him, John thought. Although he supposed that Dave would first be all attentive, acting as if he cared that John had left without leaving a note. John shivered, then remembered that he’d been in so much of a hurry that he’d not only left behind his coat, but also his wallet and keys. Oh, yeah, great way to handle things, he chided himself. Now he couldn’t even get back into his own apartment, provided he didn’t freeze to death right here on the kiddie swings. He supposed that he could try to awaken the super, and get into the apartment that way, but John really didn’t want to deal with the man’s questions about why he was outside without keys or coat. The man would look at him with pity in his eyes, and John knew he couldn’t deal with pity right now.
Dave came back into sight, pausing once more in front of their building and looking in the opposite direction from which he’d just come. “Hell,” John muttered. Might as well get this over with.
Sighing, John lifted his arm up into the air, “Dave!” He called out, and Dave must have heard him because he stopped and tilted his head to one side, listening for more. “Over here.”
Dave saw him then, and he headed across the street at a dead run, and was panting when he came to a stop by the swings. “You scared the Hell out of me, Hoss.”
“Don’t call me that,” John said. Okay, so that hadn’t been what he’d planned to say to Dave. He’d planned to just ask for his key back and then go back inside, leaving Dave here to follow or go as he pleased. But, that name…that name just took him back to his college days, and being lonely and scared and…and no, John didn’t want to be called that name ever again.
Dave frowned, “Sorry. And not just about that, but for walking out on you. I misunderstood you, babe, and I’m so sorry.”
John looked at Dave. The guy looked sincere, but John was pretty certain that sincerity was needed when one was about to break up with their lover or whatever it was that John had been to Dave these past weeks. Toy, maybe? Diversion?
John shrugged. “Whatever. I’d like my key back, please. I left mine in there and I’ll need it when I’m ready to go back inside.”
Dave smiled then, “Oh, no problem. We’ll just go back in together. Hey! You’re shivering!” Dave began to take off his coat.
“I’m not cold,” John lied. “And I don’t want you coming back inside with me. You might as well go on home, Dave. Whatever it was that you were doing here, it’s over.” John looked directly at Dave, and while a part of him felt good about taking the initiative here, and breaking up with Dave before Dave could break up with him, another part of him was dying inside. He’d really and truly thought that Dave was ‘the one’. He’d never really imagined that he was just…just a passing fancy for Dave.
Dave froze, his coat half on, half off, and the smile had gone from his face. “What? John, babe…I’m sorry that I misunderstood you. I know that you weren’t throwing my past in my face, and I’m sorry that I overreacted. We can go back inside, get warm, and talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Dave. Just give me my key and go. You can come back to get your things later…I can’t deal with that right now. I’m not what you need and I know it. You don’t have to sneak behind my back.”
“Sneak behind your…???” Dave looked confused as he sat down in the swing next to John’s. “I don’t understand what you mean. *You* are all that I need, babe.”
“Right. That’s why you were so glad to hear *her* voice when she called. You need her, go to her. I won’t make a scene or anything, if that’s what you’ve been afraid of.”
Dave laughed, and John looked at him sharply. “I don’t see…”
“That was Lisa. My ex-girlfriend? I told you about her, and about Dylan.”
Lisa. John knew about her, but had never heard her voice. “Lisa?”
Dave nodded. “She was calling to see if I could watch Dylan for a few days while she’s at a conference. She’s a shrink, remember? I was so glad to hear her because…well, because I thought you were talking about my time as a prostitute, and she made me realize that I’d been an ass, and you hadn’t meant that at all.”
“Oh.” John felt like an ass then. He’d overheard something and let his imagination get the better of him. He looked up as he felt Dave touching his shoulder.
“I think we both jumped to the wrong conclusions tonight, babe. So, how about we go on back inside and get warm.” When Dave had sat down, his coat had still been half off, and he went on and removed it the rest of the way, then got up from the swing and placed the coat over John’s shoulders. “If we do get around to looking for a good position tonight, then I don’t want to find that anything important has been frozen off.”
John smiled up at Dave, then put his arms through the sleeves. “Me, either. And if you walk back in with me, then you’re going to catch a chill, since I can only move but so fast with this walker. Why don’t you go on ahead and maybe put on some milk for hot cocoa? I’ll be right behind you.”
Dave nodded, and the smile on his face did as much to warm John as did Dave’s coat. “Just don’t take too long, okay?”
“I won’t. I’m pretty interested in finding out if we can find a position that works. Or maybe even two.” John said, his smile now a full-blown grin.
“Two works for me,” Dave replied. He bent down and kissed John fully on the lips. It was a kiss full of not only love, but promise of what was to come once they were both inside.
John got to his feet as Dave headed back across the street. Even though it was cold, it wasn’t icy out, so John was able to get across the street rather quickly, and without worrying about the walker or his feet slipping on any ice. By the time he reached the apartment, he was more anxious than tired, but this time his anxiousness was due to the idea of making love with Dave, and not because of thinking that Dave was leaving him.
Dave had left the door ajar, and John made it inside easily enough. Once inside, he locked the door, then made his way over to the couch. He was just about to sit down when Dave stepped out of the kitchen, a big grin on his face.
“Why don’t you go on into the bedroom? I’ll bring the cocoa in to you and we can relax in bed with it while going over positions.”
John grinned back. “Sounds good to me. And should I also strip while waiting for you?”
Dave’s eyebrows rose, but he slowly shook his head. “I don’t think so. I want the pleasure of undressing you. Being with you…it’s like Christmas and my Birthday all rolled into one, only you’re the best present I ever got.”
John laughed as he headed on into the bedroom. “I feel the same way about you, Dr. Dave. Undressing you is half the fun.”
Dave wriggled his eyebrows. “Never let it be said that Dr. Dave denied you your fun. I’ll be right in, the milk’s almost to a boil.”
As Dave disappeared into the kitchen, John made his way into the bedroom. Even if they didn’t find that perfect position tonight, John was pretty certain that they’d have a good time with the search. And to think that he almost threw it all away by jumping to the wrong conclusion! Never again, he vowed, would he just assume something like that. Dave’s love was far too important to risk on an assumption.